The Cades | The Outsiders

Chapter Thirteen

Me, Soda and Darry were sitting on the curb in the lot.

"So Dar, have you heard anything?" I asked, biting my nail. He looked up at me, processed what I just asked him about and shook his head in reply.

I sighed, leaning back into Soda's chest, and watched as he twirled a piece of my hair around his finger, humming a little tune.

"I wish I could leave Tulsa for a while, just to escape all the drama." I said to nobody in particular, fiddling with the hem of my t-shirt. Soda poked me on the cheek, and chuckled.

"You're always talking about escapin', aren't you? Always thinkin' about it...always dreamin' about it." he said, his voice trailing off. I nodded my head.

Darry got up and left us there, for some unknown reason, but if it was anything important he'll tell us eventually.

"Soda?" I asked.

"Yeah?" he mumbled. I hesitated for a moment, and he nudged for me to continue.

"What do you see...when you look at me?" I asked the dreaded question. My whole life I've been told by my parents I'm useless and ugly. And when we were still in school everyone always messed with me, and called me a baby when one of the guys would stick up for me. I don't like knowing what people think of me, because I'm not very good at making good lasting impressions on them.

"I see...my future wife." he started, and my breath hitched in my throat. I thought about what Dally told me the other day.

"I also see our children. I see you making somethin' of yourself. " he said.

"Don't you see you making something of yourself?" I asked, looking up at him.

He furrowed his eyebrows in a hurt expression. "I'm stupid." he muttered.

"No you're not Soda.." I said softly. He nodded slowly.

"Yeah I am. I dropped out of school because I'm stupid Jess, not because of all that drama. I can barely read, I can't spell that good, and the only thing I'm good at is fixin' cars. I can't never make somethin' of myself because I'm stupid, not smart like Pony or Darry." he continued, his voice cracking. He looked as if he were about to cry, and I just stared at him, wondering why he never told me this. Maybe he was embarrassed, ashamed... But he had no reason to be.

Now I noticed that he was in fact crying, but silently. He rarely ever cries but when he does it's the saddest thing ever.

"Why are you cryin' Sodapop?" I asked, trying to keep my voice soft.

"Because. Because I'm afraid that one day you'll see me like I see myself: stupid and sad."

I shook my head at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. I leaned forward and put my forehead against his. His breaths were coming out in shaky gasps. I've never seen him this vulnerable. He could break at any moment. I'm the only real person that knows what he goes through, nobody else expects him to have any problems. He'd never let Steve or Two-Bit or Dally see him cry, it would ruin his rep. But I'm glad I'm the one that gets to see the real Soda. I'm glad it's me that he can talk to about his problems.

Because even though we go through different things: like my parents being abusive and him thinking he's not smart like his brothers, we're perfect for each other. And right now I couldn't care less if he were to ask me to marry him. Because I already know my answer, I've known it since the moment I fell in love with him.

"Now come on, we should go find Darry and the rest of the gang before they think we eloped to Mexico." Soda joked, wiping his eyes, and I laughed.