You don’t have to be perfect for anyone, it’s someone that has to find you perfect as you are.
Do you ever just want to scream because someone is so frickin cute and you like them so much and you want to smooch them forever?! No, just me?
Being able to instantly respond with sarcasm is actually a sign of a healthy brain. My brain must be the healthiest one ever!
Do you ever listen to music and suddenly you’re like wow I want my life to be the way this song sounds I want to live in this song.
“Sure thing baby;)” I say to you. You think I have just used “baby” as a term of endearment, but in reality babies are dumb and loud and obnoxious. I have insulted you and you don’t even realize it. Take that Society!
Do you sometimes wonder why you have weird friends, but then you snap and realize that you’re as weird as them.
How the fucks do some girls get boyfriends so easily, like what the hell, do you create them in your basement or what?
I hate it when Netflix pauses and asks me if I’m still watching like yeah you actually think I go up and started doing something with my life. Bitch, put my show back on.
Have you ever just stopped and realized that if you hadn’t met a certain person in your life, your life would be completely different.
Sassy English teachers are the best because they’re beyond sarcastic and somehow always end up insulting the kid that you hate and everyone else likes.
I’m literally my own best friend like I have inside jokes with myself and sometimes I’ll think something funny and start laughing out loud at how funny I am.
Thigh gaps are cute. No thigh gap is cute. Flat tummies are cute. Non flat tummies are cute. Short hair is cute. Long hair is cute. Short hair is cute. But you know what isn’t cute? Making somebody feel terrible about their appearance simply because you don’t like it.
People who share their food with me have a special place in my heart.
YOU THINK YOU’RE REAL CUTE, DON’T YOU? REAL FUCKING CUTE, RIGHT? I think so too.
I’m the kind of person that could eat an entire sleeve of double stuffed Oreos, but then eat an apple and think I’m healthy
I don’t get why people tell other people to calm down. Like what the fuck, if I’m mad and you tell me to calm down I’ll throw a brick at your face.
I NEED to delete pictures off my phone but I’m such a photo hoarder like I never know when this pic could come in handy I can’t delete that.
R.I.P to all the friendships where we acted like lovers at some point, and now we barely talk.
Every time she laughs she hopes he’s watching. Not so that he sees she’s happy but maybe, just maybe he’ll fall for her smile just as hard as she fell for his.
Desperate for money? NASA will pay $15,000 to anyone who is willing to sit in bed for 87 days, to research the effect of zero gravity.
Raise your hand if you are scared shit less about the future yet couldn’t care less at the same time.
Its only Monday and I’m already done with this week.
Having friends you know you can trust.
I want you to be happy, but I want to be the reason.
Rule of math: If it seems easy, you’re doing it wrong.
That moment when you open a pack of gum, and suddenly everyone is your best friend.
That awkward moment when there’s an awkward moment, and everyone knows it’s an awakward moment, then somebody sings, “Awkwaaaaard” (That awkward moment when it’s you.) (Awkwaaaard;)
Just in case no one told you today: Good morning, you’re beautiful, I love you, nice butt. If someone has told you please just leave now;)
Don’t you think its funny how the person you’re going to marry is on this earth as of right now? Don’t you ever wonder what they’re doing?
Being nice to those you don’t particularly like is not being two-faced, it’s called growing up.
I wonder if anyone thinks of me when they can’t fell asleep at night. Lol, nope.
Sleeping on your stomach can induce weirder, scarier, and sexier dreams.
Who else hates the sound of their own voice on video.
I’m pretty sure I was supposed to be a princess. No, seriously. Someone better fix this shit.
I want to listen to you but I’m thinking about snacks.
Home is where you can say anything you want because nobody listens to you anyway.
Someone broke into my house last week. They didn’t take the television just the remote. Now they drive past my house changing the channels. Sick bastered.
Whoever can change your emotions is the one that has your heart, whether you’re in a relationship with them or not.
If you try to recite the alphabet without moving your lips or tongue every letter will sound the same.
Now start moving your lips and tongue again.
Everyone in life is going to hurt you; you just have to figure out which people are worth the pain.
if you search for “elgooG” on Google, it will take you to a Google website that is completely backwards.
Hearing someone call out your name when no one has actually called your name is considered a psychological sign of a healthy mind.
I miss being a little kid with no stress, worries, or care in the world.
I gotta carry my phone around with me 24/7 just in case nobody texts me.
Women and men should both know how to cook, because neither feminism nor sexism are going to do shit for you when you’re hungry.
Date idea: feed me grapes and fan me with giant leaves while I sit on a couch in a toga.
