Crimson

Chapter eighteen Realization

Sobbing, muffled voices, faces moving in and out of my vision, darkness. Flashing lights, red and blue, movement, darkness.

Dark shadows moved through the darkness. Cruel voices sounded in my head, "This is your fault."
"What did you do?"
"You caused this."
"You killed her."
The voices suddenly stopped and images flashed through the darkness. Lexi, smiling like usual in school, but her face contorted into a sneer as blood begin to drift on her for head. She looked at me, peering through gaping holes where her eyes once were. When she open her mouth to speak, blood began to pour out. "Why Sarah?" She moved closer to me, reaching out a hand. "How could you let me die just like Kyle? This is all your fault. Why? I trusted you!" I was unable to move as her fingers wrapped around my throat, squeezing with more force than I thought possible. "Now it's your turn." As her fingertips broke through my skin, I managed to scream.

"Sarah?! Sarah, please wake up!" The voice sounded familiar. "Please, come back to me."

"Rogue?" My eyes opened slowly and my vision cleared. He was standing over me in a bright room. "Where are we?" I sat up quickly and immediately felt a sharp pain in my head, forcing me back down onto the pillow.

"Hey, calm down. We're just at the hospital, you hit your head pretty hard when you fell. Do you have any idea what happened?" I shook my head and he sighed. "Well, according to the police, she's been dead at least four hours." I felt my eyes begin to close as he was talking. "Sorry, I'm going to let you get some more sleep." He stood up and moved towards the door, "Call me if you need anything." He stepped out and closed the door behind him. I felt myself drift off to sleep.

The dream was familiar, I'd had it every night for I don't know how long. I was in a room with many men in white. He would talk to me and ask questions like who I was, and when my birthday was. For some reason, this dream was very comforting to me. I was answered each question the best I could. Always hear the end of the dream, one of the men would say it was enough and take me into another room with just is and the door. He would begin to change, his face morphed from the kind man to a terrifying monster. I always woke up at this point, but this time I couldn't. I panicked as my dream changed to a nightmare. The lights flickered then died, I was left alone in complete darkness with a creature. I took a step back against the wall, a low growl came from in front of me. I knew it was only a dream but I could not get over the fact that it felt so real. I need to wake up, I brought my head forward and slammed it back against the wall, jolting awake at the same time. "Rogue!"

I screamed the name without thinking it and almost immediately after, Rogue came rushing in. "Sarah?! Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just a bad dream. I'm fine." I sighed as I laid back in my pillow after Rogue visibly relaxed.

"What was it about?" He sat in a chair by my bed. "I mean, you did call out to me, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm sure I'm okay. Besides, you said I could call you if I needed anything. I just want to go home. Do you think they'd stop us from leaving?" I looked towards the window, it was already light outside. "What time is it anyway?"

"You didn't answer my question, I asked what your dream was about." His voice held a slight annoyance. I don't say anything right away, I just continued to look out the window. The day beyond seemed peaceful, a sharp contrast against the dim lighting of the small hospital room. A couple birds flew by, chirping loud enough to be heard from inside. Rogue and I sat in silence for a few moments longer before I began to speak.

"Well, it's kind of hard to explain," I continue to stare out the window, placing myself away from the situation. Rogue shifted in his seat beside me and I continued. "I have this dream so many times, and it feels real. I'm in a room with men in white and they ask questions about my life and just about me. I don't mind it, it feels normal. But then, after a while, another man comes in and takes me to a different room. A room where it's just us." I stole a glance towards Rogue, he was leaning back in his seat with his eyes closed, his eyebrows gives light switch so I hurried and continued talking. "Sometimes I'll wake up at soon as the door closes, and I hope for that every night. Sometimes I don't wake up in the man does horrible things to me, and hurts me," my voice begin to shake, "I try to scream but the walls are padded and nobody can hear me so I'll detach myself from the reality of the dream. That sounds crazy, right? It's just a dream, there shouldn't be any reality. It's like I know the bad things are happening but I just close my eyes and think of something else. It's just a dream though, that shouldn't be possible." I shivered and bit my lip for a second, letting my breath out slowly before continuing. "sometimes I wonder if that is the reality and this is the dream. I mean, it would make sense and explain a lot of things. Your personalities, yours and everyone else's, they're just different. There's just too many inconsistencies and I can't—"

"Hey wait a second." Rogue cut me off and I bit my lip to stop myself from speaking. He held up a finger and was quiet. "Do you hear that?" My phone was ringing and at the same time getting text notifications. Beethoven's "Requiem" interrupted by guitar riffs from George Thorogood and the Destroyer's "bad to the bone" sounded strange.

I answered it and was immediately greeted by Mike yelling feverishly on the other side. He told me that Millie had been arrested under the assumption that she had killed Lexie. "And that's not all," he stumbled over his words before he began again. "She hasn't denied it, and the even found proof. Sarah, are you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm here." My voice sounded foreign, like it wasn't even mine. I had to calm myself down before I said anything else. "Mike, can you do me a favor and put Leo on the phone? The other line was quiet for a second as I heard the phone being handed off.

"Hello? This is Leo." His voice sounded a little choked, his words short as if it was difficult for him to speak.

"Hey, can you go somewhere else so you'll be alone?"

"Yeah, just a second." Again, I heard shuffling on the other side of the phone. "All right, I'm alone." His voice sounded completely different from before. He didn't sound sad or worried, this time he actually sounded somewhat amused.

"Can you please finish telling me what you were saying last night?"

"What do you mean?" His voice held a smile.

"You know what I mean. You were trying to tell me something last night in the kitchen, but Rogue hit you. Don't act like you don't know."

"Oh that, well remember I said not to worry about it? My cousin was just arrested, so I have to go." If he was worried, he didn't really seem like it but I sighed and hung up anyway. As I pulled the phone away, I heard a hurried and muffled, "it's not real." But when I lifted the phone back to my ear, the line was dead. I hung up feeling close to the same.

"What's going on?" Rogue took my phone and held it to his ear, made a strange face, then gave it back. "Well, everything seems okay now, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so." I couldn't shake the strange feeling I had. The words kept playing in my mind as if on a broken record but there was more than one voice.

Many voices whispered to me, "It isn't real. It isn't real. It isn't real." Something clicked in my mind. It isn't real. Panic rose in my throat, and I had to steady my breathing. It isn't real. I closed my eyes, ignoring Rogue asking if I was okay. It isn't real. It isn't real. IT ISN'T REAL. Silence.