broken

butterfly

i'm not sure if i wanted to leave the hospital bed or not. 

a part of me wanted me to leave because i can be home and do whatever i like with my body without a nurse entering every two minutes to check on me as if i had some kind of a heart problem. i think my parents told them to keep an eye on me.

why? i have no idea. i think they're sick of me now. they don't want to spend money every now and then for their daughter to be at a hospital, now do they? we're not rich but w'e're not poor either. we're not middle class too. we're a tad bit higher. my parents were lawyers so yeah, we had money. guess they just didn't want to spend it on me.

the other part of me though wanted to stay. there was no one really bugging me like the people from school and that caused me to hate myself a little bit less. i always wondered why they'd go tell people they're ugly. it's not like they're models. but i'm not a model matterial either so they aren't doing anything but stating the truth.

another reason i wanted to stay, though, was a reason that i would never let myself admit to anyone except myself. it was Isaac.

even though i hadn't seen him since yesterday when he came and watered the flowers, that didn't mean he wasn't consuming my thoughts. in fact, he was the main reason why i wasn't thinking of harmful thoughts that much.

the words he told me the other night was also taking a huge part of my cloud. 

"Whatever it is, it's not worth it" 

the words kept repeating in my head as i try to analyse them. was he talking about my scars? cause all i know is that they were worth every drop of blood that fell.

and why did he care?

did he really care or was he just doing his job?

what is even his job? is he a nurse?

i wasn't certain. but what i was certain of was that whenever i thought of him possibly caring for me, a smile that would rarely show would be placed on my lips.

the room door was suddenly open and from it entered the person that was consuming my thoughts.

Isaac.

"is there a reason behind that beautiful smile?" he sent me a grin as he went like yesterday to the window sill. he opened the curtains and, unlike yesterday, he opened the window with them.

i didn't answer him but kept the smile on my face. he turned around and looked at me. he pointed at the now opened window, "hope you don't mind" i shook my head and he turned around to complete the duty of replacing the water. 

when he was at the bathroom filling the glass of water though, something entered the room so gracefully from the window.

a butterfly.

i watched as the butterfly flew slowly, one wing moving in sync with the other one. both wings filled with the colour blue but brown by the edges.

the beautiful creature then landed on the plate of food that i was eating before my thoughts driffted.

i watched the butterfly with envious eyes. why can't i be as beautiful as a butterfly? would i ever grow from an ugly worm to a beautiful butterfly like this?

and didn't people say that the human soul be at an animal's body after their death? will mine be in a butterfly's body? 

i scoffed at my own thoughts. i'd probably just be stuck as a worm and never be a butterfly with my ugly ass.

Isaac came out of the bathroom and placed the cup in it's normal place. he put the yellow flowers in it but before he'd turn around, he touched the petals of it and shook his head. he turned to me, "they're dying soon" he gave me a sad smile. he was about to walk fast when i stopped him.

"Stop! you're scaring the butterfly" i whispered at him.

he didn't get what i meant at first but when his eyes searched the room, he knew what i was talking about.

he grabbed an empty cup from next to him (it was a cup of water i drank a while ago) and before i can ask him what he was doing, he trapped the poor butterfly between the transparent glass and the wooden tray.

he then slid the cup to the end of the tray, brought a plate near it. once the cup slid of the tray it was trapped by the plate instead.

he then walked to the bed, the trapped butterfly still in his hands. he looked at the bed as if debating whether or not he should sit but when i moved a liittle he took it as a 'go on' and sat on the bed.

he folded his left leg beneath him and reached the glass with a butterfly to me. which i took willingly.

he slowly and with a lot of concentration removed the plate from the top of the glass and under my hand.

the butterfly kept flying a little bit tickling the palm of my hand but i didn't mind and instead focused on the nice peice of man before me.

"so Abigail" Isaac started. "what do you do in your life?"

i wasn't sure how to answer him. but what i was sure NOT to say was 'oh nothing, just drwaing patterns by a blade on my skin.' that was a no-no.

so instead, i shrugged and told him "a boring senior year in highschool where people crush people beneath their shoes"

he nodded, slightly amused by the new information. "senior huh?" i nodded my head and asked "you?"

"first year at medical school" well that wasn't the answer i was expecting. i wasn't sure what i expected but.. i don't know.

"then what are you doing here?" the question slipped before i could function.

but before i can take it back, he answered in a whisper and looked around suspiciously "Mum knows the founder of the hospital so i'm on my internship"

i nodded at him. "why are you whispering?" i whispered.

"i don't know" he whispered back with a chuckle and oh god, that chuckle.

we stayed in silence for a while with the butterfly tickling me the slightest bit. my hand was uncontrollable as it was removed from the lip of the glass. the butterfly flew from the cup and went out of the window as fast as it can as if taking the chance to flee from me. and that caused me to let out a sound that i never heard myself do; a giggle.

suddenly, Isaac's gaze drifted from the escaping insect to my face. i could feel my face burn red at the embarrassment. embarrassment of what exactly, i didn't know.

we kept looking at each other's eyes, admiring their depth from a small proximity until he snapped. he pulled away and stood up. "I'm just going to... go" he looked everywhere but me. "Bye, Abs"

he went out but my heart was still going in a fast pace. 

what was just happening?

omg update yes i updated three stories in a day wah that's awesome.

please tell me what you think below! it would really mean a lot to me :)