You Will Be Found || dear evan hansen (connor x evan)

chapter fourteen

     Heidi rushed to Evan's side, coddling him in her arms. She let out a sigh of relief as she felt his warming skin brush against her own.

     "I'm sorry," the boy croaked. Connor shifted in his seat, feeling out of place and out of mind.

     "It's okay honey... you're okay now. Don't you ever do that to me again," she cried, letting go. He sat up slightly, then looked to Connor. Connor just looked down at his hands uncomfortably. He was angry. So, so angry that someone as beautiful as Evan could ever do something so horrible to the body and mind that made him that way. He wanted to pick up the pieces every time Evan broke, but whenever he does something inside of him breaks and he doesn't know how to fix it.

     "Where am I?" Evan spoke; his first sentence in days.

     "The hospital. You're on the list for a new liver," Heidi said quietly. She looked to Connor, who just looked away. 

     "A new... what? We can't-no. I've already created so many problems how are we going to pay for this? I just wanted it to stop but all I do is make it worse-"

     "You aren't making it worse Evan, Connor-"

     "Heidi," Connor whispered, cutting them both off. "Can... can I have a minute with him?" Heidi nodded slowly, getting up to leave. As the door shut, the room silenced. There were too many things to be said and not enough ways to say them.

     "I'm sorry Connor. I shouldn't have done it," Evan sniffed, breaking the silence between them. "I was just... so alone. And I heard my mom in the other room sleeping and I was thinking about my medical bills and my college and all of the things I've asked for and I didn't want to inconvenience her anymore and then I thought about you, and what you'd want me to do and I just... I'm sorry."

     "I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at myself. I'm mad for knowing you were going through a tough time and for not doing anything about it. I'm mad for not picking up my fucking phone and for not being upfront about everything I felt and... I'm mad I wasn't enough for you."

     "You are enough for me, Connor. I just, didn't think you wanted me."

     "I'll always want you. I want everything about you. I don't know what I would've done if you would've died... I was so scared I couldn't save you," Connor said, wiping a tear from his face. "I offered to pay your medical bills." 

     "No. Connor, no. You aren't paying. I'm so sick of being an inconvenience to people you can't- no. I won't let you," he panicked, closing his eyes in attempt to calm himself down. 

     "Heidi can't pay. I care about you, Evan," he spoke, taking Evan's hand. "You're all I have. I want to pay. I really do."

     He watched the expression on Evan's face change from panicked to despondent. Connor held him in his arms and ran his fingers through Evan's hair as he sobbed, kissing the top of his head and feeling the boy beneath him breaking. But this time, he didn't let go.