Let Me Show You How to Love Yourself (Larry Stylinson) ✅

Deep

"Hey, you okay?" Niall asked, walking over to Louis, who was continuously slamming down on the backspace key with more vigor than usual as he edited his piece. It was Sunday night and his article needed to be posted tomorrow morning or else he would be in a lot of trouble with his boss, a tall, ill tempered brunette who wasn't the friendliest as far as managers went.

"I'm fine... this article is just fucking me up," Louis growled, taking another sip of his black coffee. It was the only thing that could help him think when he was super sleepy.

"Well, why don't you take a break. For like ten minutes. We can chat," Niall said, putting aside his stack of real estate paperwork and taking a seat next to Louis on the couch. "Fine," Louis grumbled as he slammed his laptop shut. The bright neon laptop stickers of music notes, the gay flag and kittens felt smooth beneath his fingers.

"So, how's Sophie?" Louis asked, cocking an eyebrow. "Oh, she's super good. She'll be travelling to New York next week for some fashion show thing. She's super excited for it," Niall replied thinking of the way his girlfriend's beautiful blue eyes had gleamed with excitement as she told him the news, her bright curls bouncing on her back.

"That's awesome. I've been before, but I can hardly remember. The food was amazing though. That pizza," Louis replied, licking his lips as he imagined the gooey mozzarella cheese and rose colored red tomato sauce that had coated each slice.

Niall giggled. "Stop, you're making me hungry," he said, shoving his roommate as he laughed. "So how are things for you? With Harry?"

Louis raised an eyebrow at Niall, a snarky smile forming on his lips. He had never formally discussed his feelings for Harry with Niall, but his roommate knew him better than anyone -- maybe even better than himself -- and all it took was that one night of observing Louis and Harry chatting for him to put two and two together.

"I...yeah, good. We baked together the other day when you were with Sophie. He really opened up to me. You know how he's all quiet and shy? Well, he started to come out of his shell and he's really funny-- sassy, even," Louis said smiling sweetly.

"That's awesome, Lou," Niall said, slapping his friend's thigh lightly. "Do you think he's getting a bit better." Louis shrugged, wishing Niall could understand that the situation wasn't that black and white. "Too soon to tell," he replied quietly. "He's making progress. I got him to eat some cake... just one bite, but it's a huge step for him. But he's been sick like this for a long time, Ni. It's gonna take him a while before he can you know, be healthy again."

Niall frowned and nodded at Louis. He had known about Fizzy's illness and heard what it was like from Louis, but it was still hard for him to understand this complex disorder. He sort of pitied Louis for having to go through it again, even after Fizzy recovered.

"Lou, do you think... well, don't flip out on me," he began, anticipating Louis' fiery temper to go off in flames if he pressed too quickly. "Do you think this is healthy? You and Harry? I mean... he doesn't seem ready to be in a relationship. And it's probably hard on you to watch him go through this."

Louis looked at Niall with a sullen gaze, their blue eyes connecting. He sighed and started to pick at his fingernails, knowing damn well that Niall was right, but too stubborn to admit it. What Niall had just described was a fear that has been lingering in the back of his mind for quite some time this weekend. It was sort of crazy because he literally had just met Harry a few days ago, but he felt as though as he already had a magnetic pull on him--and he simply couldn't walk away no matter how hard he tried. He was just too attracted.

"Do you think... maybe you want Harry because you want to take care of him? That maybe you want to help him in ways you couldn't help Fizzy?" Niall asked softly. Though he was a big drinker and a generally jolly fellow, Niall had a knack for opening up conversations that were eerily deep, so much so that they sometimes made Louis cry. Now was one of those times.

"Ni," Louis said, turning away to wipe away a tear that was forming in his eye. "I... I don't want you to look too much into this. We just met. And it's crazy, but I feel like I've known him for so much longer...." he began lowering his eyes to the hardwood floors as he suddenly realized Niall might be right.

"I guess I do see Fizzy in him and I do want to help him, to fix him. I guess you're right, Niall. And I know it's probably unhealthy... but I just, I just need him," Louis said, his eyes watering even more. He didn't want to get into the whole thing now with Niall because he already knew all the stories, but Louis had been in a lot of toxic relationships of the past, where his partners would manipulate him and play games with him, stringing along for months for nothing more than some sex or an ego boost and then throwing him away like crumpled paper.

But with Harry, Louis didn't feel so crumpled anymore. He didn't feel so broken. If he was being honest, Louis still had self esteem issues, though his loud mouth and sassy commentary often made people think otherwise. Though he didn't express it, he still felt insecure about certain parts of his body, like his thighs and his tummy, which many of his partners had poked fun at before. And though he would never admit it to anyone, deep down he thought he might not be good enough to even be in a relationship with -- might not be worth it. After all, if so many people had left him, it was probably his fault, wasn't it?

Niall sighed as he saw the look of pain on Louis' twisted face and put a gentle arm around his friend. "It's okay, mate," he cooed. "I know how you feel. You think you need him because he makes you feel safe and wanted. That's okay mate, but don't rely on him for your happiness. The happiness should come from in here." Niall pressed on Louis' chest, where his heart was, and Louis let out a tiny sigh.

"I guess you're right, Ni. Thank you," Louis said, leaning towards him and trapping him in a bear hug. "It's just that. I don't know. I'm gonna miss him."

Niall nodded, tapping Louis' hand to release him from the bear hug which had quickly grown to be too tight. "Yeah, but you know he has to go to treatment," Niall said sternly. "When he comes back and he's healthier, then you can think about starting a relationship. And in the meantime, you can work on yourself."

Louis nodded a smiled bit, his eyes still wet from the emotional roller coast this conversation had turned into. "I like that, Ni," he replied. "That's a really good idea."