Supernatural Sister Imagines

Imagine #39: Guilt

SPOILERS FROM SEASON 13 EPISODE 6 AHEAD. YOUVE BEEN WARNED.

Imagine: After Jack disappears from the bunker, he returns in secret to your bedroom a few days later.

Age: 18

     Something changed in the air. Something was missing from it, it was gone. I could feel it. And a part of me, even though I tried to deny it, a part of me knew that Jack was the missing piece.

     I tried to deny how much I'd come to like the teen. I tried to be like Dean; tried to hate him; blame him. It was his fault Cas was dead.

     But it wasn't, and I couldn't, and when Cas returned I found that I was allowed to like him because he saved my best friend's life.

     He killed somebody and I was ready and willing to forgive him.

     But he wasn't.

     He blamed himself and he beat himself down to the point where he believed he needed to go away, and so he did.

      That was three days ago.

     And there's been no trace of him, save for his absence, a feeling that lay thick in the air and suffocated Team Free Will relentlessly.

     I couldn't deny that I missed him. Dean couldn't deny that he felt guilty, Cas too. And Sam? Sam couldn't deny that he felt like he failed Jack. We all did.

     The bunker was quieter than it used to be, none of us really having the inspiration to speak unless it was a good morning or a good night. We milled about and made up stupid excuses to avoid hunts and spent the majority of our time hopelessly scouring the internet for some sort of sign that he was out there, never receiving one. Life was slow, boring, and depressing, as none of us really had the energy to believe we'd ever see the child Antichrist ever again.

     So imagine my surprise when three days after his disappearance, he showed up in my room, acting as though it were completely normal for him to be there while I drew my knife with a half-scream, startling him.

     "Woah, woah, Y/n!" He said, holding out his hands defensively, "Its just me."

     "Jack?" I asked, slowly lowering my knife as I stood up off my bed, eyebrow raised in confusion. He smiled, but his eyes were dark.

     "Yeah, it's me." I was rushing forward before he could say anything else, snatching him up and hugging him. He quickly hugged me back, and when I pulled away, I saw hints of tears in his eyes.

     "What are you doing here? I thought you were gone, or worse!" I said, hitting his shoulder angrily, "I have to go get Sam and Dean. Cas will be happy to see you."

     "No, don't!" He was firm, adamant, and the extremity of his demeanor made me stop in my tracks and turn back to him, "I'm not staying."

     "Then why are you here?" I asked.

     "I-" He hesitated, and the thickness of his voice gave away the evident disparity he held, immediately causing my anger to dissipate into concern, "I had to see you."

     "What's wrong? Jack, did something happen?" I reached up and held his face in your hands, and it seemed to break him. He began to sob, leaning into my embrace.

     I wrapped my arms around him, his head falling to my chest as I sat down on the bed, pulling him with me. I stroked his hair and kissed his forehead repeatedly, trying to shush him.

     After a few minutes, his crying dribbled down into little sniffs and whimpers as I rubbed his back.

     "How did you get so broken, darling?" I whispered into his hair, kissing his scalp.

     "I can't do this, Y/n. I've tried, but there are so many things out there, so many terrible things. I don't want to hurt people, but all I've ever done is hurt people." He clung to me like I was a lifeline, his face buried in my shoulder.

     "That doesn't have to be true," I attempted to calm him, "We can change that. You just have to come home."

     "No," He sprang away from me suddenly, wiping at his eyes, "No. I'm not, I can't come back. That's not why I came."

     "Then why?"

     "Because I needed to tell you goodbye."

     "Goodbye?" My voice was afraid as I forced yourself to my feet before him.

     "I thought I could be normal. Live with humans, be a human. But I can't. So I'm going away, where I can never hurt anyone again. Somewhere where I'll be alone." He explained, wringing his hands together as he looked at me.

     "I can't talk you out of this, can I?" I realized slowly, hopeless agony dripping from my voice.

     "No."

     "Then let me come with you!" I said, suddenly desperate not to lose the boy again, "You've never hurt me, you could never hurt me, we can go off together where there are no people and I can teach you how to control what you have and one day we can come back together." I pleaded.

     "Y/n, you can't leave your brothers for me, you can't." And despite my disparity, I couldn't deny that I knew his words were true.

     "What do I have to do to make you stay?" I whispered, and a few more tears dripped down his cheeks. He came forward and placed his hand on my cheek.

     "I have to." Was all he said, before stepping away. When I saw that his eyes had begun to glow, I sprang to action.

     "Jack?" I cried, and he looked up just as I grabbed the front of his shirt, yanking him toward me and planting my lips on his.

     I thought he'd be surprised. I thought he sit with wide eyes and allow me to kiss him without kissing me back, or worse, push me away.

     But it was like he was expecting it.

     He kissed me back with a passion so heavy it made my knees buckle, my legs shake. But he caught me. He held about my waist and my arms went around his neck and he kissed me with everything he had. It was breathless and mystical and surreal, and if it weren't for my need for oxygen, I might never have let him go.

     But eventually I had to.

     And when I did, I opened my eyes and he was gone.