[1] Not Yours | kth ✓

24 | back to life

TO: go.dahee
SUBJECT: back to life

dahee,

being alone became the epitome of how i truly saw myself and that scared me. truth is, for the longest time, i didn't love who i was.

love itself had no meaning before i met you. i didn't know what it was, or how it was supposed to feel like. the only things i really knew about it were learned through the books i read or movies i watched. it was something so foreign that i thought i had to be taught how to love, and not just towards others but to myself.

i had been naive to think that all those flings and meaningless sex with numerous women would teach me how. i believed that if they could show me all the things that enticingly pulled them towards me then maybe i could grow an appreciation for those parts of me.

the only thoughts i had were ones to try and better myself in an emotional sense so that i didn't have to be terrified of being alone anymore and so that i could finally love who i was. at least enough so that i could love you.

but i learned the hard way that love isn't like that and turning to those women didn't solve anything. just because you're with someone doesn't mean that they love you, and if they don't then that doesn't teach you how to love yourself.

love isn't something that one can learn. there's no teacher for something so sacred. it's planted in you like a seed, and if nourished properly, it grows.

mine had been dead for so long, but you brought it back to life.

tae

sent
january 6
23:44