broken

nuttela

sorry for the late update...

the hospital food tastes like gagging.

i know this is healthy and all but, no thanks. i put the food aside for when the nurse would come she would take it. good thing i can leave tomorrow. 

i'm not even sure why i'm still here but, apperantly, they have to keep an eye on me and my blood pressure.

my parents didn't even bother to spare me a visit but i'm kind of grateful. all they do is sit on the living chair and stare into nothing and in deep thoughts.

and oh you have no idea how much i want to know what they're thinking about. not.

i stared at the window and at the daffodils below it and admired how it was soon dying. i wonder if Isaac is coming to change the waters for them today...

i know my chances with him are like -1% but i deserve a little crush on him, don't i?

besdies, he's quite the eye candy.

just like yesterday, the door was opened to reveal no one other than Isaac just as i was thinking of him. but ,unlike yesterday, his hands weren't empty.

i couldn't quite see what exactly was in them but all i made out of it was that it was a cup-like figure and it's colour was brown. what could that be?

"hey" he gave me that dashing smile as he walked closer, "how are you feeling?"

"physically or emotionally?" i asked him as each has a different answer.

"both, maybe?"  he raised an eyebrow and gave me a lop sided grin and walked closer to the bed, the mysterious cup still in his hands.

"physically, i'm feeling okay" i told him, "emotionally though..." I let out a sigh, "better than usual"i stared at my fingers which were playing chase with each other.

"oh really?" he laid the cup on the bedside table and i can finally see what it is. nuttela was written in red (except for the n which was written in black) on the wrapper of the thick plastic cup. 

"how's normal then?" he sat on the bed and folded his leg under him so that he would be looking at me straight in the eyes.

i adverted my eyes from him and tried to look at anything other than him. "trust me, you don't want to know"

even though i wasn't looking at him, i can feel that he came closer on the bed from the motion of the bed when he moved.

i tried to keep myself distracted from the idea that he was centimeters away and that i could feel his minty breath on my face by admiring the dull wallpapers of the room.

but that failed to distract me when he opened his mouth and spoke, "i want to know. look at me and tell me"

and i did that. i fought with myself and looked at him. my breath hitched in my throat when the distance between out face kicked in. but nevertheless, i didn''t move a muscle and decided i will tell him how my usual is.

"my usual" i started with a sigh. "my usual is feeling like shit." i said simply. "just a little piece of shit that no one gives two flying shits about. 

"my usual is wanting to hurt myself." i admitted, tears starting to blur my vision. i bit my top trying to hold the tears back. why am i even crying? "hurt myself because i'm ugly and fat, and these scars helps relieving some pain."

i was going to say further but Isaac put a finger on my shivering lips shutting me up. "Shhh, don't say that"  I looked down at my lap. he slid his finger under my chin and lifted my head up so that my stained blue eyes would be staring at his clear brown ones.

"You're beautiful, okay? don't believe whoever tells you otherwise --even yourself-- and just listen to the people who says you're beautiful." his eyes shone, "you're beautiful. you're so fucking beautiful. you're so beautiful that i don't want you seeing you crying ever again because they make you less beautiful" I let out an chuckle that sounded really weird from all the crying that just happened.

but when his other hand pulled my arm and went to my wrist was when my guards went back up. i stiffened when his thumb drew circles on my wrist were all the scars were fading. 

"nothing is ever worth these." he closed his eyes and shock his head, "nothing at all"

suddenly, he let go of my wrist. letting it fall beside me and stood up. he went to where the cup of nuttela was and grabbed it.

i gave him a confused look when he popped the white part open and came back to where he sat before one the bed, with the same way of sitting.

he mumbled something that sounded like "getting this was so worth it" as he collected the brown substance with his finger. i wasn't sure what he meant but i guessed that because we weren't allowed to get food for patients (especially that he works here) would get him in trouble and that the trouble was worth whatever he is doing.

he lifted up his finger which was covered in brown and brought it near my face. 

i shook my head and pushed his hand away, "i don't want to gain anymore fats, thank you very much"

he sighed. "what did i just tell you? you're beautiful and not in any way fat." he pushed his finger once again near my face. "now, eat this and feel beautiful."

and i did just that. i licked his finger (as wrong as that sounds) and let the chocolate and hazelnut goodness take over my taste bud. i savoured the flavour with every part of me. 

wow, it definitely been a while since i had this.

i closed my eyes so that i could save all my senses and just focus on this. soon after, his finger was out of my mouth and when i opened my eyes and looked at him, he was dipping it back in the heaven-made brown food. he put his finger in his mouth and sucked at it. when he was done with it, he gave me a cheeky smile.

"look at both of us feeling beautiful"

idk, found this chapter really cute

please please please comment and tell me your honest thoughts of the story! it motivates me :)

story will be edited when finished.