Bed Partners

It's Time

(QING)

I went to my psychologist.

My first question is...

"Do you know Dayu?"

Dra.Yen looked at me, then she sighed. "Yes." It's clear in her face that she didn't want to tell me that she knew Dayu but we made a pact a long time ago. That first year that I came to her for sessions after hurting myself.

We promised to be honest to each other. And after ten long years of relationship, we can fairly tell if the other one is lying or not.

I have a deep story with this woman. She knew me since I was fifteen. She guided me into being at least a better friend and son and grandson. Together, we experimented to see what methods I can use to function as a person outside of my own home or this doctor's office.

She taught me that saying blunt frank and honest things then laughing afterwards can lighten up any mood. That smiling a little even if I feel silly while smiling can go a long way. She taught me not to take myself too seriously. That is hard but eventually, I did it. I see my funny and silly sides. Although not that often.

This woman. She knew me. She can even say that she helped raised me to who I am today.

A successful business consultant with my own firm. Millions on my accounts. Expensive cars. With an ability to get what I want. Anything that I want.

Except my memory back.

So I am not surprised that she knew Dayu. I must have said something about him to her.

That is why I am afraid to ask the next question. "How much do I love him?"

Dra.Yen gave me a kind look and a small smile. "He is your miracle, Qing. Using the term "love" will be an under statement for what you feel for Dayu."

Shit.

"And do you know what he feels about me?" I continued to ask even though each answer is bringing more problem to me.

"Dayu spent six months taking care of you in the hospital while you are in a coma. He was there, every single day. Washing you, exercising you, watching over you, monitoring the nurses while they administered your medicines. He massaged lotion and oil on your body. Changed your clothes. He slept there, lived there, he devoted half a year of his life for you." Dra.Yen leaned on her desk to regard me intently, "Tell me Qing, after hearing that, how much does Dayu love you?"

I close my eyes in despair. "Damn it,"

"What is the problem?" Dra.Yen asked in her serious tone. That tone she used to tell me that she will not take any bullshits from me. No sass. No wiseass remarks. No bullshits.

"I don't feel like Dayu is my miracle," I gave it to her straight.

Dra.Yen frowned, she opened the cabinet under her table and did something before closing it again and looking at me. "What do you feel about Dayu then?"

I winced, "Like what I feel for Pete and Ato. Dayu is a friend."

"I see," Dra.Yen nodded and scribbled something on her notepad. "And are you forcing yourself to remember him?" She asked casually.

My mouth slackly opened, "How did you know..."

"Because I know you," she gave me a disapproving glance, "And if I am not mistaken, forcing yourself to remember is not one of the advices your neuro logist gave to you. Am I right?"

I sighed defeatedly, "Yes."

"Then why do it? Wang Qing, what are you doing? Are you really sabotaging yourself like this? You know you hate when people force you to do things, why do it to yourself?" Dra.Yen is now nagging.