Bed Partners

Headache

Qing's Tape 5, Side B

Dra.Yen: You look...worn out. What happened?

Qing: I lost him.

Dra.Yen: Who? Dayu? Why? I thought things are going well?

Qing: He learned my ambition to be a President of this country. He learned one part of the reason why I am marrying Kim.

Dra.Yen: Did you explain it well to him? Maybe he was confused and he didn't understand.

Qing: Dayu is pretty smart. That is one of the things I like about him. He can read my words well and sometimes he is the one who baffles me and left me confuse. But not this time, he said he is not sure if he can be with me if I have this huge ambition ahead of me. He doesn't think he can take it.

Dra.Yen: Qing...

Qing: (sounding frustrated) And I think I said something that made things worse. I hate my mind. Why is it too logical and won't think of people's feelings before it speaks out? And then when I finally realize my mistake, Dayu had left my office. I let him go.

Dra.Yen: (sounding stupid) Qing. Stop...

Qing: I am stupid. Who said I am smart? I feel like a total loser right now. I can't breathe.

Dra.Yen: Wang Qing! Stop thinking too much! Stop it now! Breathe...please. Calm down.

Qing: (breathing deeply a few times) I don't want to lose Dayu. Not like this...

Dra.Yen: That is why I told you, maybe you should rethink of that dream.

Qing: Then what should I do? My everyday life barely challenge me. That only thing that kept me from thinking too much is my goal to have a political career and Dayu. All my hard work of getting connections to run for a seat in Parliament will be wasted once I abandoned my political dream. What should I do then?

Dra.Yen: I don't...I cannot decide for you. But now that you know that Dayu cannot take your dream? What should you do?

Qing: Maybe he is not meant for me. Maybe this is for the better. Us separating...

Dra.Yen: (sighing) Are you sure? Will you be really okay? Qing, you look tired. Have you been sleeping?

Qing: Not recently. Dayu is dating someone else. I learned from Maman, my stepmother.

Dra.Yen: Are you...scared that he will sleep with someone else?

Qing: (sounding scared) He won't...right? Not right away. We just decided to separate eight days days ago. Granted, he dated someone else after just four days of leaving me but still, he will not sleep with someone else that quickly, right? Dating and sex are two different matters after all. Dating is easy. Sex is not. Dayu and I have our connection to each other but still, sex is not easy for us. He will not go and have sex with someone else, right?

Dra.Yen: I don't know. I haven't met Dayu yet? I don't know him.

Qing: (stressed) Fuck!

Dra.Yen: Qing...you have to do something. You cannot go on like this. Agitated and not sleeping. I like seeing you with emotions but not this type of emotion. You are stressed.

Qing: Dayu is dating someone else, of course I am stressed! And I can't seem to say the right things when I am with him. It's like I keep digging a hole deeper just to bury myself on it. I hate myself.