AFRAID OF THE DARK

CHAPTER 29

Jaivan carries me to his room after we leave the others. He tries to kiss me, but I place my hand on his chest to stop him. He gives me a childish pout and I chuckle at his cuteness. Cute, but still extremely sexy. I know I'll never be able to stop once we start. I crave his lips like I crave ice-cream. My mouth waters for both.

"What's wrong?" He asks and places me on the bed.

"We still need to talk." I sit on the bed next to him.

Jaivan lays down on the bed and rubs his face with his hands. "I don't think I can handle any more talk about your brief relationship with my little brother."

I frown and feel tears in my eyes. "I'm sorry."

He pulls me down with him so that we are now facing each other. "I didn't mean to make you feel guilty. I know it wasn't your fault. Aidan tricked you into believing you were his mate. You felt the bond with my wolf. I don't blame you in any of this."

"But I do feel guilty. You had remained faithful. All of these years after we first met, I was sure you were going to be my mate, then I met Logan and learned he was my mate. After Logan, I met Aidan. I didn't recognize either as the boy I fell in love with many years ago. I did recognize Aidan as my mate. I...I could feel his love for me and I let myself begin to love him. When Aidan showed me the video of him and what I thought was me, I thought my memories had played tricks on me. I wanted to love him more, but he angered me as well. So much. I hated that he had sent me away." I touch Jaivan's cheek. "Then I met you and what I had felt when I first saw you had scared me. You took my breath away. I couldn't describe the attraction I had for you."

"Well, I am kind of irresistible." He chuckles.

I smile and run my hands through his hair. I know he's trying to joke to take away some of the stress of our talk. "Jaivan, what did you do those times you disappeared. Beau had said you would disappear for days and sometimes weeks. Where did you go?"

Jaivan sighs and grabs my hand. "I would come here. This place belonged to another Alpha. I had been out searching for my second mate with no luck. The Alpha had found me pissed drunk out in the woods one day and brought me in. They helped me clean up. I would go home when I thought I was better, but then I would remember everything I lost when I returned. Again, I would search for my second mate, get drunk and come back here. Luna Morgan would try to help me sober up, but alcohol helped me numb the pain. Alpha Boris would keep the females away from me. I wasn't in my right mind at the time. I feared I would use a girl to help forget everything and regret it later. I had no desires to be with a girl that wasn't you, but not even I trusted myself when I was drunk."

"A-are you sure you never kissed another girl or..." A lump in my throat chokes me from talking.

"I stayed locked up in the room they gave me for most of my stay. Alpha Morgan had guards placed at my door. I may have had their Alpha's trust, but I was still an outsider. They didn't want me near their pack females. Besides, I was too drunk most days to take care of my hygiene. I don't think any girl would want to be near me." He smiles, but there is pain in his eyes. "There was this bar that also sold liquor. I would go there for a meal and a drink. The waitress would always flirt with me, but I had no interest in dating. My wolf was as loyal as I was. As I am. I was determined that I was going to stay a virgin for life. I didn't touch another girl when I had him and I still didn't after.  The waitress had confessed that she fell in love with me. I avoided her for a week, but started to see the pain in her eyes every time I saw her. I delt guilty and asked her to join me for dinner the next time I returned."

"Oh." I look down.

"I never went back. We never had that dinner. I stayed in the next night and drank everything I had left. I was nearly passed out when I heard the alarms of the pack house go off. A pack of rogues had attacked. There had been hardly anybody left by the time I made it out. I didn't have a wolf and I could barely stand on my own two feet, but I fought the best I can. I can't remember most of the night, but I somehow woke up at my old pack. I woke up with Stefi in the room with me. It had been after dreaming of you. The Moon Goddess was showing me a future with you."

"You were at my grandfather's pack. I remembered some of it when I saw the cloaked figure. She had killed my grandmother." I wipe a tear from my face.

"I was asking for entrance when I heard the fright in your grandmother's voice for you to run. I ran past the guards and they had been chasing me. I didn't make it there in time to save your grandmother. I stayed by your bedside until your grandfather told me of his vision. He told me of the war with the dark creature. I needed to start preparing. I wasn't sure when you were going to arrive, but I trusted what he said was right. I stopped drinking and returned to build a pack. I survived in the woods until I had a pack big enough to take over this house. I had only found five members of Alpha Morgan's pack, but a few of them joined with Aidan. Five of them were rescued. There are more under the dark spell."

"The Alpha and Luna?" I ask, but I am sure I already know the answer.

"They died that night their pack was attacked." He frowns. "They were like family to me."

"I'm sorry, baby." I wipe his tears away.

"Now you know everything. I have no secrets that can be used against me." He sniffs my neck and I feel his body stiffen. "Okay, maybe one more secret."

I look at him with worry, but see his lip quirk up slightly. "What is it?"

"I, uh, haven't been using protection. Your with child, Angel. I can smell your pregnancy." He still has a slight smile, but there's also a bit of worry. "Please, don't be angry."

"I'm pregnant?" I ask to be sure I heard right and he nods.

"You're mad aren't you?" He winces when I sit up and hit him with a pillow.

"I'm not mad because I'm pregnant with your baby." I hit him with the pillow again. "I'm mad because it's bad timing. I'm mad because we are going to war. I'm mad, because I know what you are going to say."

Jaivan grabs my arms and pulls the pillow out of my hands. "You're not going to war. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to let anything happen to you or our baby."

"You can't do this! Mates are stronger together. I have to go! You can't fight alone. You can't!" I yell.

"I'm sorry, Angel. You are the one they are after. They are going to try to hurt our child to get to you. You know it's true. I'm not going to let that happen. It's too dangerous." He remains calm.

"You did this on purpose." I pull my legs in to cry out the pain.

"No. It was an accident. I was so excited about finally having you at my side. Feeling your lips on my mine. Your body against mine. I couldn't think straight. I wanted to be with you so badly. You were pregnant that first night. I didn't know. You were already pregnant when I reconnected with my wolf.  I didn't have a scent to know there was a change to it." He pulls me back into his arms to let me cry on his shoulder.  "My dad noticed and asked.  That slight vanilla scent I smelled on you is stronger now.  Our baby is growing and I can smell her more.  I know it's a baby.  Our baby.  My wolf is more protective.  He, we, don't want you to fight."

"You're stronger if I'm by your side. I can't let anything happen to you. I can't lose you. Don't do this." I look up to see tears running from the corners of his eyes as well.

"Don't cry, Angel. I hate seeing you cry." He rubs his cheek against me to comfort me and my wolf. "I have an idea, but you may still not like it."