broken

fixing

back and forth, i paced my room, only stopping to look at the mirror. i looked like an absolute mess, to say the least.

my blondish-white hair was out of the rubber band that held it in a bun before, making a literal bird nest over my head. my face looked extremely unhealthy, seeming to get paler the more i stared at it. the tank-top i was wearing didn't match my sweatshirt, but i didn't think about that twice.

on top of all that, little red stains smeared the white gauze that was wrapped around my wrist and arm, making memories of last night flood in my head. i was going to go on on the list of how messy i looked, but was interrupted by a slight knock on the door, making my heart beat faster just on the thought of Isaac.

i looked at the window and saw the shadow of Isaac moving. i skipped to unlock the window, my heart beating like nothing else. i done the lock and retreated a step back for him to enter.

"hey" Isaac said as he stepped foot in my room.

"hi" 

Isaac scanned my being, a worried expression on his face, then his eyes landed on my wrapped up arm. his face dropped completely.

"are you bloody serious?"

the statement shock me, left me so dumbstruck-ed that i stepped back. my mouth found no words to say, so i just kept it shut.

"i thought you enjoyed your time yesterday," he said. "i know i did. i just hoped that you would too. it didn't cross my mind that you had such a terrible time and do...that"

if i was surprised earlier, i'm not sure what i am right now.

"that?" i shook my head. "that? is it now called that? is that how you see it, Isaac? wow. i thought you were different, Isaac." 

i sat on the bed, tears fighting to fall from my eyes. i thought he knew. he went through it all. he should know. he ought to.

"i thought you understood" i breathed. it was meant for only me to hear that, i meant to say it to myself, but Isaac seemed to have caught it as he let out a frustrated groan.

i heard light footsteps and then the bed shifted. i can feel the warmth radiating from him. he rested his left hand on my thigh and made me tense up, even when fabric saparated direct contact.

"Abby.." he said my name so gently that i just wanted to look at him, but i resisted my desire. "you know i understand; you know that i've been through it-- just like you." 

we stayed silent for a moment, neither of us saying anything, when Isaac suddenly stood up. i looked at Isaac for the first time in minutes, i'm not sure how i missed his eyes so much in a short period.

"where do you keep your blades?" he said.

why does he has to bring that up? i thought he was here to help. i thought things will go up. "wha-"

"where. do. you. keep. your. blades." he put emphasis on his words.

with trembling hand and a shivering lips, i pointed to the bathroom and spoke the words. "in the drug box behind the mirror" tears were forming in my eyes. why did he want my blades? what is he going to do?

his lips formed a straight line and he nodded his head. Isaac entered the bathroom and closed the bathroom door behind him, and locked it. 

i stayed on my bed and listened carefully to the sound coming from where he is. he's closing the cupboard... he's putting down the toilet lid... and then a small shriek.

immediately, i stood up and went to the door. no, you must be joking. this can't be happening. i knocked on the door loudly. "Isaac!" i begged. "please open the door!" the tears that were fighting to fall before are now falling like a water stream.

how can i be this stupid? why would he need my blades for, other than cutting himself? he wouldn't have been asking for them to shave, that's for sure. 

i stopped pounding on the door and rested my head on it instead, making more tears fall. stupid. just pure stupid. i repeatedly hit the door with my forehead slightly, hoping to knock the idiocy out of my head.

promptly, the bathroom door opened and i stepped back in surprise.

i stared at his cloudy, blue eyes. just the sight of him crying made me cry more. both of his hand were dropped to his sides, and i knew what i was going to find if i looked at them.

"you know what i just did there, don't you?" Isaac asked. i closed my eyes and let out a shaky breath, then nodded my head.

"Abbigail. look at my hand" Isaac pushed. with my eyes still closed, i slid my back down the bed foot, shaking my head and placing my trembling hand over my mouth.

Isaac didn't speak, but when i opened my eyes again and looked at the ground, i saw Isaac's red vans right in front of me. Isaac got down so he was in my level.

"do you now understand?" Isaac asked, forcing me to look at him. i blinked multiple of times to make the image of him less blurry.

"understand what?"  i asked him with a cracked tone.

"understand how much it hurts just watching you hurting, Abby" Isaac whispered.

i couldn't take it. i wrapped my arm around his neck and pulled him to my chest. i buried my head in the crook of his neck. "i'm sorry" i chocked out.

"you don't need to be sorry, Abbigail" Isaac said as he wrapped his arms around me. "you didn't do it on perpose"

"i promise..." i pulled back to look him in the eyes. "i promise i will never do it again."

Isaac smiled a sad smile, but a very genuine one. "that's great, Abby. i'm really proud of you."

i nodded my head and attached my lips to his. "i love you so much" i said against his lips. i felt Isaac's smile. he pulled back from the kiss and stared at my eyes, then pulled me in a hug. "God. i'm so in love with you"

you did your job, Isaac. you healed my cuts; from outside and inside.

do you know that this story happened in literally two week yet it took me months and months to finish?

omggg only the epilougue left

btw before the epilogue i have something to tell you, but gonna post it later.

literally love you all <3 x