Fading In The Rain | Bughead

17: "A Sense Of Stability"

TW: mentions of mental illness, mentions of eating disorders, mention of suicide.

How is it that one singular person could make me feel this way? Safe, happy, loved. How is it that he cares so much? How is it that I'm loved back? As he looked into my eyes and told me he loves me, I couldn't help but believe him. As we lay there, half asleep and half awake, I feel different. All the frost inside my heart starts to melt and is replaced with warm. He actually makes me feel all warm inside.

Recovery's been complete hell, but through it all, Jughead's been here with me. "Betts," he whispered. I turned to see that he was still sleeping, which made me assume he was just talking in his sleep. It made me wonder why he said my name, maybe he was dreaming about me? "B-Betty," he whispered again, this time, ever-so-slowly moving his hand to find mine. When he did, he grasped onto it, which made me chuckle as I leaned towards him.

I gently kissed his forehead and his eyes slowly opened. "Morning, Sleeping Beauty," I joked. "Actually, I think you're the Aurora. You are blonde, after all," Jughead corrected. "Whatever," I replied smiling. I remembered the way he whispered my name in his sleep and it made me smile even more. "What?" Jughead asked with a smile. I chuckled at his ignorance. "What is it?" Jughead asked again, nudging my leg to try to get me to tell him.

"Nothing, it's just..." I looked at him as his eyes gleamed of curiosity. How did I tell this to him? Maybe something like..."I heard you whispering 'Betts' in your sleep." Jughead looked a little embarrassed about my knowing this. "Is there...anything...else that I said?" Jughead asked, like something might have accidentally slipped out. "No, you just said my name twice," I replied. Jughead sighed of relief...until I brought something else up.

"You did, however on the second one stutter. Any certain reason?" I asked with a curious raised eyebrow. Jughead looked a little nervous as he responded, "No, no reason." I gave a slight chuckle and nodded, still not fully believing him and said, "Okay," before taking a drink of water from a bottle Jughead had brought over yesterday. "I may have had a dream about you," Jughead admitted. I smiled with my lips still on the rim of the bottle 

"What was happening in it?" I asked, setting the bottle up in my lap. I'm pretty sure I saw Jughead blush, which is definitely a first for me. He looked down, like he was trying to think of how to put it. After bringing his head up, it was clear that he was indeed blushing. "Um, you don't...you don't want to know," he replied. Um, what? If it's what I think it is, I'm guessing it has something to do with the rain simulation we did yesterday. 

"M-meaning what?" I asked, confused if what I thought was true. "Meaning you'd probably hate me if I told you," Jughead replied. "Really? You think I could ever hate you?" I asked. It was humanly impossible for me to ever hate Juggie. He's the only thing that gives me a sense of stability  which is strange, because even though it's gotten better, I still have depression, anxiety, bulimia/anorexia; not to mention the fact that I'm suicidal. I'm very unstable.

"Yeah, maybe," Jughead replied, trying not to laugh, maintaining a smile on his face. I grabbed my pillow and playfully hit him, which caused a lot of pain on my behalf because of the slits on my wrists. After laughing a little bit with Jughead, I felt tired again, per usual. I yawned, and Jughead knew that was one of my more obvious tells. "You wanna go back to sleep?" Jughead asked as I nodded. We cuddled up, just like we have so many times before.

Just as I was about to drift off, I heard something I'd missed hearing and felt something I'd missed feeling: the rain. It was pounding on my window, sending cool breezes through the solid glass. I slowly listed my eyelids to make sure it wasn't all in my head. Indeed it wasn't. The soothing sounds and feels gave me a wave of nostalgia as the tiny drops slid down the glass. "God I've missed this," I thought to myself before closing my eyes and drifting off.  

Hey, Guys! Sorry it took me so long to update, I've been really busy, but that is no excuse. I really hope you guys enjoyed this part; I was kinda lost about what I wanted it to be about, but seriously, OMB (Oh My Bughead), you guys have no idea what's in store! Thank you guys so much for reading, I can promise you updates will be coming more frequently. Bye!