Existent

Life support.

It was almost as though life had given up on me instead of the other way around. I was giving my all, but my all didn't scratch the surface of good enough. 

Instead of letting go, I was trying to stand my ground. Gravity was becoming non existent in my own parallel universe that I had built within the confine walls of my mind, and it was almost as though the magnetic field in which we were meant to be shielded from, caught onto my heart- that was not made of stone like all those around me, but rather a material more precious than gold, but extremely fragile- magnetic- easily influenced, easy to give in, to give up- but only because it had taken so much. 

Release felt terribly good, so good it was terrible. To lose grip on the earth, let loose my nails digging into the dirt, head tilted back into the dept of an ocean that was of course, too shallow to lose all my self, but still enough that my whole body was submerged, ears, eyes, closed, in fear of the water, drowning my senses, but leave my mouth open wide enough so that maybe if I just stop, fighting, for one brief intellect of time, my lungs might fill so wide, that they would stop moving and slowly die. 

But to allow that, meant to leave the light and sink deep into the night, a night that does not end, day a shrine of the mind, wishing to climb out of the grave that I had cried myself into, each

and every 

night. 

Then to realize, my heart wasn't mine to decide, to switch off, like a sad song, beat far too emotional to carry on- it belonged to her, the only thing that kept me up and kept me down, and stirred me in between, gave me light when there was none, pointed out the sun when I was blind to it's rays even though they were so bright, and written in her eyes- the stars I had wished to see my whole life, but then taken from me every night, was her warm embrace and sheepish grin pressed light against my shoulder blades which one day,

wings will sprout right out of the concave holes that someone dug out, in which to tell me I would never fly, but you taught me all the reasons why, that I can dance across the sky, even when it's black and there is no light, you'll be standing by my side, and even if I cannot walk you'll be my guide, you rise me up when all I want to do is cry, you wipe the tears from my eyes, even when you're not there you keep me alive. You're the words to every song my soul screams and can no longer hide, you're a limitless end, the lyrics to my life.