Sisters By Chance Friends by Choice

Chapter 7-Home, Where our Story Began...and Will End

I get off my plane at LAX. I survived tour. It was absolute hell. I cried so much. I yelled so much. I got really, really sick too. One night, I threw up so much that I got really dehydrated. Rach made me go to the emergency room and I did but they couldn't do anything since it wasn't life or death and I wasn't a resident. We went back to the hotel, I drank as much as I could keep down, got all drugged up, and slept as much as I could. The next day, I was on stage doing a show. And from there, everything kept going downhill. Every night, I meant hundreds of kids and saw hundreds more. I would cry before going on stage and as soon as I left it for the last time. Rachel stayed with me the rest of the tour even though mom and dad left. They told me I needed to come home, but I knew I couldn't and so did my publicist, manager, and Netflix. I got shady texts from Rebecca and saw tweets and posts every freaking day. Never a break. Josh didn't text me as much but when he did, he was pissed. I finished the shows on autopilot and boarded the first flight back to LA.
Rachel led me off the plane to baggage claim. We grabbed the one bag we checked that was shared and the 4 bags I had to check for Miranda.  We headed over to a bench by curbside pick up where we were waiting for dad, he drove into LA for me, Rachel, and Kory, and was planning on driving back to SB tonight!  I said, "Guys, seriously, thank you so much. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I would have never in a million years gotten through the rest of the freaking shows without you."
    Rachel said, "Aw Colleen, your welcome. You know we are ALWAYS her for whatever you need.  I can't imagine the hurt you feel right now so I will drop everything to be by your side."
     "Yeah Colleen, you don't have to thank us, that's what best friends and sisters are there for. It's my legit job to follow around and deal with your needy ass!" Kory said.
     Leave it to my gay best friend to lighten the mood. We were all laughing our heads off.
    "But in all seriousness, what are you going to do?" Kory said.
     "I am going to go home, sit on my bed with my husband, and tell him straight up what my heart is saying.  We'll talk it over, and really figure out what we're going to do. I am not going to put it off any longer.  But Josh is going to be pissed. Based on my contract, I HAVE to check with my publicist and manager before releasing this. Also, it will protect me in a way that is confusing but basically keeps me out of court and things. I also have a Netflix show coming out and that HAS to go smoothly."
     "Yes Colleen!  Please don't give up your livelihood for this. You will regret it for the rest of you life. You are not going to march right over to the courthouse and file a divorce. You're going to meet with your people and do this the right way." Rachel said,
"And are you planning on having me stay at your house or...you can't just do this in a house by yourself. It's dangerous."
     "I know. Kory is going to be there in the basement or something just incase." I replied.
     Dad called me and told me he was at the pick up area. We walked out and Rachel got in the passenger seat and i sat in the back with Kory. We drove in silence all the way to Rachel's apartment. I got out of the car to hug Rachel and I reached up around her neck and she held me so tight. She whispered in my ear, "Call me if you need ANYTHING."
     "I will," I promised. I felt a single tear run down my cheek so I reluctantly let go and said bye one more time. I used my thumb to wipe away the tear and climbed into the passengers seat this time.
     When we got back to my house, Kory and I grabbed all of our crap and got out of the car.  We entered my house and Josh was no where to be seen. I knew he was home because he told me he would be but he just didn't care enough to greet us. I yelled, "Josh?  We're back."
     He came to the bottom of the stairs and I realized that for the first time coming home, I didn't call him "baby."
     He said, "Hey, Colleen.  Hi Kory."
     I don't think I have heard him call me Colleen for months. Kory dragged the Miranda bags up the stairs probably to throw them in her room. I stood on the first floor right at the entrance with Josh standing on the bottom step. He stepped down and came over and kissed my head. He said "I'm glad your back."
     Everything was so awkward. Nothing was sincere and I really didn't know what to say. I walk over closer to Josh and I look up at him. His eyes don't  meet mine though. He looks up and down my body and his eyes land on my boobs.  It feels so weird to me even though he's my freaking husband.  After a few, long seconds, his eyes meet mine. He says, "have you lost weight, Colleen?"
     This pushed me over the edge.  I walked into our house vulnerable and afraid. And I know Josh isn't being "oh you look great baby" or "Oh baby, you look unhealthy."  No, he's being, "Oh, your boobs look a lot smaller and really not as good."
     I respond, "Yes, yes I have. I was super sick for a day and a half and kept absolutely nothing down for a solid 16 hours. And I was stressed and upset and just couldn't eat, so yes, I did loose weight."
     I feel tears welling up in my eyes so I grab the only bag left downstairs and run upstairs.  Josh doesn't follow me. I don't want him to. After a minute of just trying not to cry, I realize that I am not sad.  I don't want to cry, I am just so pissed!  I throw the suitcase in Miranda's room and go back downstairs.
     "Josh, we need to talk. Can we please just go upstairs and sit on the bed and discuss whatever the hell needs to be said."
     "Yeah, whatever"
      He follows me and lays down on our bed to be all sexy. I am so f***ing fed up with this attitude. I sit criss cross on the bed and he takes the hint a reluctantly sits up.