Let Me Show You How to Love Yourself (Larry Stylinson) ✅

The Fight

Harry sat in his room, bundled up in blankets, unable to concentrate on the Netflix show in front of him. He couldn't stop thinking about the way Louis had kissed him -- or in fact, the way he had kiss Louis. It had been ages since he was intimate with anyone, ages since he even allowed anyone to touch him in any way other than a tiny tap on the back. Zayn and Liam had tried to hug him countless times over the past few months, but he has always panicked and resisted, begging for them to stop as though they were whipping him rather than cuddling him. 

Harry began to wonder if what had really just happened had been a dream, and with his dizzy spells, it very well could have been. But even Zayn and Liam could tell something was different with him when he arrived back at the flat. 

"Someone looks cheery," Zayn said with a big smile, although Harry saw Liam hit him afterwards and whisper something about not drawing attention or making a big deal out of things because it would upset Harry. It doesn't upset me, Harry thought to himself. Why do they always treat me like a child? 

As Harry went to his usual spot at the TV, Liam followed after him with a bowl of cereal. "Hey, Harry," he said slowly. "I'm assuming you didn't have breakfast at Louis' right? Because if you say you did, I'll go and ask him if you're telling the truth." Harry shook his head angrily, annoyed that he couldn't lie to Liam this time and grabbed the bowl, slowly spooning the Cheerios into his mouth. 

He didn't have as much trouble with cereal as he did with other foods because it  was low calorie. It was still scary, but the milk was scarier and he was dreading the part where Liam made him drink the milk at the bottom. Oftentimes he held his nose as the thick fatty milk dripped down his throat. It wasn't that he didn't like the taste, it's just that the thought of consuming something so unhealthy made him want to vomit. 

Harry ate the cheerios quickly, or at least quicker than Liam expected, and then he looked up at him with a sour face. "Please don't make me drink the milk, Liam," he begged, pulling on another beanie that he found on the coffee table. "Alright," Liam replied coolly. "Then you can have a yogurt instead. You need a dairy with your breakfast." Harry considered the two options. Yogurt also made him nervous, but not quite as much, especially if it was the diet yogurt. 

"Alright, yogurt," he said, getting up to get it. "No, Zayn'll get it, Haz. How do you feel today? Be honest," Liam said, sitting down in the chair across from him. "Um... well I had a dizzy spell this morning, but aside from that fine," Harry said. He decided to just tell Liam the truth because he never ever let Harry get away with saying 'fine' and often pressed him until he told the truth, which is exactly what Louis had done today. 

"Here's the yogurt," Zayn said, jogging over and handing Harry the yogurt with a spoon. Harry inspected the label, looking for the calorie and fat content, but Zayn had ripped it off. He shot Harry a warning look. "Don't look at the label, Haz. You're fine. You're doing so great today," Liam said smiling. He wished he could hug him or at least pat his back, but knew better than to try to touch Harry unexpectedly. 

Harry faked a smile and opened the yogurt, taking small spoonfuls as Zayn and Liam stared at him to make sure he didn't throw any of it away. Harry wanted to cry at how trapped he felt, how out of control he was. His roommates were literally treating him like an incapable child, and all he wanted to do was prove that he wasn't one. 

"So, Harry, we know you're not gonna like this. But there's another program that we want you to try," Zayn said slowly, taking Harry's empty yogurt container as he finished. "Louis' sister went there and she highly recommends it. And we called your insurance and they're gonna cover it this one last time...."

Harry wanted to resist, but he knew it was no use. Liam and Zayn would do whatever it would take to get him to go, even if it meant removing him from the house by force--which is something they have done before. "I obviously don't have a say in this," he said, glaring at Zayn.

"Harry, please. If you do well there during the first two weeks, you can switch to outpatient. It's supposed to be different than the others. There's a much stronger focus on your mind," Zayn said in soothing voice. Liam nodded in agreement, but Harry shook his head, tears flowing. 

"Harry, you do this every time. I'm so sorry we have to do this, but there's literally no other option. Do you want me to call the hospital?" Liam asked. He was beginning to tear up too. "No," Harry said. "I'm just so bloody embarrassed I keep relapsing."

Zayn and Liam looked at each other with sad eyes. "We know you're trying, Haz," Liam said, walking over and slowly patting Harry's back, making sure to get his permission first. "But right now, we need you to fight. You're going to have to fight as hard as you can. Can you do that for us?"

Harry looked up at Zayn and Liam, who both looked so tired, so worn out from over a year of taking care of him. He could tell they needed this to end, that they needed him to get better once and for all. That he was slowly draining them of everything they had. 

"I fucking promise I won't give up this time," he breathed, holding back tears. "I'll give it everything I've got. For you guys." And for Louis, he thought.