Let Me Show You How to Love Yourself (Larry Stylinson) ✅

Lust

"What the Fuck are you doing?" Louis screamed, pushing Zayn's pouting lips off of his own and spitting onto the rubber mat beside him. Zayn slammed against the bathroom wall with a clatter, and Louis ran his fingers through his hair quickly, trying to quell the tension building up in his crotch.

"Always found you hot, Mr. Skinny Jeans," Zayn said with a thin voice, lifting himself up off the wall. "Liam said I had a wandering eye. He was right." Louis blinked, shaking his head at the flirty words that Zayn's lips were expelling. He had noticed Zayn check him out on a few occasions when they hung out, his deep brown eyes flickering to his legs and bum. But he never thought much of it. Louis purposely dressed to catch people's attention — and he never had an issue with someone appreciating his effort.

Thinking back, Louis could believe that Zayn found him attractive—the evidence was there. But the part about a wandering eye, Well that meant something else altogether. That indicated more than just attraction. It implied desire, tension, feelings.

Louis' thought began to race through his head and he reached for the lock again, but Zayn grabbed him by the shoulder and stared at him with wet lips. "Mr. Tomlinson, I can show you something to write about," Zayn said, twirling Louis around and thrusting his firm hips against Louis', roughly. Louis stifled a whimper and shook his head vigorously, his neck growing clammy with sweat. "What the Fuck is wrong with you, Zayn, are you drunk?" he stammered. He turned away, but part of him wanted to stay there, creating friction with the dark haired man beside him.

"No. Just high on my xanies... thanks for that by the way. But just so you, know you don't have to sedate me to get with me," Zayn breathed, pushing Louis onto the toilet seat and straddling him, his knees digging into Louis' thighs. Louis let out a sigh, suddenly realizing his own true motives. The fact that he had allowed things to get this far showed that he was purposefully trying to play the victim in this situation— he could have easily left the bathroom minutes ago, but he didn't. He could have easily opened the door and went back to his seat, but he didn't. He didn't because Zayn's lips had felt good upon his, and the hardness in his pants didn't want him to pull away, didn't want him to leave.

But he had to. He had to leave— for Harry. For his beautiful, kind, sweet and perfect Harry who loved him with all his heart... even if he was mad right now. Even if he didn't understand that Louis' protectiveness was a part of his affection, that he was just trying to help.

Zayn inched closer to Louis' face, and his dilated pupils showed that he was clearly on something more than just the Xanax he had given him. "Why are you resisting? For Harry? Please.... Harry doesn't care about you. He just needs a caretaker right now. And you happen to do it better than me and Liam," Zayn growled, tracing tiny circles on Louis' jawline. "Let me fill you in on a little secret about Harry. Didn't wanna tell you this but....He had sex a few weeks before he met you. Some girl he met off tinder. So if he can't get undressed with you, it's not his body image, Lou. It's his attraction to you."

Louis felt a sharp pain in his stomach, doubling over as if he were going to vomit in response to these awful news. To keep from crying, he bit down on his tongue, a deep, metallic taste filling his mouth as he processed Zayn's words. Its his attraction to you. He's not attracted to you....

I'm just not that attracted to you.

You're kind of gross, Lou.

You should go to the gym more.

Attraction is sort of an issue here.

Countless voices of ex partners played in his head, filling him with the deep, sinking feeling he had so badly tried to escape— and that he thought he had escaped through Harry's warm embrace and reassuring cuddle. This feeling had always been a central part of Louis' life, and now it was creeping back up, stronger than ever; it was the feeling that he wasn't, and never would be, good enough. The feeling that he was unattractive and unworthy of love. The feeling that he was worthless.

"Come make love with someone who finds you attractive, Lou," Zayn cooed, his voice thick and raspy. "Someone who loves your curves, those legs, that bum...." Zayn squeezed Louis' butt with firm hands, his erection hardening in his lap. Then, he unzipped Louis' pants, grabbing his dick and stroking it softly.

Louis threw his head back and let out a tiny moan. Then he lunged towards Zayn, ready for whatever was about to happen. He wasn't even sure if Zayn truly found him attractive... but he did know that he needed something to numb the pain the curly haired boy was causing him— and sex was always Louis' vice of choice. It numbed the pain harder than alcohol and faster than drugs.

Louis grabbed Zayn's face, his thick stubble prickling his fingers. Then he kissed him passionately, allowing their tongues to intertwine. Fuck it, he thought. Time to join the mile high club.