Is Beauty In The Eye Of Thee Beholder (BWWM) -Under Major Reconstruction

Chapter 9 - Notes From The Heart

Michelle told Justin to stay home and enjoy his Friday night since she wants to have a day to herself. She pulled out her journal which she writes in from time to time. No one knows about her journal she doesn't like to share her inner fears with the rest of the world. Opening it up and going to back to an old entry before she met Justin

September 7, 2013

Dear Journal,

So today I just decided to stay in the house. For some reason I just feel lonely, I don't like this feeling. Why can't I find somebody to love me for the way I am? I hate being alone and feeling unwanted it's so depressing. I wasn't' even good enough for my ex he ended up leaving me too and wanting more than I can give him. It seems like everybody has somebody except me, like I just want to know what's wrong with me? Am I too petite to have someone or too dark skin to have someone or is it just because I'm too ugly? I don't even talk to my friends about it because they just simply don't understand nobody never does. I get talked about mostly every day. When people I don't even know look at me with plain disgust in their face it's heartbreaking. I try to remember what my mom tells me ,to basically not care what they say but it's not that damn easy! Sometimes I just want to breakdown and cry but I can't do that because it shows they have power over me. I mean if everyone is saying that I'm too black and ugly than it must be true if it isn't why I do feel like the whole world is against me? I pray about it but most times it's the same thing. I just don't understand like am I that nasty that people have to point me out to their friends and laugh in my face? When I walk into a place why do I have to get laughed at, most of my old friends thought I was strong but in reality I'm really not . That's all I feel like sharing today so until next time

-Love Michelle

Thinking back to that time I realize I still feel the same. Justin is only going to be here for the time begin than it's going to be over for us. I'm just going to end it now before I end up being heartbroken like always. I have to write a letter because it's too painful to say it to his face.

October 14, 2013

Dear Justin,

I know you're going to be mad when you get to the end of this letter but everything I'm about to say is for the best. I think we should end this thing we have going on before you start snapping let me explain myself. You can find somebody so much better than me, someone who can give you what you need instead of what you think you need. You don't need me you think you do but you really don't, I'm not good enough for you. So I can find a new math tutor and I don't want to see you after you read this letter , and I'm sorry I'm being a coward but it would be too painful it say it face to face . I want you to be happy and live your life without me I'll be fine.

- Love Michelle

Monday Morning

Justin got to school eager to see Michelle, since she told him to spend his weekend with his friends. Justin got to first period English and was disappointed to see that Michelle didn't come to school today so he was in a bad mood today. Time few by and before he knew it was time for lunch. At lunch Kevin was going on and on about this new girl he wanted. Kevin is a whore so he never takes any girl seriously, but this girl he kept going on and on about so maybe he was serious about her.

"Shit man are you even listening to me" Kevin whined

"Naww, sorry man Michelle didn't come to school today and I didn't talk to her all weekend so I think something is wrong" Justin said with a frown

"Well just go to her house after school" Kevin said annoyed he was kind of jealous of their relationship he wanted to settle down but he couldn't find the right girl until he saw that beautiful girl earlier who wouldn't give him the time of day .

"Okay man see you later I'm about to go home " Justin said as the bell rung for lunch to be over

Justin went to his locker to put his books away when a letter flew out. He picked it up to see Michelle's handwriting on the front of it. He opened the letter and his jaw dropped and eyes watered at the words written on the front of it. He had to reread it to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him , when he realized they weren't he slammed his locker shut with rage causing other people to stare at him. He ran to his motorcycle and drove all the way to Michelle's house to see what was up!

Finally pulling up to her house he noticed that her mother's car was not outside so he got the spare key from under the mat and let his self in. He locked the door behind him and ran up the stairs to Michelle's room. He noticed her on the bed with her headphones in, he picked her up and pushed her gently against the wall then threw her headphones across the room. Michelle just stared shell shocked at how he got into her house,

"What the fuck is this shit?" He yelled in her face with red flushed cheeks and dark raged filled eyes

"Hmm" She whispered

"I said what the fuck is this letter!" He yelled again

"It's exactly what it says we are over even though we were never together in the first place "She said with a blank expression

"Why would you hurt me this, Look me in my eyes and tell me you mean it and I'll be out your life" He shot back because she wouldn't look him in the eyes since he got there

"I CAN'T OKAY!" She yelled right back

"Then why would you feed me this bullshit?" He asked with anger laced in his face

"You can find somebody better than me okay! You can never be happy with me I have too much baggage "She whispered

"Well baby I'm not giving up on you, so can you please just trust me!" He whispered in her ear

Michelle just nodded her head deciding that she will just try her very best to trust him.

"I'm not that man who you think I am, I will never do you wrong intentionally "He whispered

Justin crashed his lips into hers kissing her with so much passion she couldn't think straight. He molded his lips with hers, he gently sucked on her bottom lip before repeating the same process with her top lip, and he swept his tongue against her bottom lip begging for entrance. He sucked her tongue into his mouth, her moans in his ear only encouraged him more. He trailed kisses down his neck gently sucking and biting making his love bite. He made his way back up to her ear and whispered

"Do you trust me baby?"

"Baby answer me, I said do you trust me!" He demanded to know

"Yes baby, I will try" she sad.

To be continued...

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