One shots? {Jamilton}

Sky Diving {Jamilton}

47. "When I picture myself happy... It's with you."

this is my bday present to Icantnamestuff

animatic by szin
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~Alex POV~

I take deep shuddering breaths as I run towards the middle of the bridge. When I finally stop, I'm gasping for air, doubling over and wheezing.

Slowly, I pull myself up and sit down on the side of the bridge, letting myself rest. As I breathe heavily, thoughts whirl in my head. When I finally get a grip on my surroundings, I lift a shaky hand to my face. Brushing my fingertips on my cheeks, I feel the moisture of tears on my skin.

I close my eyes and tilt my head back, facing the night sky. I open my eyes slowly and stare at the stars, identifying constellations and planets. Patterns that were taught to me by Thomas.

I feel a pang in my heart at the thought of him. I try to stop thinking about him. Stop thinking about anything. In that moment of silence, I hear a sound. It strikes me that the Hudson River is currently flowing 30 feet under me. The music of rushing water haunts me. I feel my thoughts and body being pulled towards it but then I tighten my grip on the ledge im sitting on.

I cant lean back and let go. That would be breaking the promise I made to Thomas. But then again, he broke his promise to me.

"Promise me you wont ever try that again...m'kay? I love you too much."

"I-I promise," I mumble as he wipes tears from my face.

"And in return, I promise to never leave you ever," he whispers and pulls me close.

I sob out loud, ripping myself out of my memories. If he broke a promise I could too. Right?

I put my face in my hands as another memory resurfaced in my brain.

"Thomas, I cant believe you convinced me to do this," I yelled over the deafening helicoptor. Somehow, Thomas had conviced me to go sky diving. As of now, I was strapped to Thomas' front, feet right on the edge of the helicopter door, hundreds of feet in the sky.

"Lex, just relax. I'll do everything for ya. Your only job is to watch," Thomas yelled back. (lets pretend that thomas is a professional sky diver mkay?)

At his words, I let go of the bar next to me, letting Thomas take over.

"Just relax and let go," He said as we leaned off of the helicoptor.

I ran my hands though my hair. Why did it have to end like this?

"Thomas," I said to no one in particular, my voice cracking. "Why did you have to end it? You promised me." I bit my lip until I tasted blood.

"W-Was it something I did? I-I dont know- I just-" I started to stutter. Theres was too much I wanted to say. Too many things I was thinking. My brain was going into overload and Thomas wasnt here to stop me. He was usually the one to help me calm down, to help me relax. But he wasnt here and he would never be here again.

"You know, when I- I picture myself happy... It's with y-you," I said, pretending Thomas was really there with me. "You were always my rock, my anchor, me island. You kept me sane when I was going mad. You kept me home when I overworked myself." As I kept talking, a vision of Thomas appeared in front of me.

His smiling eyes and his smirk pierced me, making me want to scream. I wanted him but he didnt want me. Not anymore.

"You kept me grounded when I just wanted to fly away. You kept me alive when I didnt want to be," My voice cracked as I kept going. "I cant imagine my life without you anymore and I dont want to."

As I calmed down finally, taking deep breaths from talking so fast, I began a mental count down from 5.

5

The sound of the river was taunting me, pulling me closer and this time, I didnt resist.

4

I tried to lean back but my insticts kept me from leaning all the way.

3

"Just relax and let go," the ghost of Thomas said to me. Just like when we went sky diving.

2

I nodded and tried again, leaning back with success.

1

"Just relax and let go," I repeated as my fingers let go. Just like sky diving with Thomas.

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oh whoops...broke my fluff streak.

so...im not promoting suicide or anything. please dont do it. if you ever get any urges please dont. im here if you need anyone to talk to.

on a happier note...HAPPY BIRTHDAY Icantnamestuff

THANKS FOR BEING AN AMAZING FILIPINO AND MAKING ME LAUGH

uh...hoped you liked this??? i dont rlly know where i was going with this or why i gifted you an angsty one shot??? but its the thought that counts???? god im such a bad gift giver. just take this gift card or somethin *hands gift card*

LOVE YA!!

~❤️