broken

abandonment

I just had my dose of chocolate and i hope it's going to help me updating.

 right now was tone of he best moments of my life. Isaac and i were just chilling, doing nothing, and it couldn't have ever been better. we were on my bed, my head on his chest, Isaac's fingers playing with my blonde locks. i have never been relaxed to this point.

my hand that was on his chest traveled to his waist, holding him tight, making me never wanting to let go. please don't leave, i thought in my head. i've never felt this way. 

he can't stay forever, i know that. eveyone is made to leave, to abandon. he can't be an exception, no one is the exception. i felt my eyes perking with tears. everyone's leaving. the ones i hate, the ones i love. my parents and whole school, Isaac. eventually, they're all leaving.

when i have such thoughts, i usually go and grab my razor blade. but right now, i didn't find the urge and need to do that. i felt like holding on to him until he lets go, i squeezed him tighter than evfeltpatalizedallialling on my cheek then on his shirt. 

"Abigail?"  Isaac's chest rose as he talked, his voice was laced with concern. i buried my face deeper in his chest, more tears falling from my eyes. i was crying silently and i was ashamed of myself. "Abigail, baby. are you crying?" that was the first time he ever called me a name other than mine, and something in my chest sparked.

i shook my head and sniffed. that was pathetic, the sniffing and crying. Isaac sat straight, making my head fall to the mattress. i refused to look up and face him.

"Abby..." Isaac pushed. "look at me." i shook my head and sniffed once more. no way. no way, i am not going to look at him and remember that he's going to leave soon, just like all of them.

Isaac's hand was on my neck. my breath was caught in my throat and tears were no longer forming in my eyes. he was here. Isaac was here, right now, right at this moment. and nothing will ever change that, at least for the instant.

when he drew circles with his thumb, butterflies flew in the bottom of my stomach. i rested myself in his palm and closed my eyes. "Abigail, open your eyes," he said in a serious note. his face was close to mine that i felt the air hitting my face and eyelashes. i opened my eyes.

i was instantly met with Isaac's deep blue eyes. it was so vibrant to the point that made me ashamed of my dull eyes. Isaac smiled sadly at me. "are you going to tell me?" he asked in a whisper. i nodded, making our noses collide for a split of a second.

"you're leaving me," i whispered. "just like everyone is, just like everyone did."

"Abby, Abby, Abby." i really like how my name sounds from him. "i am never going to leave you." i looked away from his piercing eyes. "that is what they all say." i sniffed. 

Isaac sat straight, and suddenly i missed the warmth i felt when he was so close to me. "am i like everyone? does everyone do the things i do to you? does everyone try to fix you because they're hurting when they see you broken? does everyone make you feel the way i do, or do you make everyone feel the way i do?" in the middle of his talk, i was sitting straight and wiping my eyes with the fabric of my sleeves. i shook my head, my eyes still strained on the bed under me.

"then, i won't leave you, Abigail. i'm not like everyone, i won't leave you. ever." when i looked up, i was already in his embrace. i hugged him back, squeezed him tight. he is here. he will not leave. not now, not ever.

"i almost left before, for good. never again." he mumbled, his forehead was resting on my shoulder. i tried to pull  away and ask him what the hell did he mean by that but he only tightened his grip on me, making it almost impossible for me to move. i gave up and rubbed my nose in his hair, noticing how it smelled a lot like vanilla.