Girl Crush

Chapter 19

That night Harry barely slept, in his head he kept repeating what he wanted to say to Jane. He was up at six, showered, shaved, put on black skinny jeans and a black sweater with his brown boots. When he was ready, he first went to the bakery and bought some fresh croissants and a little pie for his mum.  His mum is always there for him, he want to show her his appreciation for everything she does for him. Then he went to the flower shop and bought 20 red roses for Jane.
When he got home, he made coffee for his mum and set the table. When he was ready he went to the guest room to wake her up.
"Mum, Mummy" Harry whispers. "What Harry?" she groaned. "I have breakfast ready and I'm going to eat, do you want to join me or do you want to sleep?"
"Can I just sleep a little longer Harry" she asked. "Of course mum, I' m going to eat and then I have to do something. I'll see you soon" he said after placing a kiss on her head.
Harry was glad his mum didn't join him. He knows she would want to talk about it and he doesn't want to talk. That's your problem Harry, you never talk, the little voice in his haid said.
Well I'm starting it today and going to do the best I can and now shut up, he said back to the voice. He laughed, I talk to voices in my head, there is really something wrong with me.
After he cleaned up the mess from his breakfast, Harry took his keys, wallet and phone and left for Jane's house.

The drive was short, he was nervous but he had to do it for Jane and for himself. He hoped she could find in her heart to forgive him. When he walked up to Jane's door he saw Jane's neighbour go out the door. He ran so he could get in and didn't have to ring the bell.
He walked to Jane's door, knocked and waited....nothing. He knocked again....... still nothing. He laid his ear against the door, it was quiet.
Harry decided to wait for a while but after an hour there was still no Jane. First he just wanted to leave but then he thought maybe Alex knows where she is. Maybe I should call him but Jane is his friend, he's going to be angry at me. Fuck just call and ask Harry he scolded himself. He took his phone and called Alex.
Alex picked up immediately "Hello?"
"Hi Alex, it's Harry. How are you?"
"I'm good but how are you?" Harry sighs, I'm not good. I made the biggest mistake of my life and I want to try to make it up."
"I heard what happened, seriously Harry what were you thinking?" Alex asked.
Harry heard concern in his voice, no anger and he was relieved about it. "I know, I got scared and took the easiest way out but I was wrong and I want to make it right. I'm at Jane's apartment but she isn't home. Do you know where I can find her?" Harry asked.
"Yes I know" Alex replied. "Harry, Jane isn't good, she is a mess. A couple of days after we got home I called her but she didn't picked up and didn't call back. I kept trying but she never picked up so after two days I was worried and went to her apartment. I knocked but she didn't open the door. I tried the door and it was open. I walked into her living room and there she was on the ground, in the same clothes she was wearing on the plane, listening to your music while she stared at your picture. I tried to talk to her but she didn't say anything. I called the doctor and he said she closed off because she don't want to feel anymore and when she is ready she will become herself again. I took her home and ever since we are taking care of her. She eats again, my wife helps her with the shower but she barely talks and she listens to your album and listens to your interviews all the time. I don't understand why she isn't tired of you yet."
Harry signs, he felt so guilty. What have I done, I broke the love of my life, he thought
"Can I talk to her?" harry asked unsure.
"I don't know harry"...
"Please Alex, I won't say anything to upset her, I promise. Just ask her and if she doesn't want to talk, it's okay."
"Okay, I'll go ask her."
Harry heard Alex climbing the stairs and knocking at a door. He heard Sign of the Times playing in the background while Alex asked Jane if she wanted to talk to me. "HARRY"  he heard her cheer in the background. Harry smiles, she talked and was happy to hear me, it was a good sign.
When he hears Alex's voice again his heart drops. "Harry did you hear her? She said more to me now than in the whole time she has been here and was happy to hear you were on the phone. You had to see her face light up and she had a big smile. I'm going to give the phone to her. Suddenly, Harry was very nervous. I can do it he said to himself
"Hello Harry" I heard a familiar voice say. "Hi my sweet Jane. How are you?"
"I'm not good" she said very quiet, almost too quiet to hear. "I know baby, I'm so so sorry for what I did." Harry heard Jane sniffle on the phone. "Don't cry my sweet Jane. I promise I will make everything right."
At this point he heard Jane crying, "I don't know if you can" Jane whispered.
"I'm going to try, I'm going to fight for you, for me and for us." It was quiet, he only heard Jane sobbing. "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yes" she sobbed "but I have to go, bye Harry".
And then there was nothing, Harry was glad he got to hear her and after this time she talked. It was only a few words but it was a start. He didn't get to tell her what he wanted but had an idea. Harry took the flowers, his mum would be happy with them, walked back to his car and took off.

Back home he greeted his mum, she asked him if he wanted something to eat but he denied. He rushed to his desk and took a piece of paper and start writing:

My Sweet Jane,

I am sorry for the way I treated you. I know it was hard for you to open up to me, to let yourself really feel again. I did to you the exact thing I was afraid of happening to me. I think my past relationships affected me much more than I thought. I know it doesn't make it right but I hope you will understand it better.
In the past, I was used so many times, for my money, name or fame. I have been cheated on and lied to. Often, people showed their true colors after I told them I loved them. When I noticed I was getting used, I was broken, empty. I started to believe no one just wanted to be with me for the person I am.
When I first saw you, I was mesmerized. You were the most beautiful woman in the club. You allowed me to get to know you better and I discovered you loved the same things like I did. I never met anyone who is so passionate about music like I am, who likes and dislikes the same things, who thinks the same way, who can fill my sexual needs completely...
But you did all that and more, you were like coming up for fresh air..
I love you, Jane! I feel such a deep connection between us. There is something so sweet and deep in your soul and I fell in love with it. When you said you loved me, I panicked, I was so afraid. I know it doesn't make sense but I thought if I said it back, everything would fall apart. I immediately regretted what I had done and If you let me, I promise to make it up to you.
But to make it up to you and love you like you deserve I first need to work out my issues. I don't have the right to ask you if you will wait but I hope you will. I will work on my issues and come back to you as the man you deserve. I'm so sorry for hurting you, I will do everything in my power to make it up to you.
Please know you can always call me, I'm here for you. I will be back, I promise!
I love you, my sweet Jane
All the Love,

Your Harry

When Harry was finished, he drove to Alex's house and put the letter in the mailbox. He had sent Alex a text, to clear his mailbox immediately, to make sure Jane will read it today. He hoped she would take him back but he was going to do as he was promised, he had to work out his past.

A/N: Happy holidays!!! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas with your loved ones.
Thank you for reading this chapter, I hope you like it!?
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All the Love,
M.