Taking back the Moon

Chapter Forty-Two

Here I am, old friend.

Still here to see you at the beginning of a new year.

See, I remember everything, even four years later.

I remember that I had messaged you about your batman mask and gotten a reply on December 20th.

What comes next is a series of texts, phone calls, skyping, and mistakes that I'll be having in flashbacks for days to come.

For instance, how we almost met at the bar on December 22nd. Or maybe 23rd? That's one of the more murky dates.

The karaoke DJ laid hands on me and I left, angry. Crying. We were texting.

"Oh shit. Do you need me?"

Yes, Alexander, yes I needed you. I needed you not to be the person you were.

We skyped later that night. Not a lot said. You had to leave. You were drinking. Always drinking that damn Shiner Bock.

We had texts and phone calls going back and forth on Christmas Eve. I even got to tell you about how I made a grown man leave Starbucks because he was being an ass to people. I was shaking. Adrenaline.

We continued texting.

At one point that night I cried because you said something and I was too much of a broken female in my first relationship to stand up for myself.

Ready, player one.

We texted all Christmas and then decided to meet that night. Molly's. I lied to everyone about where I was going. Who I was going with.

It was a nice date at first. I was akward. You were handsome. And then later you were handsy.

I thought I wanted you. I cried on the way home, still attached to another man who didn't want me.

December 26th. We texted very little. A nice impression of how you lost interest or got what you wanted. Whatever.

Time went on. I got bored. So then I got bold.

Ready, player two.

I texted you on January 3rd that I was cold. This started a whole new conversation on a game I was playing, and that I thought I was in control of.

January 4th, my friends and I went out. I sent pictures. That was the last picture I took for a long time, where I look back at it and I remember being happy. That was my last "before" picture. Ever.

I don't remember who called who. It was cold. We were flirting. You embarrassed me by saying how you made me come. I was mortified. But you told me it made you so happy. How happy? I'm disturbed to know at this point.

I told you I was having a drink called a Pink Floyd. A guy was next to me, drunk, and started talking to me. "That's good to know," he said.

"Can I help you bro? You good? You look like you've had a little too much to drink. Move along."

You heard all of this.

"Ugh, annoying."

"Probably some boys trying to get some ass."

"It's my turn. I gotta go."

I had to go sing karaoke, you see?

We didn't talk again until your Orthodox Christmas, I believe.

January 6th or 7th. We kept talking.

I had been getting sick, but it had been bad.

January 9th I went to the doctor during my split shift.

January 9th I decided that I'd be calling in on January 10th because I wanted to see if you wanted to meet up.

I'd had a cough. What they call productive, meaning gross sounding.

Right now, nearly 4 years to the day I have that cough again. You could see how that would be bothersome.

Because after you got done with me after midnight on January 10th, I had to go to the hospital. I coughed in front of the police, to which my mom explained I'd been sick.

And all I could think was great, they see a girl who went out of her way to have a date with a guy she claims raped her. Add while sick on top of that.

That night I saw the true horror of unstopped sobbing does to makeup and mascara.

You see, these memories aren't fading with time. Time heals all wounds, right?

Time is weird. When it's not July, or December 20th through January 14th... I remember in flashbacks and I get anxious.

But it's during this time, today being December 20th, that even the time of day can strike me with a memory I hadn't expected.

Because I don't think of these days except for maybe once a year.

And here we are again, Alexander, going on our 4th year of a bond I'd like to break, considering we are both married now and you have a son who I hope is nothing like you when he grows up.

I'm meant to be in my happy ever ending, and I am.

But you're a lurker. Always were. You have the power to pop back into my life at any time and I don't have the power to stop you.

Finish her. Finish him.

Game over.