[1] Not Yours | kth ✓

08 | more beautiful

TO: kim.taehyung
SUBJECT: more beautiful

tae,

i shouldn't be emailing you right now considering i just got back from trick-or-treating with jimin, but i can't help it.

even though we're not on speaking terms, and i'm not exactly sending these emails, i still feel some sense of you when i type, like you're not completely gone. there's a part of me that imagines you reading my words and tears streaming down your face from the sting they give, but you won't ever see these because then you'd know you won.

and i can't let you think that, because you didn't. i still miss you and our time together, but i don't need you anymore. i'm not sure i ever did. i had been naive and thought that i couldn't be happy on my own, but jimin has shown me that i can.

he's made me realize so many things, including the several flaws in our relationship. like the fact i loved you more than you did, or how i hadn't noticed how deceptive you became as your affair with her progressed. how could i when i painted this perfect picture of you and i?

nothing is perfect though. you said so yourself: a rose without thorns isn't a rose at all. it's the thorns that make you beautiful, unique.

i still remember those exact words, and my heart warms. i'm not sure if you had meant any of it, but i love it despite that it came from you, because i realized that all my flaws were what made me who i am, and though no one else saw it, you did.

easily forgiving someone may be one of them, but i can't hold a grudge against you. although i know i don't need you anymore, i'm not completely over you yet.

but when i am, i'm deleting these emails and erasing you from my life, because the rose i become will be more beautiful without you.

dahee

saved as draft
november 1
00:17