Let Me Show You How to Love Yourself (Larry Stylinson) ✅

Author's Commentary

Hi guys! This story has recently gotten a lot of new readers and I want to thank you all for checking out the story, especially if you made it this far.

Following the story's ending, I just wanted to include a few final thoughts and reflections about the story, and if you guys have questions, please feel free to comment them here and I will try my best to answer them!

~Anorexia & Eating Disorders - This is a topic that hits close to home for me personally, as I struggled with anorexia throughout most of high school. I used a lot of my personal experience to depict what Harry was going through - and how he basically had two sets of thoughts, his own thoughts and his 'eating disorder' thoughts or "the voice," as I often called it in the story. The voice is what is distorting his thoughts and compelling him to starve and overexercise. The stronger the voice gets, the more an individual loses themselves to the disorder, which is why Liam was saying he hardly recognized Harry and he was nothing like his old self.

Ultimately, I chose to center my story around Harry's eating disorder because I think it's a really important topic that is often not talked about or considered taboo. I want to help raise awareness about these issues and show others who are struggling that they are not alone. Hopefully, this story gave you a better understanding of what life is like with an eating disorder - or helped you work through your own experiences, if it's something you can relate to.

In terms of Harry's recovery, I think it was really important that he made the decision to start working on his recovery on his own. Liam and Zayn could try to force him to eat all they wanted, but if he didn't have the will to eat on his own, he would never fully be able to recover. Louis was also trying to help fix him, but the truth is, no one can fix you; you can only fix yourself. It's a long and difficult process, especially because the only way to get better is to gain weight and eat (Which is the last thing anorexic patients want to do). However, as I've shown with Harry, it is entirely possible to recover and lead a happy and healthy life after.

~Sex Addiction - In addition to anorexia, Harry also had a sex addiction, which tends to co-occur with eating disorders in some cases (depression, anxiety, PTSD are other diseases that co-occur with eating disorders). Sex was his way of getting a release, even when he couldn't starve himself. This was tough for me to write because I don't have personal experience with this. But I wanted to show how he is dealing with multiple demons, and that he is not totally a victim in this story. Harry also has the power to be selfish too and he hurt Louis by having meaningless sex with others. Obviously, sex addiction is a real problem and it's not his fault - he didn't intentionally do it to upset Louis - but we understand why Louis feels betrayed.

~Harry's Baking - The baking aspect of the story wasn't in there just to be cute (although, it was, hopefully, full of cute moments). It was Harry's passion and his motivator to get better. Usually in recovery, you have best success when you're fighting to get healthy so you can return to something you love. For me, it was running track  - when I got too sick, I had to stop, and all I wanted was to go back. For Harry, it was baking. It's what got him through and motivated him to keep eating even when he wanted to give up.

~Louis' Cheating Scandal - This was something I literally had no intention of putting in the story, it sort of just happened. Honestly, I think it was pretty savage, almost too savage. But in the end, it shows that Louis is human. He was trying so hard to be this perfect boyfriend for Harry and to protect him and keep him safe, but really he was struggling with insecurities of his own and that's what ended up being his biggest character flaw. He was also trying to give Harry the support he couldn't give his sister (as Niall wisely pointed out), and it's not until he realizes that Harry's journey is something he has to do alone that he is able to truly connect with him. There are no heroes in this story - everyone makes mistakes and it's all about learning.

~Liam + Zayn - It saddened me that Zayn and Liam broke up and moved out of the flat in the end. But it was bound to happen. Liam's jealousy and anger issues created a toxic relationship, and Zayn started to look elsewhere. Staying together wouldn't have been healthy, and I wish they would have been able to work it out and stay roommates, but it just didn't seem possible.

~The ending - I usually like to go with happy endings, as I want the reader to be happy when they finish my stories. But I definitely don't like endings that are too over the top happy. My goal was for everyone to grow as a character and make decisions that improved their lives for the better. I hope I accomplished that.

~What to read next? If you liked this story, I also wrote another story about Larry and eating disorders called "Together." In this story, both Harry and Louis struggle with eating disorders. Harry had anorexia years prior, and Louis is in the depths of it at the time of the story. This story goes into much more depth about the recovery process, and is also a bit darker than Let Me Show You How to Love Yourself, as the story begins with the boys broken up and grappling with their feelings and frustrations for one another.

I also highly recommend "The College Experience" by HippieHearted, which is a Larry romance about anxiety/depression and has mentions of eating disorders. In addition to that, literally any work by SullenFairy is amazing - especially "Beneath the Midnight Sky," which deals with anorexia and other mental illnesses in the context of a Larry romance.

Thank you all so so much for reading! <3 Please reach out with any questions and comments you have. Always happy to chat!