Fading In The Rain | Bughead

13: "One Last Try"

TW: mention of an eating disorder

I woke up the next morning and felt completely better. My throat didn't burn, I was able to keep down the soup Jughead made me, my head wasn't aching. Thinking of it now, it may have been a 24-hour thing and not an actual cold. Jughead woke up beside me and I felt like I was the cause of his awakening. "Did I wake you up?" I whispered. "No. Why are we whispering?" Jughead relied, ironically, in a mocking whisper.

"How are you feeling?" Jughead asked, sitting up like myself. "Actually a lot better," I answered. "That's great! Temperature?" Jughead suggested. "Sure," I agreed, and Jughead got up to get the forehead thermometer thing. "98.6!" Jughead reported happily. "How about some Pop's to celebrate?" Jughead asked. "That sounds great!" I said. I couldn't believe myself. I'd been going to Pop's a lot and that could only lead to even more weight.

No offense to Pop, of course, but if I live off milkshakes and burgers and fries, I'll be back to forcing my fingers down my throat every night. That was never fun in the first place, by the way. I stretched my arms out and yawned. "On second thought, mind if we delay that? I guess I'm back to my normalcy of tiredness," I spoke. "Whatever you wanna do," Jughead replied with a smile. I cuddled back into the bed as Jug laid down once more and held me in his arms.

---

Waking up for the second time today, I didn't want to get up. I tried to find motivation, but couldn't. I saw Jughead was still asleep, so maybe I can go back to sleep and wait until he wakes up. It's not that I didn't want to go to Pop's per se, I just didn't want to get up. Like, at all. Ever. I was too lazy. I cuddled up into the blankets, carefully not to wake Juggie, and closed my eyes and exhaling a breath I didn't know I was holding. Sleep greeted me almost instantly.

---

I woke up once more and saw Jughead was already up. I know I said that I would get up when he did, but what he doesn't know can't hurt him. I sneakily took a peak at the time, 10:42 AM. I told myself strictly 20 more minutes maximum as I closed my eyes, which took little to no effort, given they were barely open. Acting as though I hadn't woken up in the first place, I started to fall back asleep.

That was until I accidently hit my ankle on the footboard and said, "Ow!" in reaction. "Betts, you okay?" Jughead asked, concerned. Well, there was no going back now. "Yeah, just hit my ankle," I responded. "Oh, okay. Do you wanna get ready to go now or later?" Jughead asked. Oh, wow, I actually get a say in this. "What do you wanna do?" I asked. "Honesty? Sleep," Jughead responded. Oh thank the Heavens, there is a God!

"That sounds like a plan," I gave feedback. "Unless you wanna go eat now," Jughead added on and I instinctively and violently shook my head. I realized how stupid I looked and calmed down. "I mean, sleep sounds good," I clarified. Jughead chuckled and my stomach growled. Jughead looked at me in consideration of skipping sleep and just going to Pop's. "20 more minutes?" I compromised as Jughead agreed and got back in bed.

I sighed, feeling his arms wrap around me, providing comfort. I kissed his cheek and turned to face the other way. "I love you, Juggie," I said. "I love you more," Jughead argued. I blushed, though he couldn't see it. I yawned and nuzzled into the pillow. Remembering we only had about 18 minutes left, I inhaled Jughead scent on his "S" shirt I had on. I took a deep and shaky breath and gave sleeping one last try.

---

After getting ready, Jughead and I walked to Pop's in the freezing rain. I must've been staring off to space for a while, because Jug asked me if I was okay. "What? Yeah, no I'm good. Are you?" I replied, my hand in his. "If you are, I am," Jughead responded with a smile, before I reached up and kissed his lips. I lied. I wasn't okay. Without me even noticing, we had made it to Pop's, and Jughead was holding the door for me. I thanked him andwalked in, as did he.

---  

After eating, Jughead and I walked back into his trailer to find another girl around my age. I was scared, until I found out Jug knew her. "Toni, this is my girlfriend, Betty. Betty, this is Toni, a...friend," Jughead intriduced us. I fakeda smile and we shook hands. "Jughead, could I talk to you for a minute...alone?" Toni inquired. "Betts, could you give us a minute?" Jughead asked politely. "Sure, yeah, of course!" I said and the two walked into the hallway.

I sat down on the couch and wondered, "Who the hell is this Toni bitch, and what does she so urgently need to talk to Jug about?" I heard indistinctive talking in the hallway and made the jealous girlfriend move...I eavsdropped. "That's your girlfriend?" Toni asked in what sunded like shocked anger. "Yeah, so?" Jughead asked, confused. "A Northsider, Jug? You're dating a Northsider?" Toni whisper-yelled. "Still don't see the in all of this," Jughead replied. 

"There's a reason why the Northside and Southside are split up, and it's not to make your relationship all 'forbidden and romantic'. You need to break up with her," Toni explained. How could she? She doesn't even know me and she's trying to end my relationship? "What? No, Toni! I love Betty, and I'm not leaving her just because you say to!" Jughead defended. That scared me, I thought he might actually leave me. What was I thinking? Jughead would never do that.

"You live on the Southside. You're associated with Serpents. You'll only put her in danger," Toni tried to convince him. Danger? What was she talking about? How much Jingle Jangle was she on? "Yeah, I mean, I guess you're right. I need to protect her, she wouldn't be safe with me," Jughead said. What? No! He was really going to leave me. I couldn't hold back the rainstorm of tears coming from my eyes even if I tried. 

Without thinking, I grabbed my bag and ran out of the trailer, slamming the door behind me. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't lose him. I needed to feel lost. Not temporarily, or until Jughead found me and tried to talk me out of it. Not until I'm brainwashed into thinking I'm safe or I'm loved. I'm not, I never was and I never will be! I needed to feel lost permenatly. I needed to feel lost forever.