Taking back the Moon

Chapter Thirty-One (R)

A/N: Please - read this at your own risk. I will warn you now that this may be a trigger for some people. This is not meant to be violent for the sake of violence. This is not meant to be a story for the sake of a story. This is real life. This is some peoples' truth. This is my truth. 

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It didn't take much thought. I wanted to keep making out. Maybe I liked to flirt with danger. 

I opened my car door and quickly made my way to the passenger side of his van, opening it, and getting in. 

"Hi," I said awkwardly, like I wasn't there to continue smashing my lips against his. 

"Hi." he said back almost as innocently. 

I know what I wanted in that van. But let me tell you this. I also knew what I didn't want. 

I threw myself at him, landing in between the seats as I kissed him, grabbing at this face, his hair. 

I pulled away, wanting so deeply to feel wanted. Wanting to feel like I wasn't someone else's leftovers. 

"What happens if we go back there?" I asked, referring to the back area where it was more open. 

"Up to you," he said. 

Up to me. The safe phrase. 

I began kissing him again, heavily. 

I pulled back just enough to say, "we don't have to do anything, right?"

He simply closed the space between us. But I wasn't finished with my questioning. 

"We don't have to have sex if I don't want to, right?"

"Shh..." he said as he kissed me again. 

I had my answer. 

I don't remember what I said next. I only remember him saying that he should go back there first. 

Once he was back there, he told me to get back there quick. 

So I did. 

First I sat down. 

Then he laid back. 

So I laid back, if only to see what he was seeing. 

There, right above us as if I could have reached through the glass and plucked it from the sky, was the moon. It wasn't full. 

Almost, but it was bright. The only real light I had to see by. 

I said something. 

He said something. 

I pretended to be offended by something, turning away from him in hopes of being held the way he had said he wanted to hold me.

"No, come here," he said. 

But I wasn't being cuddled. 

Suddenly, I was on my back and he was kissing me. 

Fiercely. Passionately. 

Knocking down my defenses. 

He pulled away and I followed him, hovering over him and kissing him, putting my hand on his chest. 

He grabbed my neck, firmly. 

What should have been a warning wasn't. 

Suddenly, he pushed me down onto my back, using my neck as leverage.