Let Me Show You How to Love Yourself (Larry Stylinson) ✅

Desire

"Hey," Louis said, awkwardly, as Harry pulled upon the door to his flat. It was about 1pm the next day, and Louis still looked rough, but a lot better. He had showered, and his hair was perfectly styled as usual, though his unruly stubble was still thick on his chin. He was also wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a white hoodie, an outfit which caused Harry to smile shyly he looked at the older boy.

"Um, Hey," Harry said, forcing a frown and stepping out of the flat. He was wearing black skinny jeans and a dark blue v neck. Louis looked at his green eyes longingly, but then turned away, deeming himself too unworthy to even look at Harry.

"Is now... um..." Louis stammered. "A good time to talk? Yeah, come in," Harry said coolly, leading Louis into the apartment. Thankfully Zayn had left for the day, though Harry didn't know where he had gone.

To Louis' surprise, Harry kept walking past both the TV room and the kitchen, motioning for Louis to follow him into his room. Louis had never been in Harry's room before. Harry had only been in his. He looked around at the posters of Lana Del Rey and Cher Lloyd that covered the walls, smiling to himself at the younger boy's taste in music. Louis also noticed that both the walls and the bedspread were a dark cream color, and Harry had put a string of Christmas lights around his lofted bed, as if he were a uni student.

"Over here," Harry said, tugging at Louis' wrist. Louis looked up at Harry, surprised he was even touching him after his reaction last night. Harry led him to the corner of the room, where a small brown door led to the outside terrace.

"Oh nice... you have a balcony. Niall got the room with the balcony in our flat," Louis said, feeling empty inside as Harry nodded shortly without replying, purposefully avoiding small talk with his former boyfriend.

Harry and Louis walked through the door and onto the terrace, taking a seat on the two beach chairs that had been left outside. It was still pretty cold, but a heater was located on the top of roof, allowing them to stay warm despite the winter chill. Harry positioned himself pretzel style on the seat closer to the heater, folding his legs neatly as he let the hot air blow on his face.

Louis felt his stomach tangle in knots as he thought of how peaceful and angelic Harry looked right now. He wished he could take a photograph.

"So," Harry started, folding his hands in his lap. "Let's talk." Louis nodded, fidgeting awkwardly in his chair, trying desperately to steady his breathing. "Umm... yeah. So I'm extremely sorry, again, though it'll never make up for it. I doubt you'll trust me again. But I want you to know I did love you... and you're worthy of love Harry. You really are."

Harry nodded, wishing he could believe Louis. But his eating disorder whispered in his ear, telling him he was lying. He was too fat and gross to be loved. And why did he need a boyfriend anyways if he had Ana — if he had those girls who spent the night?

Harry breathed deeply through his nose and crossed his arms. "Wanna believe you, Lou. But it's hard for me. Things are hard for me right now. Maybe it's better we just let things end here," he said, watching sadly as Louis' face fell. "I'm sorry too. I'm not completely innocent. I... I should've been more honest and I'm sorry. I did love you too."

Did. That was the worst part of it for Lou. Did indicated that he used to love him, but not he didn't. That it was over now. That Harry was leaving him, just like all the others. And what hurt the most was that it was his own doing; that he truly deserved it.

"I... Okay," Louis said, fiddling with the sleeves of his hoodie. But his words didn't match his face, which was coated in tiny tears, and it certainly didn't echo what he felt in his heart. "If that's what you want... I mean... is that what you want? I respect you either way, Harry. But people make mistakes.
My mistake was way worse than yours and if I could, I would spend a lifetime making it up to you... I, fuck, I would do anything. But I know what was so awful. So I understand and respect your decision."