broken

water

sitting here in the hospital can definitely bore the crap out of you. here i am, sitting by the window, reading some shitty romance book that a kind nurse gave to me so i don't die out of boredom.

blah, i thought as i skipped a couple of useless pages of the author describing every single small detail in the couple kissing and how his tongue was doing miracles.

it was about nine in the evening. right after Isaac and i had finished our "feeling beautiful" session that actually kind of succeed in doing so, Isaac said he needed to go before he gets in trouble for not doing his job. he said he was going to come back later tonight to check up on me and i couldn't be more happy.

i shut the uninteresting book that had about 300 pages of bullcrap and the rest (which are about 30)were just the slightest bit interesting. I placed the thin papers that were crushed between the two ends of the book, which was the olive green cover of it.

i got up from the comfortable seat to go and wash my face in the bathroom. I opened the faucet and let the water come rushing down. my hand formed a cup and was filled with water. i splashed the cold water to my face. i closed my eyes as the water tickled down my face, one droplet at a time.

i closed the water with my eyes still closed and rested both palms of my hands on either sides of the cold, white sink. i opened my eyes slowly to look at my reflecting image of myself in the reflecting sheet of glass.

pathetic.

that was the first word tht came to my mind when i saw my image. pathetic, weak, useless. that was all i saw, that was all i were.

a bony figure in the dull hospital gown. blonde hair flaying every where from my scalp, the black band not doing it's job properly. the lips were chapped like soil that hadn't tasted the water for a long while, colour almost as pale as my face. you can also see the marks on my wrists and arms.

i scoffed, "and i thought he'd even look at me" i mumbled to my image.

"well, you'r'e wrong. he already is" said a voice from my right.

i was surprised when i saw the figure of Isaac leaning against the door frame, resting on his right side both hands folded together.

i started feeling ashamed of myself and started tugging the gown down. "How long have you been standing there?"

he shrugged and got off from the wall. he stood right in front of me. "long enough" he said.

i suddenly felt embarrassed and my cheeks went red. he heard me. he saw me staring at my self in shame.

i didn't know what to say or do, so all i did was stand there and look at him. he was now wearing black jeans and a blue botton down. he looked hot.

"You're going home now?" i asked, concluding it from his outfit.

he nodded his head, "thought i'd come and check on you first"

"you're really sweet, you know that?" the words came out of my mouth before they could function.

he smiled at me, "what made you think that?"

i shrugged, "you check on people every now and then" i said for a starter. "you even got me nuttela"

suddenly, he was standing right in front of me. his brown eyes stared at my blue ones, he slid his finger and put a strand of hair behind my ear. "who said i do that to every one?" he said to my surprise. "that i treat every patient the same way i treat you?"

i wasn't sure how to answer that. so, i answered with my own question. "why me? if you don't treat everyone the same way you treat me, then, why me? there's nothing special about me." our voices were in whispers.

he let out a deep chuckle. that was one of the most best sounds i have ever heard on earth. "i'm not quite sure" he said. his fore finger then started to trace my left arm with it's tips, making me the slightest bit ticklish. "but something... something about you, when i saw you, kept telling me to take care of you.

"it's like i'm your guardian and have to make sure you're not even scratched" he paused. "to make sure you're not hurting yourself" he then looked up from where his finger was to look at my face, he studied it well. "all i wanted to do when i saw the scars on your wrist was hug you and tell you that it's alright and they're not worth it.

"but, hugging you would seem inappropriate since we hardy knew each other so all i did was telling you" his hands once more found my wrist and to my surprise, i didn't have the urge to pull my hand and scream at him for touching something so personal and instead, i let him wrap his fingers around it. "and I'm going to tell you once more" he lifted both our hands to my left just on the level of our heads. "nothing is ever, not under any circumstances, worth you hurting yourself. not even someone else hurting you"

i looked down at my feet not quite sure what to do or what to say. he dropped both our hands but still held mine. but, instead of holding it from the wrist, he laced our fingers together and i can't help feeling as if the butterfly from the other day was trapped in my stomach instead and it's wings touching my inside ever-so-lightly, making me feel all tingly. 

"do you promise?" Isaac asked and for once, i looked up to meet his gaze.

"promise what?" i asked confused. i don't recall him asking or saying anything close to promises.

"do you promise that every time you try and do something like that you come to me first and tell me what's bothering you? i won't tell you not to hurt yourself because that is nothing of my bussiness but i would at least try and convince you not to. and if you did, i would never be the one to judge you because you have your own thoughts and i respect them all. i just want to try.

"do you promise that?" he held a gaze full of hope that i couldn't really say no to or i would feel shittier than i already do. tears were threatening to fall at this moment.

"I promise"

bad bad bad bad bad bad chapter.

the maze runner is so perfect dammit.

fake plot twist: Isaac is actually a vampire.

and yeah, she thinks she's both thin and fat at the same time.