Sarah is thrown back into an ugly past when her old best-friend-turned-enemy kills herself. With the help of new smiles and old glares, she learns that some things just won't stay dead until you make peace with them.
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Warm sunshine filled the school hallway as we walked to lunch. Eliza jumped onto my back playfully and I stumbled, gasping a chuckle. Thea spat out a laugh and pulled me up.
"Watch it! Oh my gosh..."
We were in fits of laughter as we stumbled hysterically into the common room, jumping onto our corner of the couch with boisterous yells.
Blonde hair caught our attention in the doorway. Clara walked in slowly, rubbing her arms as she kept her eyes on the floor. We all stilled, sensing that one of us was feeling down.
"Clara..." Abbey cocked her head to the side, holding out her arms, "What's the matter?"
She shook her head and sank into the couch. We all crowded closer, and she sniffed, eyes red around the sides. Her blonde-brown hair was in two long braids - what was meant to be a happy look.
Everyone was silent, waiting for Clara to speak. She laughed sadly.
"I got my Chemistry test back."
We all made pitiful sounds, reaching over to grip her arm. Abbey was next to her, and pulled her head closer to pat her hair. Clara rested her head on her arm and gave a big sniff.
"I'm sure you'll do better next time, Clara," said Thea, and Clara nodded. Lunch gradually got more energetic, and soon Clara was smiling brightly once more. It was Friday, after all.
—
Eliza walked arm in arm with me to the tube station down the street from school.
"Don't forget," she said, "Lunch at mine tomorrow. Half twelve."
"Of course I won't forget," I said, and beamed at her in the sunshine. She beamed back.
"I know you won't. But I'm so excited! Just wait until you see what it looks like!"
"I can't wait either," I said. "Will and I might be a little late. He's got football and I'm making him shower."
Eliza screwed up her nose. "Fair enough."
We caught the train together, as we did everyday, and I got off at my station, waving goodbye on the platform. I watched her cheesy smile disappear into the dark tunnel, and followed the minimal crowd up into the sunshine.
I had my rucksack slung over one shoulder, only my light-weight school shirt and skirt on as the late June heat began to descend on London.
I got home and kicked off my shoes in the hallway, bouncing up the stairs as I let my long brown hair loose. I opened my bedroom door and was met with still, stuffy air and hardly any sunshine. I groaned loudly and marched to my window, shoving back the curtains and throwing the window open to be met with a cool breeze.
"Mum!" I yelled down the stairs, "What did I say about closing my window!?"
"Sarah it's not secure!" Replied Mum's voice, and I put my weight on one leg as I rolled my eyes, "Anyone could climb up there. Also, the sun comes into your room and makes it hotter!"
"No it doesn't!" I protested, "It lets in the breeze, and makes it cooler. Do you want me to sleep in summer or not?"
Mum made a loud impatient noise and I stomped back into my room. My phone buzzed on my desk, and I saw that the group-chat was alive with conversation.
Messenger 16:13 Thea See's Ya to the Sasquatch Sass Squad "I feel like crap."
I Love Harry Styles: "Oh no, Thea, what's wrong?"
Thea See's Ya: "Idk"
Kitty Clara: "What's up"
Sarz Marz Barz: "What's going on?"
Thea See's Ya: "I just feel like I can't breathe sometimes. I have panic attacks in the bathroom at school, and you guys don't notice because I try to put on my best smile."
ElizaBETH: "that's ok thea you don't need to hide it from us. we want to help you. panic attacks aren't a thing to be ashamed of."
I Love Harry Styles: "Yeah Thea bby we want to take care of you."
Sarz Marz Barz: "Yeah. You shouldn't feel like that at school."
Kitty Clara: "She can't help she's got anxiety, Sarah"
Sarz Marz Barz: "I mean't she shouldn't have to."
Thea See's Ya: "I'm sorry if my anxiety is an inconvenience to people. I am trying to reach out to you guys, not ask whether or not my anxiety is okay with you."
I frowned and exited the chat, scrolling down to Thea's contact. I tapped on it and began to type:
Me: "Hey Thea I'm really sorry I didn't mean your anxiety wasn't real or anything I just meant that you shouldn't have to feel that way."
Thea: "It's okay."
I bit my lip. The sentence 'it's okay' was never a true one. I felt my face grow hot with worry. Had I just made Thea mad at me?
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