Five Minutes

Hallelujah

Drying her pathetic tears, she sauntered back into the cottage to the main room, where everyone sat, drinking. "I think I'll have a drink too!" she exclaimed, overly exuberant, looking at Alana, liking she hadn't wasted the last twenty minutes crying. "What have you got?"

"Anything you want," Alana replied.

"I'll have a whiskey straight then," she said, hopping into the empty spot beside Laura. "Did you bring any fun party favours?" She was leaning closely, her voice low, a mischievous smile drawn on her lips.

"Depends," Laura responded, slyly. "How fucked up do you wanna get?"

"I wanna get really fucked up."

Laura had her purse close by her. She unzipped one of the compartments and pulled out a zip lock bag with coke, followed by a smaller ziplock full of weed and a pipe, and a small clear container of coloured pills. "Who else wants to get fucked up?" she asked, holding everything up in her hands like she was offering them candy.

"What type of strain is this?" Declan asked, taking the weed from her.

"Strawberry cough. What else? But I've got this great blueberry strain and 99 Cinderella. Have you ever tried that?"

"You would have a strain called that," Declan teased.

"I think we should all do lines," Veronica suggested.

Laura's eyes brightened. "Fun! Have we ever done lines together? I don't think we have."

"I don't think that's the best idea," Ralston said.

"Don't be such a killjoy, Ralston," Alana fired.

"I'm not doing it."

"What's with the superiority complex?" Veronica asked. He was acting very self-righteous and it was tampering with her attempts to diminish how awful she felt.

"I don't think you should be doing it."

She could hear pleading in his voice, calmly deciding to overlook it. Now that she wanted to enjoy herself, he wouldn't permit it? She glared at him as she sat down on the floor, giving her more access to do the lines right off the table.

Laura was already dividing them up in equal streaks of white against oak with a card.

"This is not a good idea," Ralston said.

"Don't act so holier than thou," Veronica muttered. "It's not like either of us haven't done it before."

"I need to talk to you." He looked like he was struggling to keep his resolve.

"Then you can say it in front of everyone," she challenged.

"You know how low the crash is."

"I know and I don't care."

He stared at her, saying nothing, his mouth tight. Shifting his attention elsewhere, he leaned back in his seat on the couch, wiping the side of his face with his hand, clearly antagonized.

The lines were prepared. Laura took her turn, inhaling sharply, having rolled a bill impeccably. She wiped her nose, then passed it to Veronica.

She made sure to keep eye contact with Ralston as she leaned down, snorting and feeling the powder jump swiftly up into her brain and exploding like fireworks. Everyone thought she was crazy. Shouldn't she embrace it and play the part of the deranged woman?

Soon, Alana had the music blaring and nearly everyone was bouncing in rhythm with the songs.

Veronica partook in downing shots. One, two, three, until she lost count.

"Why aren't you having fun?" Veronica asked Ralston, reaching her hand out to seize his arm. "Want a lap dance?" she offered, when he resisted getting off his seat.

"No," he replied.

"You sure?" she asked.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew. Ralston was being a good person who was looking out for her. The other bitter part refused the help. She was a grown woman. Why would she need him looking after her?

"You are no fun," Veronica said. "Bet Harris would love one." She didn't wait for the reaction.

Harris was one of Declan and Alana's good friends whom Veronica hadn't spoken to much throughout this trip. Now felt like the perfect time to amend that.

She approached him slowly, her body swaying to the music. She pushed forward until she was on his lap, hers hips moving dextrously.  The heat swam through her and broke through her skin, making her remove her shirt.  She turned around, grinding forcefully into Harris' crotch.

He seemed to be enjoyed it, if the hardness was any indication. Years of ballet and dancing had certainly paid off for her tonight.

In the midst of her dancing and losing herself in the music, she fumbled to the ground, using her hands to prevent her face from cracking against the floor.

Ralston was by her aside almost immediately. She fell so hard that her hands hurt.

He helped her out into the kitchen. She could barely walk. How much had she even had to drink?

She tripped over nothing, forcing Ralston to hoist her upward. Eventually though her legs buckled and she was on the floor with her back against the kitchen island.

And she could see Ralston on the brink of crying. And she hated herself for being the cause of it. She hated herself for everything. Why was Ralston even with her? He deserved better. He deserved a woman who wasn't damaged goods.

She knew her makeup was running and her hair was a tangled mess. And she hated cocaine.

"Why are you still with me?" Veronica asked him.

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I'm so fucked up."

"You're not."

"Yes I am. I'm such a huge mess. Why the fuck would you put up with it?" She was the one people online had been insulting, who society resented. It wasn't him, he was inadvertently roped into it.

"You're not, you're not messed up. Why would you think that? Everything that's happened to you, it's because if Daniel. None of it is because of you." Wait, had they had this conversation? It was a pattern now, wasn't it? Her thinking she was worthless, him convincing her those thoughts were outlandish. Another valid reason for him to leave. Who needed that baggage in their lives? Wasn't she holding him back with her standoffishness and her omissions and her drastic lack of enthusiasm towards anything?

"I want to go home. I don't want to be here. Please take me home," she said, her voice hoarse and her throat dry.

"Okay. We'll go home." He gave a faint nod in understanding.

She wanted to go home. She wanted to feel safe. She had to get away from all of this. She thought she could run away but she couldn't and now she didn't know what to do.