Sarah is thrown back into an ugly past when her old best-friend-turned-enemy kills herself. With the help of new smiles and old glares, she learns that some things just won't stay dead until you make peace with them.
"This year, we are dedicating our Christmas appeal to the Mind Charity," said Ms Northbridge. We were back in the school gym again, and once more the sombre atmosphere seemed to drip persistently down upon each student.
"You'll remember in October we lost one of our girls, Clara, to the result of unchecked mental illness. The Mind Charity works to improve the resources available to young people with mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. Please welcome to the stage Lisa Knight from Mind to tell you more about what you can do."
Applause welcomed to the 'stage' a round but cheerful young woman. She went on to joyously tell us that we could reach out to all these different places to get help for our mental health. I'm sure everyone was trying their best to give her the most respectful audience they could, but they, like I, were stirring in the memory of Clara's suicide.
The Christmas appeal involved us buying candy-canes and cards to give to other students, and then have the proceeds given to charity. The next morning I came to school to find the candy-cane and card station set up by the front doors of the main building. I pulled out the change from my pocket and approached the table, and then froze.
Thea sat between Eliza, Abbey and Lola as they took donations and handed out candy-canes and cards with smiles.
"Are you in line?" I turned around, and a year 9 stared at me expectantly. I turned back, peeling my feet from the floor as I trudged forward.
Lola caught my eye, and I looked away. She'd seen me. I had to stay in line now. The person in front of me took their card, and I was met with four stares that seemed to vary from indifference to outrage. I shoved my change onto the table, and Thea slowly handed me a card. Abbey slid a candy-cane across the desk and looked away. I watched them dismiss me as they pointed their hardened gazes in any direction but mine. I huffed irritably and walked off, shoving the card into my rucksack.
I stomped up the stairs, where Harry was waiting. He pushed his glasses up his nose and pulled the strap of his bag higher on his shoulder. He walked beside me as I made for my locker. I wrenched open the door and flung my bag inside.
"So," he said bemusedly, "I'm guessing you saw who's on the Christmas Appeal Committee this year...?"
I glowered at him and slammed the door closed. We walked side by side to our table, and he wrapped his arm around my stomach and gave it a friendly squeeze. If he was a little taller he might've done so to my shoulders, but the gesture was enough all the same.
"Thanks, Harry," I said.
We slid into our usual table by the window, and I crossed my arms over my chest.
"What are you thinking?" Harry said as he pulled out some last minute English Lit homework.
"That Christmas officially sucks," I growled, and leant my head against the cold window pane.
"How was the funeral, by the way?"
I frowned, "That was two months ago, you know?"
"I know, but..." he trailed off, and put his pen to paper and tried to make it look as though he were doing his homework. I smiled at his subtle ways of showing me that he cared. Maybe I wasn't so alone, after all.
"It was okay. I got yelled at by Thea, though," I said. He looked up over his glasses.
"What? Oh my god, are you okay?" He dropped his pen as his eyebrows shot up.
"Yeah," I laughed half-heartedly, "as I said, it was a long time ago."
But I wasn't okay. It was nothing new to be iced out by my old friends, but for some reason, and maybe it was just the cold weather, it was having some deep and hollowing effect on me now.
I turned my head to the side, looking for something else to talk about, or perhaps let the conversation drop completely, when I spotted Shiloh and Matt arm in arm, approaching our table. I tapped my fingers on Harry's notebook, and he looked up too. He laughed boisterously and I smiled as they sat down. Matt blushed red, kicking Harry beneath the table.
Shiloh rested her hand beneath her chin, fingers pulling a stray strand of hair back from her face as she grinned sheepishly at me.
All three of my friends laughed around me, teasing one another as though nothing else mattered.
And it still felt like I was the loneliest person in the world.
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