Nancy didn't talk to me for a good portion of the ride home. The silence was killing me, so I broke it. "Are you mad?" I said, instantly regretting my choice of words when she gave me a glare.
"Why would I be mad? You left me to work the photo booth by myself, you got piss ass drunk, and you were with Steve of all people." She kept her focus on the road as she talked.
I sighed, trying to think through what to say next. "I'm sorry. That wasn't fair of me." I reached for her hand that was rested on the space next to me. She didn't move it away, so that was a good sign. Then a thought popped into my head. "Wait, how is Dustin getting home?"
"I asked your mom to give him a ride, so you'll have something to discuss with her." She paused and I could tell she was irritated. " I just don't get it. You got drunk with Steve. I thought you hated him." She glanced at me for a second, then looked back to the road.
That was before we kissed, I thought to myself, not daring to ever say that out loud. I managed to come up with a lie, "It was cold and I didn't want to be rude." I sighed, realizing that I had to think about what happened in my own space. " Can we just drop it for now?"
She nodded, not saying a word. I guess she didn't have much to say at this point.
After Nancy dropped me off, I went to bed before my mom came home and had the chance to yell at me. I dreaded seeing Steve again, unsure of what the kiss meant. Maybe it didn't mean anything. It was just a drunken kiss, I reassured myself.
The next morning, I woke up with a massive hangover. My head felt like it was going to explode and I felt sick to my stomache. I took some medicine to help with the nausea, but other than that I had to suffer through the hangover. By noon I felt better and I gathered myself to go to the store to get some milk for the house.
At the store, I saw Steve buying aspirin. "Fucking hell," I said, louder than I intended to causing him to notice me.
"Byers?" He asked, confusion evident on his face. I knew I had to face him eventually, so why not get it over with?
I walked over to the isle he was in, and mumbled a "hey," not making eye contact. I gestured to the gallon of milk in my hand to explain why I was here.
He looked at the milk and nodded, shifting his weight to a different foot. "So, uh, about last night," he paused. He seemed nervous almost, or maybe timid. I waited for him to continue, not trying to make it obvious how badly I wanted to hear what he had to say. "I'm sorry for, uh, you know. I know you're with Nancy and you're happy. Really, I was just a drunk mess and I wanted to say I'm sorry."
I looked up, surprised that he had actually apologized to me. Never in my life had I known Steve to be apologetic. "It's okay." I said reluctantly. The truth was, it wasn't. It wasn't okay because now I have all of these unwanted feelings for a guy. "Glad to know it didn't mean anything." There was bitterness laced in my voice, and I could tell from the look on his face that he felt bad. I walked past him, having nothing else to say to him. I paid for the milk and left.
Later that night, I was working on my history homework when I heard a knock at my front door. Will was at Mike's house and my mom was on a date with Hopper, so I was home alone.
Before opening the door, I checked to see who it was. To my surprise, it was Steve. He knocked again. The pace of his knocks made it sound like it was urgent. I opened the door and asked, "What do you want?"
He walked in, not asking for permission first, and said, "I can't stop thinking about last night. I thought I could just brush it off like I do with most things, but it keeps coming back to me. God, I can't fucking stand going another minute lying to myself!" I shut the door, taking in everything he had just said. There was distress in his voice, paining me to hear him so upset.
" You hate me," I stated, trying to find any excuse to counterclaim against what he'd just said.
He ran his hands through his hair as he paced in front of me. "You think I hate you?! I hate myself for being attracted to you! I hated the thought of liking a guy, but I can't..." he paused, on the verge of tears. "I can't keep up the act. Yes, I was drunk last night, but I was sober enough to know what was going through my mind."
I knew he wasn't lying. The tears in his eyes and the pain in his voice showed how much he'd been beating himself up. Hell, I have too. But I couldn't let my walls down just yet. "This is wrong." I gave no explanation as to why because it was a huge lie. Nothing about this felt wrong.
He shook his head, walking towards me. He grabbed my hand, bringing our hands up so I can see them without looking down. "This feels right. I know you feel what I feel, Jonathan. Please...just please say it out loud."
I sighed, looking down because I couldn't look him in the eye and lie. A million thoughts were running through my head telling me to push him away, to let your walls down, to give in. So I did. I looked back at him and nodded. It was more than I could put into words, and I knew he understood clearly.
He grabbed my neck, gently leaning my head forward to kiss him. Once our lips connected, I felt a warmth in my heart. Something I hadn't felt with Nancy or anyone else. This was right.
*NOT EDITED*
HEY! Sorry for never posting updates. I've been going through a lot with coming out to my family and them not taking it well and school. It's been stressful, but I hope to be writing more and get inspiration more often. I hope you guys enjoyed chapter two!!
-Em💖
