broken

katy

so uhm guys sorry again but i had exams past two weeks 'n' sht

"here we are"  Isaac said as he put the car on park. i took a deap breath. Isaac looked at me. "are you nervous?" 

i nodded my head.

i know it was only his younger sister and that she's only nine, but she's also his only family at the moment and a huge part of his life. she was something he really loved and i didn't want to ruin it.

i was staring at the glove box when Isaac brought my face to meet his. Isaac gave me one of his sweet smiles. "there's no need to be nervous." i looked away and took another breath.

"hey, look at me" i fought but couldn't hold the fight with myself, so i turned my head to meet his piercing eyes. Isaac pecked my lips. "it's going to be alright," he whispered. he pulled back and i nodded my head with a fake smile (that i was sure as hell he saw through it.) i opened the door of the car and got out of it, stepping into the windy day. 

i had a bad feeling about this.

-

and my gut feeling was right.

katy was a cupcake, she really was. she was also pretty joyful and succeed at putting a smile on my face, a real one. whenever i looked at Isaac, he'd be looking at me with that glint in his eyes, like this is the best thing that ever happened to him.

he was happy watching the only two things he loves and cherish happy.

but, everything started to go down hill when i felt hot and took off my sweater and kept with my tanktop only.

we were playing house and katy was the daughter, i was the mother and Isaac the father. obviously.

Isaac stopped tickling her when he saw me only in my purple tank-top, his lips twitching trying to hide the smile. katy stopped giggling and took notice of Isaac staring at me, so she stared to.

katy wiggled out of Isaac's grip on floor and ran to me. she hopped on my lap and i let out a laugh at how excited she was. but then katy's smiled was replaced by a frown, her eyes concentrating on something on me. my heart sank in as realization hit me.

she was frowning at my arm, where all the scars lay, fresh ones and old ones. 

my body was surprisngly calm, but that's only from the outside. from the inside? i was fucking freaking out.

what will she think now? that i'm suicidal and want to kill myself? that i disgrace myself? tha i'm no good? everybody thinks that, what will make her any diffrent?

but then i remember that she's only nine, and she almost knows nothing about the real life. she's only curious, i manage to convince myself. but she takes me by surprise when she directs a question at me.

"why do you hate yourself?"

i'm dumbstrucked. i don't even know how to form word anymore, my mouth hangs open in search for words but closes when it doesn't find any.

slowly, i slide the little girl off my lap and stand up, my shaking hands falling to my side. i take in a shaky breath and look at Isaac.

"katy... she doesn't hate herself. she is just injured" he talked his sister. she just shook her head and went to stand next her brother.

"but, potato sac,"--she used the nickname she had for Isaac--"you used to have these scraches and when i ask you why you had them you said because you hated yourself"

Isaac does what i was doing earlier and opens and closes his mouth. he ran a hand over his face and heaved a heavy sigh. he grabbed his little sister's hand and looked at me. "i'll drop katy off at the neighbour's and then drive you back home, alright?"

i nod my head grab my sweatshirt as he and his little sister gets out of the door of his appartement. i pull the sweatshirt and push myself on the couch. 

i stare at the white wall of the living room and think about what just happened a two minutes ago. a tear falls down to my cheek and i quickly wipe it.

why do i hate myself?

-

Isaac pulls into the drivway of my house and puts the car on park. i feel like jumping out of the car and run to my room but i feel like he has something to say, so i wait.

"i'm sorry," Isaac blurts out, cutting through the suffocating silent. i look at him. "what are you apologising for?" i ask.

Isaac was staring right at me, seeing the person i always hide through my eyes. "for what katy said. i know you don't hate yourself, not any more. i believe in you" i smiled a small smile at him and got out of the car. 

i went to the other side of the car and stood by the driver's seat. "thak you, Isaac. for today." Isaac smiled back.

"it's nothing. we can go on more dates like that" i smiled at that and nodded, my heart fluttering. i leaned forward and pressed my lips to his right cheek. when i pulled back, Isaac was smiling that adorable smile of his.

"i'm sorry again for earlier" Isaac apologised once more and my smile started to fade as i remembered what he's talking about.

"it's alright." i told him. "i have to get inside now. bye" i quickly said and ran to the front door of the house, not even glancing at Isaac once.

uhm guys sorry again for the super late update. a whole month? seriously, lujain? school's ruining my life basically.

okay made a dicision. two more chapters + epilpgue + sequel becaus i can't just leave this oKAY

i love you guys please kik me on LujainRaafat bc lonely soul

i hope you guys are having a nice 11/11 :D it's getting a bit chilly here in egypt; just the way i like it. 

much luv xx

(shit guys you know this got 2,100+ reads? love you guys fucking a lot i cannot even explain)