Sisters By Chance Friends by Choice

Chapter 12-"A Hug Can Really Help A Lot"

I'm in the car on the way back to my house. My mom is driving; she's gonna stay with me for a while. Rachel is gonna meet us there too. When my mom pulls in, I get nervous. This house is going to feel so much different now. I unlock the door and walk in. Immediately, I'm pissed. Most of the mess has been cleaned up, but there are still some stray beer cans along with pieces of stuffing from the freaking dog. "What the hell?!" I say angrily.
"It's okay, Colleen. We'll get it cleaned up," my mom says, trying to calm me down.
"But it's really not okay. This is my house, and this is how it was left. This is why we aren't married; there's no respect for anyone else's time or energy! The last thing I want to do right now is clean. I'm exhausted, I haven't been home in days, and I'm a little upset to say the very least!"
I keep ranting about everything when the doorbell rings. I think it's Rachel. I peak through the window. It's not Rachel. I open the door and jump into his arms. He's surprised for and doesn't quite know what to do, but I don't care. He'll figure it out.
After just a moment, he gently places his arms around my back. But even as he does this, I feel him moving awkwardly to try to avoid touching my bra straps through my shirt. I have no idea what's with men and feeling so weird about touching girls' bra straps through their clothes. He figures it out and let's his hands rest. "Thank you for coming, Erik," I whisper through tears.
When I let go, he says, "so if you were Miranda, I'd bring you a froze toes, but I know how sick those make you. So I brought you a chocolate cake instead..."
"You did not!" I say.
"I did," he says, smiling that dorky smile.
I lean back into his arms, and he holds me.
This is a hug of comfort. But my head immediately goes to why did I do that, I just got divorced? Why? Why is that how it is? Why am I not allowed to hug a person of the opposite sex because I need security? I think it's a dumb rule.
"So, you want some cake?" He asks.
"Erik, is that even a question?"
He ducks back onto the porch and grabs a literal chocolate cake. "Well here ya go!" He says, smiling.
     I set the cake on the kitchen island.  "Hey, Colleen?  Have you eaten?  Like an actual meal?"
     I just shake my head.  I've been way too stressed and upset to eat.
     "I'm gonna text your sister then and ask her to pick you up something to eat.  Okay?  What do you want?  I'm sure she'll be happy to get it," he says, genuinely concerned about me.
     "I don't want anything."
     "Honey," my mom says, "Erik is right.  You need to eat.  Let Rachel get you something."
     "Just have her get enough In and Out for everyone I guess."
I take the top off the cake container and grab a knife. Within seconds, I'm forking mouthfuls of chocolatey goodness into my mouth.  "Wow.  As if this isn't already incredible, it tastes even better being on my period," I say. 
     My mom isn't at all faced by my comment.  Erik, however, gets all red in the face.  I just laugh.  I love talking about periods and making unsuspecting men feel awkward.
     Twenty minutes later, Rachel comes through the door, carrying bags of food. "I brought you some food, Colleen," she says in a little kid voice.
"I don't want it," I say, putting my forehead down on the counter.
Rachel moves behind me and picks at pieces of my hair. "I know, but you gotta eat."
"I ate cake!" I say, like a baby.
"Yes, but that's not real food. And where'd you get cake?" She asks, confused.
"Erik." I say.
"That's nice."
"Rachel! I'm on my period!" I say, in a whiny voice.
"Okaaay? Are we just complaining about everything now?"
I nod my head as best I can which is still rested on the counter.
"I'm sorry you aren't feeling well and I'm sorry about today. We never talked..." she says, quickly glancing at Erik.
"I don't wanna!" I whine.
Rachel sits in the chair next to me. She spins my chair to face her, forcing me to sit up. She takes both of my hands in hers and says, "Colleen, that's totally fine. But you need to let me know if anything gets worse. And I really do need you to eat."
I finally have to give in and eat some fries and half of a burger for them. An hour after dinner, Erik gets up and says, "I gotta go, Colleen."
I stand up and look at Rachel. She smiles. I know she isn't gonna say what she's thinking, because she's a decent human being. At the same time, I know her "little sister" still comes out once in a while, so I know in her head, she's teasing me.
"Thanks so much for everything tonight. Thanks for coming and thanks for bringing cake! That's literally exactly what I needed."
"Oh, you're welcome. It's the least I could do. If there is anything I can do for you, text me. Seriously, don't feel bad."
With this extended offer, I know he's being serious. Erik would drop anything to help any of our cast or anyone he cares even a little about. "Thanks," I say, smiling weakly.
Before he leaves, I hug him again. This time, he hugs me back immediately. It isn't awkward at all. He just lets his hands rest on my back. It feels amazing. To be in the arms of anyone is my favorite, especially recently. I've spent hours upon months of my life with the HBO cast, but Erik is the only one in LA right now. I decided just to go ahead and tell the four of them since this could've affected the HBO release, and they all were very supportive, but Erik took it upon himself to come over. I'm so glad he did. That hug meant everything.
It's like this; my family, they always love me, no matter what. Rachel, I know she'll always be there to hug me and dry my tears. My mom, she's been picking me back up when I fell down since I was an infant. But my friends, they might not always be there. I was scared, I was scared I was gonna loose everyone I thought cared about me over this. Most of my friends are mutual friends Josh and I share, and no matter what the experts say, it's almost impossible to stay friends with both people in a couple that has broken up. I thought I was gonna end up looking like a b*tch and no one would be there for me. I was wrong. Erik gave up an evening, bought me a cake, and listened to me cry. That was what I needed. And the hugs I got from him made everything better. I'm quickly learning through this process that actions are better than words sometimes. I need someone to make me feel safe and secure, not in a relationship "I love you and wanna have sex with you" kind of way but rather, "I care about you and how you feel" kind of way. A hug can really help a lot.