Unhinged - COMPLETE

04

Warning: this chapter talks about death, depression and has small talk about religion. If speaking or reading about these topics make you uncomfortable or triggers you, please feel free to skip this chapter

-B

Olivia's POV

Three years ago

With my daughter off to college and my cheating husband dead, being alone can really take its toll on you. I didn't want to be like this. I didn't want to feel like this. I needed to get help and I needed to do it fast.

I was becoming antsy. This depression started off small, something I've been able to handle. Going to work as a nurse really helped me deal with my slight depression, especially seeing the smiles of my friends at work and the smiles of the patients I've helped.

My depression got worse when I found out my husband had been cheating on me for three years. Every time he said that he was going on a business trip, he was actually going to see her in Sacramento. I didn't have the strength to leave him, as I didn't have the strength to let Tobi know that her father was cheating on me and I didn't do anything about it.

I prayed to God everyday, asking him to give me strength to leave him. To give me strength to tell my daughter. Instead, my depression became worse.

One day Marcus told me he was going on another "business trip", but I knew where he was really going. On his way there, the train he usually took crashed into a car that was on the tracks and the whole train blew up, killing every single passenger on board.

Now, I never blame God for bad things that happen. No, because God is good. He doesn't own this wicked world. Satan does. Would it be okay if I blamed Satan for making my husband cheat on me? For killing my husband? For making my husband fall out of love with me?

My fingers twitched and I was bouncing my legs up and down as I sat on the couch. I debated with myself. I didn't want to get help because that would make me vulnerable. I would be seen as "insane" because I had this feeling in me that puts me in a constant state of this irritable sadness.

What's weird is that, my whole life I've had this feeling of being sad or maybe it was feeling as if I didn't have enough energy. The day came when Tobi came home for her father's funeral, and at that moment during the funeral, I felt free of my depression. At that moment, I thought I was going to be happy again.

But Tobi went back to school after the funeral and I was left alone. It didn't bug me at first, but being alone leaves you alone with your thoughts. You start to think things. I think that being alone with our own mind is the most dangerous thing we can do. The mind is powerful, and it has control over how we feel.

I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed the phonebook that collected dust on the counter. I looked through the table of contents and scrolled down with my eyes until I seen Psychologists. I quickly turned to the page, practically ripping the pages as I went through, and stopped once I found it.

All but one doctor was close by. The other doctors were several cities away. Dr. Dylan Martin who specialized in psychopharmacology and psychoscience.

I quickly dialled the number and was thankful the call went through. A woman picked up the phone and I was able to schedule an appointment with Dr. Dylan.

The day came when I had my appointment. I was nervous but I wasn't sure what it was about. Maybe I was scared that he was going to diagnose me with some ridiculous mental disease.