Sincerely, Mike

FEBRUARY 27 2012

FEBRUARY 27 2012

Dear Billie,

Today, I visited Spazzy at Tré's house.

Needless to say, it was beyond depressing.

I really, really wish you could see just how much he misses you. I know you think that you're the world's worst dad, but like I've been saying day in and day out for the past two years, I can assure you that that's not the case.

This kid, Billie, this boy that you brought into the world, albeit accidentally, loves you so indescribably much. I've never seen a kid so young show so much blatant and deep love for anyone. Ever.

Kids with shitty dads don't ask for Daddy nonstop when they leave, Billie Joe. Kids who hate their dads don't cry themselves to sleep every night when they haven't seen Daddy in a month. Kids who don't love or feel loved in return don't fall into endless depression spells when their main source of love just disappears out of the blue.

He doesn't smile, he doesn't laugh, he doesn't eat. All he does is cry and ask for you until he's so drained he collapses.

These are not things kids with awful dads do.

These are things that kids with amazing fathers who would give anything for them, who love them to the ends of the earth and back a hundred times, who are their very essence and everything, do.

At this point I sound like a broken record, I know I've been saying it since that first night on the bus, when no one knew what was going on and it seemed like the world as we knew it was on the verge of ending, but my point remains.

You are not an awful dad.

You never have been.

You never will be.

Even since that first night on the tour bus, Billie-that first moment when you didn't know how any of this had happened, or what you were going to do, or what the future held, but still chose to take on the immense challenge of being a single first-time father to a sick, prematurely-born baby- I, along with the rest of the free world, knew that you were not only more than destined to be a father, but a great one at that.

And time has held onto my words and only proven them to be more than true.

I've never seen anyone give, sacrifice, or love as fully and unconditionally as you have in the past two years. I've never seen a man so utterly head over heals in love with the life he created (myself included in that count), and never before have I seen a kid so young love their dad so damn much.

You're his everything, Billie. It's obvious to anyone who's ever seen you two together for even a split second, and it's especially obvious to anyone who sees him the way he is now.

He's nothing without you.

Try as Tré and I might to be there for him, there will never be anyone who understands him, comforts him, plays with him, holds him, hugs him, kisses him, loves him, or makes him feel the way you do. The bond between you and this precious life you created is literally indescribable and unlike anything else in this entire damn world that I have ever fucking seen.

It truly, in the most sincere sense, is a thing of absolute beauty.

You really are the world to him, Billie.

And if that doesn't make you an absolutely incredible father, and even more so an absolutely incredible person, then I don't know what the hell does.

That being said, I genuinely need to ask something of you, Billie, and I need to ask you on your son's behalf.

Please, Billie Joe, for the love of all that's good, stop hating and depreciating yourself.

You have done nothing, absolutely nothing, to merit the hatred that you have for yourself.

You know there are so many things in this life that I'm uncertain of, and recent events have of course all but helped that, but this...

This is one of the few things that I am more than sure of.

You are, in short, the most amazing human being I have ever met. There's nothing you can't do. You're smart, you're funny, you have a heart of gold, you give so much of yourself and expect nothing in return.

But more than anything, you are loved.

You are important.

You are amazing in every possible way.

You are...well, you.

You're Billie.

And goddamn are you amazing at being you.

I know you struggle with seeing things this way. I know these insecurities are what led you down the dark path that landed you where you are now.

But now that you're leaving all the pills and alcohol behind, I ask- I beg- that leave the self-hatred behind with it.

You're more than worth it.

I hope one day we can see eye to eye on this issue, Billie.

I hope with every cell in my body that one day you can look in the mirror and see what the rest of us see and not this distorted, one hundred percent fictitious image of yourself that seems to plague you.

I realize how corny this is, but I genuinely mean it when I say that I, Michael Ryan Pritchard, have always believed in you, your worth, and your abilities to do anything you set your mind to and will never, ever give up on you.

And I hope one day you will, too.

Sincerely,
Mike

I am not looking for a bargain,
All I really believe in is you.

-
Yes, I'm back and well aware of the fact that I was gone for far too long. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about this story (in fact, it's quite the opposite, I spend a lot of time planning and thinking about it); I just hardly ever have time to actually sit down and write it. The good news is, with the holidays fast approaching, I'll have a lot of time off from school to sit down and write and will hopefully be updating much more often in the coming months. Also, should you want to read the story of Billie's first night as a father and how Mike came to his aid, check out my story Warmth.

As always, the link to my playlist for this story is conveniently located in my bio, so should you want to take a listen, head on over there and tell me what you think. Please feel free to vote and comment on this story and let me know what you think, it's greatly appreciated!

That's all for now. And since I probably won't be updating before Thursday,  a happy thanksgiving to all of my fellow Americans.

~Jay