Sisters By Chance Friends by Choice

Chapter 13-Stop it Colleen!

It's been a week. One week. Seven days. One fifty-second of a year. One week since I signed the papers. Seven days into a new lifetime.
It's been hard, but I can tell, it's gonna be hell now. Why? Because I have to go back online today. I made an agreement that I could have a week off. Haters Back Off comes out on October 14th though, so life has to go on. I vlogged yesterday because I needed something to post today as myself. I've been living my life with Gus and my mom, but she went home. I need to learn to live and process and exist on my own.
An hour after I wake up, I am back in my office, ready to film as Miranda. I look extra ugly from all the crying so that's really cool. I put on a yellow shirt and just no pants because, fun fact, 75% of the time Miranda doesn't have pants on. Two hair clips and some red lipstick later, I'm Miranda.
I am posting everyday this week, leading up to the release of the show on the Miranda channel, but I'll film some tomorrow. I'm really freaking nervous to start posting again. It's not gonna be like it used to be. I am not gonna be able to get online and get very minimal hate, which is how it used to be.
I exhale deeply and wipe a couple tears from under my eyes. "Okay," I say to myself.
I put that stupid smirk on my face and say "Hey guys, it's me Miranda!"
After filming 58 seconds worth of content, I stop.
Since I waited until the last day possible to film, I have to edit too. I edit my vlog and my Miranda video. I'll post them at 12 pm PST.
Around 11, Rachel calls me. "Hey, Rach."
"Hey, I just wanted to make sure you were up and going. You have to film...and edit...and upload...and post...today. You know that right?"
"Yeah, I already filmed the Miranda video. I'm supposed to post the vlog and her video in an hour."
"Okay, I'm glad you're on top of it. Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I'm good. I feel a lot better today."
"Okay, good. I just wanted to tell you, I can't come over today. I have to go film part of a brand deal and won't be home until late this evening. Call me if you need anything though"
"Ooo! Girl! My sister makin them dallas!"
"I try," she says laughing, "okay, bye, bye. Love you!"
"Bye, Rach. Love you too!"
With that, I hang up. It makes me happy that my sister calls just to check on me. But it also is sad that someone feels like they have to do that. I am almost 30 years old! And my little sister is checking on me! What is my life?

Several hours later, after the video is up, I haven't checked the comments or anything at all. I'm too scared. Since Rachel is busy, I text Erik. "Hi 👋🏻 You wanna come over?"
After a few minutes, he says, "sure, what time?"
"30 minutes?"
"Sure. See you then."
"Okay Stocklin!"
Oh my god, that guy makes me laugh so hard-"sure" "sure" "sure"
Half an hour later, just as expected, Erik knocks on the door.
I open it and fall into his arms, laughing hysterically. "What is wrong with you?!" He asks, laughing now too.
I smile, "I've slept 10 hours total in the past week, and I made 2 dozen cookies today and ate all but 5 of them."
"Good. Glad to hear you're taking care of yourself," he says sarcastically.
Erik and I sit on the couch talking with some dumb movie playing in the background. Somewhere along the way, I end up with a beer. Then another. I don't drink often, so when I do, I get tipsy very quickly. And the point from tipsy to absolutely wasted AF is about a beer and a half. So pretty much after four or five beers and a glass of wine over the course of four or five hours hours, I'm drunk. Like, knowing I'll feel it in the morning drunk. I feel like I don't have control of my body, yet I know what I'm doing. It's like I'm watching myself jump around like an idiot in my house.
     There comes a point when I go from drunk to wasted AF.  I do things I know I'll regret.  Alcohol is dangerous for me, and it doesn't take much to get me to a point of "I know I won't remember anything in the morning."  I haven't had a night like this in a long time.  It's usually because Josh would get drunk when we'd go places and I'd have to be dd.  Or we'd be at home, but I didn't feel safe if both of us were out of it.  I'm not like 16 and drunk for the first time.  No, I'm literally laying on my couch after having too much to drink. 
*Remember guys, Colleen is drunk in this.  I have no real idea on how to write from her point of view right now, but let's just say these are things she was saying as they were happening.  Not necessarily that she remembered*
     "No, Erik, please stay with me.  I need someone in bed with me,"
     "Colleen, I..."
     "No, it's fine!  Come on!" Grabbing his wrist.
     "No, Colleen.  Stop it!  You're drunk!  You'll regret this in the morning.  I need to go," pulling his arm away.
     At some point, Erik follows me, helping me up the stairs.  I lay down in the bed.
     The next thing I know, I'm waking up next to Rachel.  How did this happen?  God.  What did I do last night?
     Immediately, I feel the nausea and the headache and the urge to vomit and diarrhea at the same time.  I remember why I don't drink.  "Colleen, are you okay?" Rachel asks quietly.
     "No, and how did I get here?  And how did you get here?  And what did I do last night?" I ask hesitantly, "Do I even want to know?"
     "You got drunk and you wanted Erik to sleep with you.  He said at first you were just asking him to stay the night and sleep in your bed, which he was never going to do anyway.  At some point you pretty much implied that you wanted to have sex.  Being a responsible human being, he helped you to bed and called me.  I rushed over here around 12:30 AM so he could go home."
     "God, that's so embarrassing!  Was he pissed?"
     "No, he was worried about you, Colleen.  What do you remember?"
     "I drank like 4 beers and a glass of wine over the course of like 5 hours.  And I was wasted as fuu!  At some point Erik told me he had to leave.  I remember being mad that he was leaving and I really wanted him to come upstairs with me.  That's it."
     "I mean, yes.  He basically said that, and then you fell down the stairs, so he helped you.  He never got in the bed with you though."
     "God, why did I do that?!  I hadn't eaten a meal in days, so I was drinking on an empty stomach too.   Now I 100% regret it. I hate this feeling.  I want to throw up and diarrhea at the same time!"
     "When's the last time you were hungover?" Rachel asks, laughing.
     "I'd say, July 3, 2015.  I need to go, I'm gonna get sick," I say, carefully getting up out of bed and going to the bathroom.
     Rachel follows me.  She holds my hair and rubs my back. "I know, let it all out, it's okay," she says calmly as I throw up everything I've eaten in the past week into the toilet.
When I stand up, Rachel says, "okay, let's get you back to bed."
I nod my head sadly into her chest. She walks behind me as I get into bed.  "Probably a good time to tell you," she starts, "you threw up last night too.  Erik was still here and I was not yet.  He said you were in the bathroom and he heard you gagging so he went in and tried to direct you to the toilet at which point you started throwing up.  He called me again and I told him to leave the mess. By the time I got here, you were asleep, and I cleaned up."
     "Oh my god," I say, "Now I really am mortified."
     "You should be!" She says, not completely seriously, but kind of, "you ask a guy to come over.  Get drunk.  Ask him to have sex with you.  Then throw up while he's still here.  Classy, girl!"
     "Shut up, Rach!  I'm already embarrassed."
     "I know, and I'm sorry," she says, suddenly sympathetic, "Erik was worried about you, which is why he called me.  He could've just left, but instead, he made me deal with your sloppy ass," laughing, "Everyone has been here and Erik isn't mad at you.  I asked him if he was okay, and he said he was fine.  He didn't want you to get hurt, Colleen.  If you would've hooked up last night, you'd feel even worse right now. Erik was being responsible. If he would've done what you asked, you could've charged him with sexual assault. I promise it's gonna be okay. Come here," Rachel says extending her arms around me.
I let my head relax into her shoulder. This has been one weird morning. I don't get why Rachel is so good at consoling me. She's never been married, she isn't divorced, and I know she's a virgin. Yet, she's exactly who I need with me right now.
"Rach?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you for coming over in the middle of the night last night. Then cleaning up. Then staying here. Thank you."
"Anytime. Actually, scratch that. Let's not make it a habit of you throwing up and me coming to clean. Can we not do that anymore? But, if I had to come over here every night for weeks, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Matt might not be too happy about it but..." she says, laughing, "okay, are you okay? We need to get some food in your stomach or else you're gonna keep getting sick."
I nod. I stand up slowly and Rachel takes my hand. I don't know what I'd do without her.