Texas Tornado (Slow Updates)

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO : THE GUILT

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: THE GUILT

What have I done, what have I done, what have I done?

Those are the only words that are going through my mind at this moment and the only words that were going through my mind today since my failed phone call with Aaron.

But seriously, how could I have blindly done something so inconsiderate towards someone that was clearly in an unstable emotional state? Yes, Aaron has his faults, but nobody hurting the way he was hurting deserves to be left like the way I left him last night.

I feel like vomiting every time I think about how much of an awful person I am. I had never realized that my running away from problems was a problem until something like this happened.

Aaron was finally beginning to let me in and was finally giving me a glimpse of an actual human being with feelings and I managed to fucking blow it. Which is something I seem to be doing a hell of a lot lately.

Maybe if I could have talked to him to apologize and explain why I did what I did he would consider talking to me again.

Oh, who am I kidding, if he would have walked out like that on me I would never want to see his face again.

Why do you care so much if he talks to you again?

Letting out a sigh I close the laptop that is sitting on my lap and place it on the bedside table beside me. I have tried all day to keep my mind busy by eating ice cream and watching Friends but it isn't working. Chandler's sarcastic comments weren't even making me smile so it was no use trying to cheer myself up anymore.

At one point I even considered jumping in my car and driving to Texas myself to go talk to him. I just don't want him to think that I left him to intentionally hurt him. As wrong of a solution as it is, running away from my problems is just my way of dealing with them. It's the only way I found that completely protects me from getting hurt.

Clearly he's not the only fucked up one. I am who I am because of the things that I went through too. I just hope to make him understand that some day.

I used to cope with things by taking rides around town with my car. Going to Texas would have been a little extreme but I'm guessing he doesn't just need time to himself, he needs distance.

Wait a second!

How did Aaron even get to Texas if he doesn't have a car?

That lying asshole! He's not on his way to Texas! How could I have been so stupid? First off, obviously he would have told his mom if he was going across the country. And secondly, Aaron doesn't have a fucking car or the money to pay for gas.

For an honour student, you catch on really fucking slow.

I know, I'm disappointed in myself too but this is no time for jokes I have to go find out where he is!

Where would Aaron go if he had no desire to talk to anyone?

The question makes me realize that even though I don't know a lot about Aaron, I do know where he goes for some peace and quiet, the night train.

As soon as the words echo in my head I rip the covers from off of my body, jump out a bed, throw on an old volleyball sweatshirt and bolt out the door without even letting Alana know where I'm going, not that I have to but anyways.