Five Minutes

Have A Little Faith In Me

"I still have no idea how to use this fucking thing. I tried, okay? They should make it way easier."

Sallie had recently thought it a great idea to buy those instant cookers. Alas, she was far from being an exemplary cook. Her culinary skills were subpar at best and she burnt the chicken recipe she hoped to ace.

"Do what I do and buy store made stuff. It's a quarter of the work and tastes just as good."

"Cooking is supposed to be an instinct. It's as primitive as... some other primitive thing. If I can't cook, will I ever amount to anything?"

"If there was a contest for the worst cook alive, you'd win that."

"I doubt it," Sallie said, throwing all the food she over cooked into the compost.

"I can give it a go," Veronica suggested. "I'll make mac and cheese."

"I was in the mood for something fancy. Like chicken risotto."  Sallie placed the contents of the pot into the sink to clean them out, then sat down at the kitchen table. "I can't cook for shit. Now you know."

"It's okay, I still love you," Veronica said, grinning, but the smile waned fast. "I know I might have freaked you out with my text last night. I'm sorry about that."

"You sounded pretty weird..."

"I know," Veronica said. At this point she was avoiding eye contact, which likely did rise the awkwardness again. "All this shit with Daniel... it's been getting out of hand. You probably saw all the Tweets Ralston made about him."

"I think anyone who follows either of them saw it."

"Right, um... he... went off on Daniel for more than just lying," she said, pausing without really meaning to. The point of no return was met. "Daniel's done worse than that."

"Did he hurt you?" Sallie asked.

"What?" Veronica said, astonished. "Why-how... how did you know?" She stumbled over the words nervously.

"I don't know. I don't know what went on but there has to be a reason why he'd just tell everyone a bunch of dumb stories about you that I can attest aren't true. I've seen guys do that to my girlfriends, once with me. They're forceful and aggressive and the second a woman turns them down, they resort to damage control that makes the woman look stupid.

"And the day we came back you were acting really different, but you didn't want to talk about it. The night of the wrap party - something happened. I didn't know what at the time but then..."

"You knew this entire time?" Veronica asked, surprised.

"I won't tell anyone. I haven't."

"I didn't think you did." She trusted Sallie to keep quiet, at least about this in particular. "It's just... it's weird. I think of everything before that and it seems like I was living another person's life. These few months have felt like this... out of body experience. You know how you sometimes get that feeling? Like you're dreaming? You know you're awake but you're not a hundred percent there?"

"Yeah."

"That's how I feel all the time. I can't immerse myself anything, I can't connect with anything. I'm not sure if I can go back."

"You never know," Sallie said. "People might never recover from a traumatic event but there's ways to moved passed it. There's no reason why Daniel gets to be happy and live his life while you sit here and wallow."

This was something Veronica thought about frequently. Hearing it from Sallie's lips was only a small form of validation, though it did decrease some of her distress.

"I don't care anymore," she stated, an obvious lie. If she didn't care she wouldn't have deleted her Twitter. Those words were nothing but proof of her insecurities. "People are set in their ways."

"That shouldn't discourage you. You were abused by someone in power. You should share your story. I don't mean now... when you're ready. Whether it's now or a few years from now. Don't you think you deserve that closure?

At the level she was going, she concluded that time wouldn't arrive at all. She was tired of dealing with people and watching people - strangers - slandering her existence like they knew her way more than on a superficial level.

_________

She thought heavily about it. About Sallie's words. She did deserve closure. Peace of mind. Something. Getting the word out, the truth about Daniel Sanders, was a piece she'd bask in.

"Is this really what you want?" Ralston asked. They were both sitting crossed legged on the bed facing each other.

"I think it'll help me. I know I can talk to you but I want to be able to connect... with people who've gone through the same thing."

It wasn't her telling the entire world her secret, but joining a group who'd understand what she went through firsthand would make her feel less isolated. That needed to mean something. That meant she wasn't giving up just yet.