XXI. The Morning After

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A cold chill blew through the dorm as Zayn opened his eyes and tried to focus them awake. The sleepiness was overwhelming but he knew it was time to get up when he saw that the sky was cloudy and it was no longer night time.

Once he became oriented that he was still holding Louis, he realized last night was not a dream as he anticipated it to be. The thought caused him to grin extra large and pull Louis toward him.

"Good morning," Zayn nestled softly inside of Louis' neck. "Time to get up, sweetness," He couldn't help but trail a set of kisses down his neck.

Louis groaned in protest and put the cover over his head. Zayn giggled as he followed suit. "I would love to stay under this fortress with you all morning but you have Therapy...then play practice," he said trying to remove the cover but Louis kept it clutched tightly in his fist.

"I'm never coming out!" Louis objected. "You can't make me. I'm just going to stay under here and die," he dramatically stated.

"And why is that?"

"Because my life is over...." Inside the cover, he felt the atmosphere becoming hot and the ability to breathe comfortably running out time. He poked his head out of the cover and brought himself closer to Zayn, resting under his armpit.

"Lou, play practice..." Zayn whined.

Giving in, Louis looked at himself in the mirror. He ran his thumb over a collection of purple hickeys on his neck, grimacing at the sight and regretting the person who marked him. He glanced back at Zayn momentarily, trying to make a positive out of the situation but couldn't.

Zayn came behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist. "Alright, we're running late, Lou. No shower for you. Just get dressed.!" Zayn zoned in on what Louis was staring at and blushed a tinted red. "I did that, huh? Got a little carried away. Forgive me?" He asked innocently biting his lip.

"Nothing to forget. Felt really good actually," Louis pulled Zayn down to tenderly kiss him.

"Then you won't mind if I leave more?" Zayn giggled into his neck sucking gently.

******

Regret.

He wanted it all to be a dream.

But he realized he was already awake living in his own nightmare.

He looked in the mirror and noticed that he had dark bruises littered across his neck, ones that were not given out of moments of love but desperation.

Shame.

He looked down at his hand rubbing faint scars that still were noticeable months after his altercation with the mirror that cut his hand. He tried to remind himself that repeating the action in his dorm would probably get him destruction of property charges and wasn't worth it.

He allowed the water to become a warm temperature before he grabbed a washcloth and pumped hand soap onto it. He put it up to his neck, scrubbing abrasive at the purple bruises on his neck.

He stopped momentarily to check his status of his mission. Failed. The bruises were more noticeable than ever. He pumped more soap on the cloth and began to brush his neck more aggressively; a temporary obsession and compulsion.

Guilt.

His skin began to feel raw, rugged, abused. Tiny droplets of crimson was seeping through tore skin but he continued to scrub.

"Harry?" he heard a faint voice call but it did not stop him. Panic began to set up and the scrubbing intensified.

"What are you doing? STOP!" The voice commanded.

He threw the washcloth in the sink and tried to claw away the bruises, though his fingernails were blunted, it still stung. The sensation of open wounds making him tear up.

He saw the reflection of the person in the mirror, breaking into small sobs.

"I messed up so bad, Niall!"

"Yes you did..."

"Why did I do that? Why did I let that happen? I lost him. I pushed him right into Zayn's arms!" Harry said, his green eyes darkening.

Niall tried to make eye contact with Harry but he couldn't help but stare at the inflamed skin on his neck that contained hues of bleeding red and dark blue and purple hickeys. He tried to find the words to comfort his best friend but he empathized too much. He knew what it's like to slowly lose the one you love and feel helpless.

Snapping out of the train wreck in front of him, he wrapped his arms around Harry, being thankful that no mirrors were not broken or razors used before he got there. He counted that as a small win.

"He loves you, Lad. It's fixable. Just don't do your...." Niall took in a deep breath. "Harry thing and give up. You did mess up; not going to sugar coat it for you. You and Zayn went too far and as a result, Louis allowed Zayn to mind fuck him too. Actually, we can't blame this on Zayn. You are both grown men who make your own choices." Niall sternly stated. "You're going to deal with it without losing your shit this time! Louis has something to be sorry for too."

Harry looked at the hickeys on his neck one last time before going to his closet and trying to find a turtle neck.

"We have that stupid practice today. Marcel said if we miss it, we're outta the play," Niall said checking the time.

"Ugh. I don't want to let down Louis. We have to go," Harry said frustrated, hoping he could have a free day to collect his thoughts. 

Niall grabbed his wizard hat and placed it on his head, laughing at himself in the mirror before helping Harry dress like a court jester.

"I guess they'll be there since they're the lead actors. We have to keep this civil. I know you're hurt right now about what happened last night, but do not let that turn to anger and punch Zayn, or worse; yell at Louis," Niall reminded him as they made their way out of the dorm, toward the theatre.

"I'll try," Harry said popping his knuckles. "But I can't get that out of my head...all night I just dreamt that Louis was letting Zayn..." he gulped. "I heard it, Niall! I was going to apologize and I heard it!"

Niall sympathetically put Harry in a embrace.

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