Existent

freedom

I guess before this moment, I had come into contact with freedom before. Brushed it with my finger tips, caught glimpses of it as I would lift the glass further back. My freedom was safe and confined, unless it was under the influence of a chemical stronger than one I was able to create. 

My past experiences with freedom contradicted the very concept of it. The options were endless, like a never ending piece of flimsy string- but I guess I got too tangled into the wrong perception. 

I had never known, what freedom was- no not until the seeming depiction of it was taken away and I was left in a mental cage. You don't know what you want until you want it. You cannot have a craving for something you have never had a hit of. 

I met her, a girl who was- at first impression- quiet and simple. Eyes never quite meeting yours, hair a lifeless blanket to shade the pink embarrassment that would outshine her pale cheeks. She seemed certain in her nature, just like I did in mine. 

But like a web unravels, so did she. She was indefinite in her true self, a girl built out of fits of meaningless laughter conceited by waves of tangled, beautiful hair, eyes wide and still growing, conversations never the same, mind an over active bubble or regret, heartbreak, fear and utmost kindness. She had no outline, that girl. She was unspecific, without boundaries. 

And now, in this moment, she is careless while drowning in her fear and my own. She dances through the black of night like she knows exactly where she is going in the dark. Stars line the pathway in which she walks for me to follow, and I would follow her throughout the world.

Going nowhere and somewhere all at once, speeding through space and time itself, I can feel everything I've ever neglected to feel. The wind on my face, the sound of silence, the water in the air- the sensation of being utterly irresponsible- not because I wanted to be reckless or vengeful, but because I wanted no more than to be able to breathe. To drink in life through my lungs. To want no more than what I have never had.

And although everyone I knew told me I was tied down, moving too quickly, a teenager engaged into something they can never return from without a lot of collateral damage-  I had never felt more alive than I felt completely committed to the girl who gave me the ability to see clearly, to breathe easy- the girl who made me free.