Let Me Show You How to Love Yourself (Larry Stylinson) ✅

Stronger

"Oh my god, this is amazing Harry," Louis said, his blue eyes sparkling in the harsh light of the bakery. He and Harry were sitting across from each other at a tiny red table for two trying Harry's latest creation: a chocolate mousse-peanut butter layer cake.

Harry smiled, his dimples creeping across his cheeks as he looked at Louis, who now had chocolate all over his face. Reaching across the table, he took a napkin to his boyfriend's lips as he giggled. "So messy, Lou," he said. "But thank you, babe. I worked hard on this one."

Harry took a bite of his own slice of cake, his taste buds singing as the moist frosting hit his tongue. It had been a year since Harry had gone to rehab -- and nearly 8 months since he had gotten back together with Louis. The voice in his head was still very much there, but it was much quieter, and Harry made an effort every day to challenge it, eating his favorite foods and desserts and pushing the worry to the back of his mind. Some days were much harder than others, but today was a good day, and Harry tucked into the cake without much of a second thought.

"How's Niall?" Harry asked, taking a sip of Louis' coffee. Louis flashed him an exaggerated angry look, as if to say 'don't take my drink,' but quickly turned his frown into a smile. "He's great. He and Sophie love their new place. It's by the water. They actually asked us to get dinner Friday. How does that sound?"

Harry nodded in response. Since Niall had moved out of Louis' apartment last month, Harry hadn't seen much of him and was eager to catch up with the peppy Irish lad.

"Sounds great, love. Do you miss him?" Harry inquired. Over the past few months, he and Louis had explored the power of communication, and realized that nothing was too big or small to talk about -- it was better to get feelings out in the open than to bottle them up. And Harry had noticed that Louis had seemed a bit down since his companion left.

"I do," Louis admitted. "He hasn't been great about communicating because the move has been so stressful... You know, Niall, he had to check a hundred different places before he found the perfect one. And don't say a word, but I think he's planning on proposing soon. I just hope he still has time for me..." Louis' eyes flitted down to his converse sneakers, as they usually did when he got uncomfortable.

"I understand," Harry said, nodding. "I know what it's like to lose a close friend. But you won't lose him, Lou. Niall's great." Harry sighed as he thought of Zayn, who had also just moved out a few weeks ago. After what happened with Louis, Zayn became extremely awkward and standoffish around Harry. While he used to be Harry's go to friend to confide in, he quickly turned into a stranger, barely saying hello when he entered the flat and spending almost all his time in his room. Harry began to think back to the last time he had seriously spoken with Zayn, his heart sinking a little.

"Hey, you eating well, yeah?" Zayn asked over tea the week before he left. Harry nodded, and replied with a soft "yeah." There were a million other things that he wanted to talk to Zayn about like the latest cake order at the bakery and his upcoming date with Louis at the cabaret. But Zayn's glassy eyes and blank face told him that it was probably better to just stay quiet.

"Good to hear. Listen, Harry. I'm sorry I've been so cold for the past few months. I know we've talked about it... and I went to therapy. But I just can't get over my guilt, and I also can't get over Liam. I see him every day at the office. And it's really become too much for me. I'm taking a new job in Newcastle," Zayn told him, his brown eyes connecting with Harry's green ones for the first time in ages. "I'm really sorry, Harry. I was waiting until you seemed better, and now you do. Are you okay with this? Do you think you can handle being on your own?"

Harry felt his face flush red and twisted his curls nervously in his fingers. "Honestly, Zayn. It's felt like I've been living alone for a while," he admitted, coming off a bit colder than he had anticipated. Zayn nodded, understandingly, looking over at Harry with a guilty expression. "I know, I'm sorry," he replied, rubbing Harry's arm softly. "For everything."

It wasn't just Zayn who had deserted Harry. It was Liam too-- he was still living with his friend Joe on the other side of town, and though he kept in touch with Harry through weekly lunches, things were never the same as they used to be.

Harry thought things would be easier to resolve with Liam than Zayn, since Liam hadn't been involved in the cheating scandal. But Harry quickly realized that months of unaddressed tension had built up between them, mostly due to Liam's commanding attitude and control issues surrounding Harry's eating disorder.

Like with Zayn, Harry's interactions with Liam quickly became tense and overly formal, with Liam mostly asking how Harry was doing. Harry would always "fine." Then Liam would tell Harry a one sentence story about the office and Harry would respond with a one sentence blurb about the bakery.

And they never, ever spoke of Louis or Zayn.

As painful as the experiences were with his two former best friends, however, they helped Harry grow--they helped him to finally gain some independence within his recovery. Without Zayn and Liam hovering about making sure he ate or didn't purge, it was up to him to get the job done. And he slowly discovered that he was a lot more capable than he thought, especially when he started going to a new therapist who helped him work through his issues with food.

Harry realized that he didn't need Zayn or Liam in his life-- he didn't need anyone. But there were certain people he wanted in his life. Like Niall and Louis. And his friends at the bakery. People who made him happy, people who supported him and wanted to know how his day was going -- not whether or not he ate the entirety of his plate.

As Harry sat in the cafe with Louis, laughing and nibbling on chocolate cake, he never felt more content. He never felt more free from his demons. And maybe that's why he asked Louis the question that he did that afternoon.

"Hey, Lou... can I ask you something?" Harry asked, shifting the subject away from their friends. Louis nodded, a curious smile forming on his lips. "Sure, babe," he said, excitedly. "Are you going to ask me to write an article called 101 ways my man is sexy? Because I already have the draft saved..."

Harry chuckled, grabbing Louis' hand across the table. "No, love. I was thinking, since Zayn just moved out, and he stops covering rent starting next week, I am probably going to have to move since I can't afford it alone. And Niall just moved out of your place.... so... would you want to live together?"

Louis smiled at Harry, his eyes crinkling around the edges. "Harry Styles?" he asked, his voice raising an octave. "Are you asking me for the sake of saving money or are you asking me because you love me and think it would be super fun to live together?"

Harry laughed, standing up and elbowing Louis in the side. "Just to save money, I suppose. You're awful company," Harry joked. Louis stood up too and wrapped his hands tenderly around Harry's waist. "Well, whatever the circumstance, my answer is yes. Of course I love that idea," he replied, jumping onto his tip toes and kissing Harry gently. He tasted like chocolate and coffee beans.

"Awesome," Harry said, scooping Louis up and swinging him around in his arms. "But just remember. No touching the toaster... or anything in the kitchen for the matter."

Louis smiled, his body feeling with contentment, washing away the anxiety that had riddled him for so many months when he wondered whether or not Harry would ever forgive him. "I won't babe," Louis cooed. "Don't you worry."