XI. Closer

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Harry sat complacent on the futon cuddled next to Zayn. Together, they molded into the furniture and have not moved. What was supposed to be a temporary absence has been prolonged. It was nearly noon when they received the phone call from Mrs. Tomlinson. Harry tried to listen attentively but all he could hear was a swishing sound in his brain. Zayn, on the other hand, could recite every word.

"Last night, Lottie found Louis vomiting. He is currently in the hospital once again. Ironically, the vomiting has very little to do with it. He has what the doctors are calling 'refeeding syndrome.' Because his body has grown accustomed to starvation, now that he's eating, his body is having trouble metabolically processing insulin, protein, magnesium, and potassium. Don't rush to get here. It isn't fatal. Take care of yourself too, Harry."

Harry scooted closer to Zayn and nuzzled his head deep into his chest. He wanted to cry, needed to cry, but the only emotion he could feel is nothing. Numbness and apathy made its appearance and hasn't left yet.

"So basically if he doesn't eat, he suffers. If he does eat, he suffers!" Zayn angrly said as he lit up a cigarette. "I'm going to look up this shit." He grabbed his iPhone from his pocket. "Refeeding Syndrome is common among Anorexia-Nervosa sufferers when they begin to introduce a healthy calorie intake. The sudden overload of electrolytes causes cardiac burden. The shit is this?" He threw his phone.

Harry didn't reply. Instead, he latched onto Zayn even more.

"I'm going to see him today if you want a ride. I don't think you're in any shape to drive," Zayn suggested petting Harry's hair fondly. "To be honest, not sure if I am either....."

"Nonsense. I'm driving," Niall demanded. Neither one argued and thought that was a good idea. "It's going to be okay, Lad," He sat on the other side of Harry. Giving into the warmth, Harry turned and put his head into Niall's lap.

Zayn bit his quivering lip but felt himself coming unraveled. He obscurely wiped his eye with his sleeve trying to be strong for everyone else. As the memories flashed in his mind like a tidal wave, however, he no longer could keep his composure. He stood up, pacing around the room frantically. Just as he was about to bolt, he felt arms clutch him tightly, holding him still.

"I'm sorry," he exhaled, breathing into Liam's shirt.

"It's in the past," Liam replied stroking his back. "How's Harry?" He mouthed to Niall, who retorted with a head shake implying not well.   

Harry stood up and stretched lazily as he made his way down the stairs searching for Ed. "Did you hear about Louis?"

"I did, I did. How are you?" Ed asked counting money.

"To be completely honest, not sure. Ask me later. I need something from you," Harry inched closer to him looking around the room paranoid. "I can't deal."

Ed shot him a knowing look "I'm going to have to decline, Harold. This is not healthy for you." He lovingly replied.

Harry nodded, pretending he understood before walking out the door. As he walked down the sidewalk, he recognized a familiar pile of hair standing in a perfect swirl.

"Zayn, wait!" He called after him. "I need something."

"You need something from ME? This outta be good, Harry."

"Look...." Harry shifted his eyes to his surroundings. "I'm having thoughts....thoughts of self harm....and I just can't right now. I just can't."

 
Zayn grabbed a cigarette from his coat and motioned Harry to shield his lighter from the wind. "Alright look, I'm on a schedule right now. I have to meet some people but come back by here in a few hours and I'll help you out. Until then, no hurting yourself pretty boy. Gotta be strong for Lou." He said running his hand through Harry's hair.

Shoving one hand in his coat pocket, Zayn took a drag of his cigarette and looked back one more time at Harry before disappearing into an alley. Harry stood outside the apartment contemplating what he should do. The urge to cope becoming unbearable.

(iMessage) to Zayn 2:25 p.m.
Harold: Can I go with u
Malik:
YHarold: Pls 🙏
Malik: Go with me where
Harold: anywhere
Malik: : So the Irish one, Li, or the ginger aren't good enough company all of a sudden....
Harold: Pls🙏
Malik: no but wait for me at Ed's. I told you I'd be back tonight.
Harold: Fine. I miss Louis
Malik: Yeah, well, me 2.
Malik: Maybe u should be calling him instead of txting me
Malik: just a thought...  🤔

********

Drawing back the curtains, Mrs. Tomlinson smiled as sunlight peered through the dreary hospital room.

"Much better," she said satisfied.

Louis flipped over and put a pillow on his head trying to block out the sunlight.

"Good afternoon, sweetheart," she beamed. She leaned in and hugged Louis tightly.

"I want to go home," he snapped.

"Well you can't get discharged yet. I can't believe after all of the treatment you've had, Lottie found you purging. Louis William. What were you thinking?" 

Instantly getting defensive, Louis rolled his eyes. "Mom, I'm not even in here because of that, you heard the doctors. I am in here because I tried to increase my calories but guess what? My body hates it as much as my mind does now!"

"Oh no, son, not today. You've came too far and made too much progress to have negative thinking. I'm not going to enable you. I'm not going to listen to the negativity. I'm going to go home and take care of your siblings. You're an adult." She scolded him. "But this conversation is far from over. You should not have been purging young man!"

"Mom, wait!" Louis called out grabbing her arm just before she was out of his reach. "I promise to try harder, okay? I don't mean to upset you. Please don't cry." He begged. "You're going to make cry. I don't mean to be such a fuck up. I'd love to just get my English degree, walk across the stage, and make you proud. Not cry all the time! You secretly hate me, don't you? I can't even give you grandchildren because I love Harry! I can't do anything right. Everyone hates me. Sometimes I wonder why I dream to die but then I remember what's the point of living when you suffer everyday, and make those around you suffer? You try to understand why people love you but you just can't!" He screamed as he hid his face in his hands.

Mrs. Tomlinson felt her expression soften. "No, baby. That's not how the world works. You're a wonderful son. I've never once asked you not to love who you want to. I think of Harry as my other son. Where is all this coming from? The day you were born, I thanked God for letting me have his best angel and I still thank him everyday for that. I love you so much sweetheart."

"I love you too, Mom. I'm so sorry."

******

Authors Note:  Just a fair warning my lovelies...I've noticed in other people's  stories, when things weren't exactly 'happy', it would piss readers off. However I don't believe I can write a glamorous, romanticized fairytale love story...and if that bothers you, it's probably best to stop reading here.

This story says in the description it may be triggering ⚠️ and that includes love triangle so...Lol just telling ya :) love you.

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