Bed Partners

Optimistic

(QING)

When I got home from a dinner meeting with a client, Dayu was gone.

The condo is quiet. No music coming from the kitchen. No one is cooking. Or walking around in little or close to nothing clothes.

No one welcomed me with a smile.

The condo is quiet. Like someone died on it.

I put down my file case and went to the kitchen to drink some water. I stopped when I saw Dayu's beers and food containers still there. There was a post it note attached on one of the container and I took it to read what Dayu wrote on it.

"Eat them or throw them away, it's up to you..."

It's up to me. I see...

I close the fridge and walked towards Dayu's room. I opened it and switch on the light. The room is clean. It's not empty but now no one will occupy it.

The room is so clean it's like Dayu never came in here to watch his porn videos to get himself to sleep or movies he missed while taking care of me while drinking sodas and munching on potato chips.

I closed the lights and shut the door again. I sighed and walked to my own room.

There, on the side table, I saw another post it note. I read what it said.

"Sorry, I didn't get to wait for you. Be well and see you around, Wang Qing."

I sat on the edge of my bed and regard the note. After a few seconds of memorizing the words written on it and the neat way Dayu had wrote it, I opened the drawer and slip the note inside before closing the drawer again.

I stood up and walk around. I took a change of clothes from the cabinet and went to the bathroom to wash the day away and to change my clothes. I brush my teeth, floss it, gurgle mouthwash, wash my face, pat a towel to dry it.

Doing everything almost mechanically. I am putting all efforts not to think. Just moving without any concious lingering thoughts.

I want to rest my mind that hasn't seen a moment of rest ever since I found out about Dayu being my miracle.

I cleaned up while ignoring the fact that my things are once again arranged neatly on the tiled sink counter. Only my things. Just my things.

I went out of the bathroom. Slipped on the bed and lay down on it. I close my eyes. Willing myself to relax.

This is for the better. This is what it should be. I am used to being alone. I am okay with this.

There no need to feel abandoned. I was not abandoned. I wished for this. For Dayu to move on.

We have to move on. Life should go on. Especially for Dayu. He is a good person. He deserves better.

And this is for the best.

I am sad, I know I am sad. For this situation I found myself into. I really want to avoid hurting anyone. But my circumstances makes me hurt people without me meaning to hurt them.

I am sad. But I am not crying. My alexithymia stopped me from feeling too much sadness and cry.

                   ...........................

(DAYU)

I cried myself to sleep last night. And Mama was there to comfort me.

Instead of going home to my own condo, I went straight to my parents' mansion after leaving Qing's condo. One look on my face and Mama hugged me tight.