broken

epilogue.

i took a deep breath in. i can do this.

for the first time in a long time, i actually asked my mother to give me a ride.

"i'm only going to take a minute," i told my mother as i got out of the car. she just nodded.

i held the paper in both of my hands, telling myself that what i'm doing is what's right. deciding that i should just do it quickly and get over with it, i walked with a faster pace until i stopped right in front of the brown door. their house looked bigger than it really is from the inside.

i probably won't be in there ever again, i thought. tears were threatening to fall.

okay, Abbigail, just slip the envelope under the door. as the envelope almost slid down the door, the door suddenly opened and i freezed in my place.

"Abby?" no. no. no. please tell me i'm just imagining things.

i closed my eyes. this isn't true. Isaac didn't just open the door. but he did. 

"what's this?" he took the envelope from between my fingers. my eyes were still closed, and i was still crouching.

Isaac then put his hands on both my shoulders and made me stand straight, directly facing him if my eyes were open.

"open your eyes, abby, and tell me what's written in there" Isaac demanded. i did what i was told and opened my eyes slowly, a tear escaping and falling on my cheek.

"what's in there?" his grip on my right shoulder tightened as he waved the envelope in my face. i opened my mouth to talk but only a small whimper was able to come out.

Isaac remover his hand and stepped back, both his hands falling to his side, and a sad look started to take over his face.

"read it to me" he said in a tone that held so much emotions in it, from anger to sadness and misery. i shook my head, sniffing.

he took my hand that were trembling on my side and opened the palm of it. he placed the envelope. "read it, Abby. out-loud."

regretting ever writing the bloody letter, I took it out of the envelope and let the envelope fall to our feet. i unfolded the paper, and Isaac was looking at me so intensely while I am. you're not making this any easier! i wanted to cry.

"dear Isaac," i started reading. my voice cracked between every 3 words most. "i love you. but, i also hate you so fucking much. i love you for so many reasons, but hate you for only one.

"i love you for loving me. i love you for being there. i love you for existing. i love you for helping me, healing me. scar my scar, Isaac, you fixed me up. i love you for making me feel like myself when i'm with you, the real me, the better me. i love you for bringing back the smile that abandoned my face long ago. i love you for removing the mask i had. i love you for living, and make me feel alive. i love you for just being Isaac.

"but despite all the reasons why i love you, (which are endless) i hate you. i hate you. i hate you. i hate you for doing this. i hate you for proving to me that some people can stay, and that's also one of the reasons why i love you.  but, you see, people still leave. most of them do."

i looked at him and saw that he was holding back the tears that i had long let fall. "why are you doing this? to the both of us." i knew that he was hurting from this not less than i was. he didn't answer and shook his head, then he asked me to continue. i took a deep breath before i resumed.