Hyacinths & Biscuits

I live.

Today, I had an epiphany.
But it took my body shaking while I sobbed
And a total of 96 pills in my hand for me to realize.
As my best friend texted me.
And my former best friends texted me.
As the whole world spoke to me.
As the voice in my head urged me to just do it because this time I had the number right, I realized that I deserve to live.
Today is November 30th. 2017. It is 1:36 pm. I should be in school but today I stayed home.
Today I got a message.
Today my friend told me that my former best friends aren't telling me the truth. That they aren't telling me how they really see me.
And in that moment it was final.
I shook hands with death and said "I'll see you soon, sweet prince."
Today I confronted them.
Today, they didn't apologize or even try and say they're still my friends.
So today I counted pills.
1, 2, 3, 4 all the way to 96.
Today I stared at them.
Today the voice inside screamed
Today it roared
Today it was louder than the voice telling me to stop.
But then; today I heard a bird.
Today I heard a bird singing a beautiful song. A happy song.
A song that told me this
"Today, you deserve to live. "
Today, I deserve to live.
I am 17, soon to be 18. Soon to be 90.
I am 5'3, bound to be that height forever but bound to reach higher things.
Today, I deserve to live and see what tomorrow brings.
Tomorrow will be December 1st. Coincidentally, my mothers birthday.
Tomorrow, I will still deserve to live.