Road Runners

CHAPTER 4: Alexis: Weakness

I used to profess,

 now I’m more pro-wonder,

I used to fear death,

Now I’m set to go under.

I didn’t deserve to be comforted, I deserved to suffer, I wanted the raw shame, failure and guilt to rip me apart, I had caused the deaths of all those children, and their blood is on my hands.

Sebastian held me close, he carried me, his chest rising and falling steadily. “Say something” I whispered. I felt him tense against me. “Alexandra… Don’t”.

This was bad, he had only ever called me Alexandra when I had really messed up, but this was way worse, this Sebastian was cold and bleak, this Sebastian made me miss the angry Sebastian, he blamed me and I deserved it.

I felt boiling hot but also so very cold, I wanted to run, run fast, run from the pain, from the trouble, the terror and all the heart ache, from the world and all its woe’s, run and keep on running, run from all the emotions that made me weak, run from all the judgment, run and never look back.

 But for now we just walked, walked and didn’t look back at the group of children who decided to follow us, as if we had any idea where we were going, but we walked any way, into the night.