Paper Cuts (COMPLETED)

Chapter Twenty: Walking and Talking

Clear ice coated the concrete courtyard of the school, and so I slipped every few metres like a deer learning to walk. I slipped once more as I yanked open the door of the main building and pulled myself up by the door handle, swinging myself inside. As usual I made my way upstairs with an absent-minded pace.

The table was occupied by Rebecca and Chelsea and their friends, chewing gum and snorting louder than everyone else in the area combined. I frowned and looked around, searching for Matt and Shiloh, or Harry. My heart sank as I began to fear what I'd previously only lightly suspected.

They were mad.

I turned back around and sped down the corridor to the common room. The common room was full as always, boys throwing soccer balls at each other or whacking one another with pool cues as girls propped on couch arms and against the sides of vending machines.

And there, on the couch in the corner, sat Shiloh with Matt's arm over her shoulder, and beside them laughing with James was Harry. Thea smiled at Shiloh, who gave a smile back, and Eliza edged closer to Harry.

Heat rushed to my head, and I felt shaky all over. I lingered in the doorway, staring with my bottom jaw slack. I shook myself out of it and darted from the doorway and to my first period class.

--

I walked beside Lewis out of the school building. Lewis had head-phones on and half-walked, half-bobbed towards the tube station. I shrugged my coat higher over my shoulders, wrapping myself in its warmth. Footsteps crunched in the ice behind me.

"Hey, Sarah!"

I turned around, and so did Lewis. Shiloh and Harry panted as they caught up to me. I made to turn back around, but Harry grabbed my arm.

"Sarah," he said firmly, "What's the matter?"

I narrowed my eyes. "What's the matter? Why don't you ask Thea and Eliza? I saw you guys in the common room this morning. Are you all great friends now?"

"What? Sar-" Shiloh stuttered, but I cut her off as tears began to well in my eyes and I turned to my brother.

"I'll catch up." Lewis shrugged and meandered off.

"No," I said, turning back to Shiloh and Harry, "It's seriously fine. You can be friends with them," the lump in my throat came out in phlegmy chokes as I spoke, and cold tears frosted on my cheeks in the January air, "All the friends I lose seem to band together anyways."

"Sarah, that's not what is happening at all," Harry said, holding his hands out like he were trying to calm a rabid dog. I folded my arms and sniffed. I tried calming myself with a silent exhale.

"They asked us to sit with them when we got to school," explained Shiloh, "What were we going to do. Refuse?"

"You know what they said about me," I said, and gasped for air as a salivary bubble formed in my mouth, and wiped at my cheeks.

"Yes, and we didn't want to sit with them," Shiloh said, "trust me."

"You said you hated girls that slut-shame," I said, searching for every tendril of evidence I could use against them. Heat rushed up my face as I got angrier and more hysterical. I could feel myself slipping out of control.

"I do," Shiloh said, "That's why I gritted my teeth and pushed through it. I'm still going to be nice to her - she hasn't done anything to me."

"Well that shouldn't matter!" I cried, "You're meant to be my friend! You should defend me, not play nice with the enemy."

I sank onto the icy concrete, feeling the cold water seep through my school skirt. I hugged my knees and sunk my sniffling nose into my forearm. Both Harry and Shiloh squatted down.

"Look, I'm sorry," said Shiloh, tucking her hair behind her ear, "I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have sat with them. I won't do it again," she offered a gentle smile, and reached forward to rub me upper arm, "You're my best friend, Sarah. I wouldn't have anyone without you."

Harry jerked his head back and screwed up his face, "Hey..."

Shiloh gasped and clutched his shoulder, "You too, Harry!" She smiled provokingly, "You know I love you."

It warmed me instantly to see them joking above me - two of my greatest friends in the world crouching over me. I smiled and sniffed the rest of my tears away.

"Sarah, I've been your friend for six months," said Harry, and his glasses had begun to fog up, "but I love you all the same. You may have been friends with those other girls since you were, what, twelve? But you still mean more to me than... FIFA!"

I smirked. He must really mean it, then. I stood up, and the others stood with me.

I rushed forward and hooked an arm around both of their necks, pulling them into a tight hug. They both wrapped their arms around me and each other, and I laughed sheepishly and apologetically with blurry eyes as we embraced in the winter afternoon.

"What the frick."

We broke apart slowly, and Matt stared at us with the same confusion of a puppy trying to figure out if you wanted them to sit or lie down. We all laughed, and Shiloh skipped over to hang her arms around his neck, giving him a showy kiss on his cheek. Harry and I joined the embrace, and all three of us hugged an extremely confused and giggling Matt.