Personal Experience

Chapter Six

*Colleen's P.O.V.*

After I storm inside the house, I go straight to my bedroom. I have a few more blades in there that Harry has yet to find, and this time I'm going to make sure to hide them really well.

As I go through my drawers I hear familiar footsteps and a thick Irish accent yelling my name. Why is he the one following me?! Why did anyone have to follow me?! He better not know anything!

"Colleen?" he whispers against the door. "Lottie?" I haven’t heard that name in a long time. He's the only one who calls me by it, and the last time I heard it was when I broke my leg a couple years ago, and all he did was comfort me because I couldn't study martial arts anymore or gymnastics, for that matter. "Lottie, please let me in," his tone as soft as you could think. There has always been something about his voice that soothes me. Andrea stops freaking out over things as soon as she hears that voice.

"No, Ni! Please just leave me alone," I cry, "Go away." I have the razor above my arm. My head is telling me, I don't want him to come in, but my heart is screaming, let him in! Niall is truly my best friend in the world; he knows almost everything about me. But I can’t let him see me like this; broken and beaten up. When Andrea and Niall started dating I thought I would lose my best friend, but I never did. Even with Andrea questioning our friendship all the time.

"I'm not leaving you, Princess," he sighs.

"Niall," I plead, "Please."

He doesn't respond right away, "I’ll tell you what, I'll come in and be quiet. I won't say a word. You can stay quiet all you want, but I don't want you to hurt yourself. I will listen if you want or need to talk. Sound good, yea?"

Sometimes I really hate how sweet Niall is. His soul is practically perfect; all he's ever done for me is made me laugh and smile. He would go out of his way to make sure the people around him are happy. I stand up, unlock the door, slowly open it and let Niall in. "Hi," he smiles.

"Hi," I don't look at him.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing," I keep my razor behind my back.

"Are ya sure?"

"I thought you said you weren't going to speak?" I say a little angered.

"Okay. Okay, my bad. I'll shut up now. But do you want to talk about it?" he's always been bad at staying quiet.

"Talk about what?!" I nearly yell. "Did Andrea tell you?!"

"Hey now, Andrea didn't say a thing, Love... I knew something was up the moment she joined me on tour. She told me it was nothing, and I hesitantly believed her. When we got here the other day, and I gave you a piggyback ride to Harry, I saw the marks on your arms, and later that night, when we were watching the movies, I noticed how different you were towards Harry. After everyone went to bed, I couldn't sleep, and I overheard you and Harry talking."

"So you just thought it’s okay to listen in on my personal conversations?! To eavesdrop?! Who the hell do you think you are Niall Horan?!" I feel the anger rising, and the tears beginning to fall down my face.

"Lottie, I didn’t hear everything. I still don't know what's going on," Niall tries to touch my face, but I slide back even more angered. "See, that's what I'm talking about! And last night I heard Harry ask you if he could kiss you. He never had to ask you. Is he blaming himself for something?" I don't respond letting the tears fall from my eyes. "I've made a few conclusions about what's going through your head and what happened, and I hope to God I'm fucking wrong, or I'm going to beat the shit out of the fucker who hurt you," Niall concludes through clenched teeth. I lose it after that. I fall to the floor crying harder than ever. My razor falls next to me; my blood falling to the ground since I started to squeeze it. “Oh God. Oh God, no!” was the only thing I could hear from Niall. He wraps his arms around me in a bone crushing hug, and tears falling from his eyes. “How could you?” he asks terrified.

“Because I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to bother you guys on tour; I only told the girls because they started questioning me when I barely worked.”

“You should have called us. Any of us,” Niall pulls away from me, “We all would have stopped the tour if it meant your safety. You’re family, and that’s way more important than anything in the world.”

“What about your fans?” I look into his tear filled eyes.

“They would understand. They would have to,” he pushes my hair out of my face. “How fresh are these?” Niall gently runs his thumb over my arms.

“A week,” my tears fall, “When Haz and I planned on meeting I forgot about doing it. My mind was only focused on Harry. But that night we started watching Law and Order, and I lost it. I don’t know why I put it on. I could have chosen anything else,” I take a breath, “Maybe it’s because I just want to cry all the time…”

“You shouldn’t want that,” he coos to me, “I’m just glad none of these are so deep you need stitches.”

“Colleen?!” we perk up hearing Harry’s voice. “Colleen, where are you?!”

“We’re in here, Haz,” yells Niall.

“Oh, thank God!” he says stopping in the doorway. “Wait, what’s red on the ground.” I lift my hand. “Your hand?”

“I started to squeeze my razor when Niall and I started yelling at each other.”

“Give it here,” Harry demands softly. Niall snatches it up before I can even move my hands. “Are there anymore.” I glance at my bedside table. Harry steps over the sleeping bags, taking the few razors I have from the drawer, and then flushes them down the toilet. “If I find any more I’m getting rid of them right away, okay?” I nod my head. "Do you mind giving us a minute, Niall?"

"'Course not. Just keep it..." Niall's eyes widen, "Fuck! I'm so sorry, Colleen! I didn't..."

I cut him off, "You guys need to stop apologizing after every joke. I've known you guys long enough to know how dirty your minds are."

Niall laughs, "Clever girl." He pulls me into another hug and whispers, "No more secrets, no more razors, and no more tears," he kisses the top of my head. "I'm always here for you, Lottie. Don't you ever forget that?"

"I won't, and thank you Niall. For everything."

"You're welcome, Princess. I love you."

"I love you too. And Niall, clean the ice cream off your shirt."

"Oh yea," he laughs. "I'll leave you and Harry to talk." Niall let's go of me, smiling at Harry before he kisses my forehead once more.

"Mate, you might want to talk to Andrea privately," Harry speaks up running his hand through his hair.

Niall frowned, "What happened?" getting defensive of her.

"Well... I accused her of telling you everything, 'How do I know you haven't been pouring your heart out to him about this?' were my exact words."

"What?!" Niall and I yell at the same time.

"Harry," I say, "Andrea wouldn't have said anything. Andrea and food isn’t the only thing that can catch Niall's attention. He figured it out himself; it was the only thing she ever kept from him." I walk over towards Harry and caress his face.

"Well, first off, she is my girlfriend. I expect her to 'pour her heart out' to me," he jokes. "I'll leave you two to it then and go check on Andrea."

"Niall, I know you and Andrea have a no secret policy, but please don't be mad at her for keeping this one from you. I asked her not to tell you; made her promise not to. It wasn't easy for her. I had to stop her multiple times from not telling you. I trusted her not to. "

"'Course I won't get mad at her. That's kind of asking the impossible," he chuckles. "Anyways, sort out whatever needs to be. Then we'll take it from there." Niall nods at Harry then winks at me as he leaves my bedroom closing the door behind him. As he walks down the hall we can hear him singing loudly, "Maybe it's the way she walked! Ow! Straight into my heart and stole it. Through the doors and past the guard, ow! Just like she already owned it!" Harry and I smile at each other saying simultaneously, "Only Niall," and then kiss.

One of my favorite chapters! The emotions, the love! Niall and Colleen's friendship! Vote, please?!